Just One Victory - Coping With Substance Abuse Problems

[mande]

Tomorrow is 5 months sober.

[mande]

Thanks! It gets easier as time goes by. Mostly whenever I get a craving to drink I just have to remember that life is much simpler without it. And I'm getting old, so simple is best.

[Just Pomegranates]

Awesome work lovely!

[childofchaos831]

yesterday was 2 months sober for me. snuck up on me.

coffee

[mande]

Congrats coffee! Sober time kinda sneaks up on you, eh?

Thanks ladies.

[StarChild]

I have 2 years sober I never thought I'd get 2 months, let alone years.

I'm about to do my 5th step with my sponsor. Gotta get going on my homework!!

[mande]

Congrats!

[childofchaos831]

3 mos now!

[mande]

[StarChild]

I just did my 5th step with my sponsor and i'm emotionally exhausted. I feel so crummy. I feel like I did something wrong. Or a lot of somethings. I learned a lot about myself, but I really don't feel any closer to my Higher Power than I did before. And most of what I learned is what a crummy person I am.

I've mistreated just about everyone I love, and while it hurt them more, it hurts me too, just to get even a vague sense of the damage I did while in my addiction.

Anyone else been through the 4th and 5th steps? How did you feel after your 5th?

~loki

[Spidey]

So, how is everyone doing?

[childofchaos831]

6 mos sober yesterday

[StarChild]

Almost 3-1/2 years sober. Time flies.

[childofchaos831]

so, some background...

i have always thought that drinking is better than su, and si is better than drinking. just my logic, i know it doesn't make sense. alcohol has saved me from su before. once i started drinking, i was too numb to care anymore. so for the past month, i have been feeling su and it had gotten worse as time went on... i ended up in the hospital thurs night/fri morn. before that, like tues i think, i was trying to justify drinking, and trying to get permission to drink from my sponsor and a close friend in AA. neither would give me permission and i got to the point that i was so depressed that all i had the energy for was sleep. when i got home, i got on the computer for like 5 minutes, and went to bed. i knew if i showered, i would si, and i knew if i si'ed, i would need medical attention at that point. problem is, i bought some alcohol before talking to my sponsor and friend. it's still in the fridge. i haven't had any of it, it is still unopened. but i knew if i waited til done at work that it would be too late to buy liquor, and i don't like beer or wine.

so i need two things...

one... have you been in that place where drinking saved your life? have you had that kind of logic? how do i battle that logic?

two... encouragement so that i can pour it out when i am strong enough. not there yet. maybe later tonight... i'm going to dinner with mom and a friend of hers, then to a meeting, and maybe out for fellowship after the meeting.

btw, i have just under 8 months right now. haven't had this long in a while, but i have made it to 2 1/2 years before.

coffee

[Spidey]

My suggestion is to have your sponsor come over and dispose of it for you. Pour it out, take it away, whatever gets it out of your space. It's not unheard of nor unacceptable for someone in AA/*A/other recovery fellowships to do this if asked/needed.

[childofchaos831]

i've been thinking on this for a while. i am not connecting with this sponsor very well. i have a hard time contacting her when i need to. i just don't trust her enough right now. i need someone that i trust more and faster. i don't think i could do a fifth step with her. also, that pint is gone but not in the way i wanted it to be. i ended up drinking it. without calling anyone ahead of time. not even my sponsor. i just couldn't. it came down to drink the pint or OD on my antidepressant. i figured that sleep was better than serotonin syndrome. i wasn't gonna take enough to die, just to get rid of the urge to harm in some way. i had wanted to harm all day. i was trying really hard, but i just couldn't deal anymore when i got home. oh well. starting over on day 1.

coffee

[steady hands]

I hope everyone is doing okay.

I haven't smoked a cigarette in 8 months.
I've been clean from drugs for almost four.
I drank a little over a week ago, but I'm not sure how I feel about it. It was a very limited quantity in a social setting. Part of me feels like it was "okay" for me to do, but another part of me feels uncertain and like it was something that I shouldn't have gotten away with. I had 6 months clean before that drink, and haven't had a drink since.

[childofchaos831]

last time i drank and si'ed was last saturday. early morning. then went to bed. it has been a week.

[StarChild]

3 years sober...and thinking about quitting smoking.

[childofchaos831]

yay loki!

i have 11 days of alcohol and si.