Replacing destructive memories with new ones... *all trigs*

tips on how to cope: dealing with your feelings, dealing with the consequences of self-harm in your life. share your ideas and maybe pick up some new skills, too. you don't have to want to stop to learn something new here.

Moderators: Spidey, noldo

Post Reply
User avatar
Licentia Poetica
forum moderator emeritus
forum moderator emeritus
Posts: 24935
Joined: Sat Jan 25, 2003 10:06 am
Gender: Female
Location: Australia
Contact:

Replacing destructive memories with new ones... *all trigs*

Post by Licentia Poetica » Fri Feb 16, 2007 3:54 pm

I just thought of an idea, wondering if this would work as a thread.

Take a bad memory, something that's distressing or destructive to you, and describe it (though be aware that triggers such as SA, etc still apply)

Then, think of a new memory. Something happy, that makes you feel content, or comforted, or hopeful, and describe that and how it makes you feel. You don't have to come up with it straight away - you can wait and come back to it.

Try to mentally replace one with the other so that in future thinking about your bad memory, you realise that there are still good ones to be made.

The memories can be really significant, or just little things.
:redstar: the time to tell a person you care is now :redstar: the paper crane chain of hope :redstar:

Image

If we knew each other's secrets, what comforts we should find.
John Churton Collins

User avatar
Licentia Poetica
forum moderator emeritus
forum moderator emeritus
Posts: 24935
Joined: Sat Jan 25, 2003 10:06 am
Gender: Female
Location: Australia
Contact:

Post by Licentia Poetica » Fri Feb 16, 2007 4:00 pm

Okay..

:redstar: My bad memory is lying in bed, very down, feeling hopeless. I'd been crying so much I had a headache, and my pillow was soaked. And I fell asleep desperately hoping I wouldn't wake up.

:bluestar: My new memory is being on the bus yesterday, and happening to look out the window to a patch of grass by the road, and saw a possum happily hopping around in the grass from one tree to the next. And it made me smile. And I was glad I was there to see it.
:redstar: the time to tell a person you care is now :redstar: the paper crane chain of hope :redstar:

Image

If we knew each other's secrets, what comforts we should find.
John Churton Collins

User avatar
StevieLynn
bus mechanic
bus mechanic
Posts: 3059
Joined: Wed Jan 17, 2007 3:55 am
Gender: female
Location: Eastern Pennsylvania
Contact:

Post by StevieLynn » Fri Feb 16, 2007 9:37 pm

Ooh, I like this idea! Let's see if I can do this:

OK, my old memory has abuse trigs
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
Being nine years old, hiding in a corner of my bedroom in the dark, crying to beat all hell because I had just been beaten and felt as though no one in the world loved me
*
*
*
End trigs

New memory:

Being at camp, serenading by candle light on a Friday night, stars sparkling so brightly overhead, and receiving hugs from the campers I had influenced that summer, and realizing that I was loved.
In Which Something Oooh Occurred

And it felt like a winter machine that you go through and then you catch your breath and winter starts again, and everyone else was springbound. And when I chose to live, there was no joy, it's just a line I crossed. I wasn't worth the pain my death would cost, so I was not lost or found....But when you live in a world, well, it gets in to who you th ought you'd be. And now I laugh at how the world changed me. I think life chose me after all.
--Dar Williams

User avatar
susanM
board admin emeritus
board admin emeritus
Posts: 3377
Joined: Tue Jan 29, 2002 1:00 am
Location: scotland

Post by susanM » Fri Feb 16, 2007 9:57 pm

Ooh er, wonderful idea el, me likes very much! :1hug:

Ok bad memory...eek
SU spoiler
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
My first year of university, having been in deep darkness for a long time I made a clear decision that I didn't want to live any more. I remember waking up the day that I had decided to carry out my plan and making the preparations for it in a calm detached way. The calmness is what distresses me most when I think about it.


Good memory *thinks* there are a few that might be good.

Ok the first night of a holiday with my parents in Montreal. We arrived about 7 or 8pm and my mum was exhausted and jetlagged so decided to go to bed after unpacking etc. So it was just me and my dad, we weren't tired and decided to go out and explore. At about 9 or 10 we stumbled on a free open air jazz performance, a guy playing the trumpet and a band. Just a happy accident, we had no idea that it would be on and it was totally magical. It was a warm night,the crowd were so happy and I was with my dad. I felt lucky to be there. Thinking about that reminds me that joyful experiences are possible.

Thanks so much el this is great idea.

User avatar
teacher2B
building community
building community
Posts: 597
Joined: Tue Aug 12, 2003 4:28 am
Gender: female
Location: New Hampshire (USA) Age: 37
Contact:

Post by teacher2B » Tue Feb 20, 2007 12:33 am

Ooh--I like this thread.

I'm going to make my memories related. They're both about my father.

****Abuse trig*****







When I was 17, my dad told me my mom was suicidal, it was my fault, and that if I "messed up" again, I'd have to find another place to live. That was the first time I really si'd.





****end trig****


But, now I'm 22 and my dad is flying about 1200 miles to help me move back home with them 'cause I lost my job. He's going to pay for a moving truch and drive it all 1200 miles back home with my stuff while I follow in my car. That shows how much he loves me and how much our relationship has grown in the last five years.

User avatar
heartonmysleave
meeting the neighbors
meeting the neighbors
Posts: 345
Joined: Fri Apr 29, 2005 1:45 am
Location: UK

Post by heartonmysleave » Thu Feb 22, 2007 10:56 pm

bad memory: sitting in the hospital A+E, crying so hard I couldn't breath, just feeling so desperate. so utterly panicked. so alone. at 4am, with all the staff treating me like s**t because I'd come in because I'd SI'd.

Good memory: sitting on a beach, watching seals swim by, and jump out of the water because they were curious about what we were doing on the beach. it was so peaceful, and they were so beutiful.

User avatar
Licentia Poetica
forum moderator emeritus
forum moderator emeritus
Posts: 24935
Joined: Sat Jan 25, 2003 10:06 am
Gender: Female
Location: Australia
Contact:

Post by Licentia Poetica » Thu May 10, 2007 11:26 am

Bad memory: Sitting in French class having a godawful panic attack wishing the world would cave in and the floor would swallow me up. Just feeling absolutely breakdown bad and hoping I would die as soon as possible.

Good memory: Getting out of my French speaking exam last Wednesday, chatting a bit with some people from my class, feeling half confident I didn't fail, and my speaker partner telling me she thought I did well.
:redstar: the time to tell a person you care is now :redstar: the paper crane chain of hope :redstar:

Image

If we knew each other's secrets, what comforts we should find.
John Churton Collins

User avatar
mywildrainbow
sprouting branches
sprouting branches
Posts: 1225
Joined: Fri Jan 02, 2004 8:20 am
Location: ohio
Contact:

Post by mywildrainbow » Thu May 10, 2007 9:24 pm

*****SA*****




Bad memory: being molested in the kitchen and then having $1.00 thrown at me because that's what I was worth


Good memory: watching my 7 year old neice play with my 1 year old neice or seeing my 1 month old nephew sleep
"And the day came when the risk it took to remain tight inside the bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom" -Anais Nin

"Loneliness. It's a thing, you know, not a feeling. A big, ugly thing that moves in and takes over until you forget how to live with it, but you can't live without it either" -M.B. Miller

*mwr's deliberately random poetry* http://buslist.org/phpBB/viewtopic.php?t=97247

where the wild things are http://buslist.org/phpBB/viewtopic.php?t=113478

User avatar
Stripe
driving instructor
driving instructor
Posts: 5562
Joined: Sat May 05, 2007 7:55 pm

Post by Stripe » Sun May 13, 2007 7:00 pm

Bad memory

SA

I don't feel strong enough to post it right now...

Good memory

Finding J, who has been a massive support, and chatting to her
<center>stripes in more than just shades of grey
Image</center>

User avatar
Callisto
postmaster
postmaster
Posts: 37888
Joined: Sun May 04, 2003 3:22 pm

Post by Callisto » Mon May 14, 2007 1:44 pm

bad memory:

being bullied at school and having words like fat, whore, worthless etc shouted at me by people i had thought were my friends.

good memory:

meeting angie and several other new people and being treated as a human being not something to be jeered at.

User avatar
Licentia Poetica
forum moderator emeritus
forum moderator emeritus
Posts: 24935
Joined: Sat Jan 25, 2003 10:06 am
Gender: Female
Location: Australia
Contact:

Re: Replacing destructive memories with new ones... *all trigs*

Post by Licentia Poetica » Wed May 18, 2011 12:15 pm

bump
:redstar: the time to tell a person you care is now :redstar: the paper crane chain of hope :redstar:

Image

If we knew each other's secrets, what comforts we should find.
John Churton Collins

User avatar
disastercake
forum moderator emeritus
forum moderator emeritus
Posts: 3342
Joined: Sun Oct 02, 2005 1:12 am
Gender: Female
Location: USA

Re: Replacing destructive memories with new ones... *all trigs*

Post by disastercake » Thu May 19, 2011 3:33 am

I hadn't seen this. Thanks for the bump :1flwrs:




Bad memory:
After my first fiance (and first love) dumped me over the phone and feeling like I didn't know how I was going to go on. Crying every time I was alone (I functioned daily and no one even knew except one friend until a couple months after) so hard that I couldn't breathe, was physically in pain, and feeling utterly helpless like I would never feel better.



Good memory:
Every single memory I've had of going places I want, making new friends and reconnecting with old because there's no one else to tell me no or I can't or making me worry about what they want to do.
:bfly: -Al :bfly:

"...And once you have tasted flight,
you will walk the earth with your eyes turned skywards,
for there you have been,
and there you long to return..."
- Leonardo da Vinci

My Place

User avatar
volta
being the change
being the change
Posts: 12338
Joined: Tue Mar 20, 2007 4:27 am

Re: Replacing destructive memories with new ones... *all trigs*

Post by volta » Thu May 19, 2011 7:28 am

bad memory:
i was lying in my bed shaking so hard because my stepdad and sister were arguing and screaming in the hallway.

good memory:
falling asleep on the beach, watching the stars with my best friend as she tried to find all the constellations.

User avatar
capricorn
awe-inspiring
awe-inspiring
Posts: 6410
Joined: Sun Jan 03, 2010 10:21 pm
Gender: Female
Location: London, UK
Contact:

Re: Replacing destructive memories with new ones... *all trigs*

Post by capricorn » Thu May 26, 2011 11:09 pm

Bad: my ex ... best friend/girlfriend/something ... trying to pressure me into kissing her.


Good: my girlfriend and me cuddling on my sofa and giggling for absurdly long periods of time.
~Capri
xoxo

"Awake and unafraid."
My Chemical Romance


"I am haunted by humans."
The Book Thief


"Been trying hard not to get into trouble, but I've got a war in my mind."
Lana Del Rey


"It's always darkest just before the dawn. So stay awake with me. Let's prove them wrong."
Rise Against

"I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain."
Dune

User avatar
peanutbutter
building community
building community
Posts: 515
Joined: Sat Mar 12, 2005 11:20 am
Gender: Female
Location: Portland, OR

Re: Replacing destructive memories with new ones... *all trigs*

Post by peanutbutter » Fri May 27, 2011 9:28 pm

I like this idea.
Bad memory:


Watching my niece take her last breaths in the hospital and feeling like someone was standing on my chest.


Good Memory:

Watching my niece swimming in the lake and having the time of her life.
"Maybe in order to understand mankind, we have to look at the word itself: "Mankind". Basically, it's made up of two separate words - "mank" and "ind". What do these words mean ? It's a mystery, and that's why so is mankind."

Deep thought

User avatar
capricorn
awe-inspiring
awe-inspiring
Posts: 6410
Joined: Sun Jan 03, 2010 10:21 pm
Gender: Female
Location: London, UK
Contact:

Re: Replacing destructive memories with new ones... *all trigs*

Post by capricorn » Thu Jun 30, 2011 8:45 pm

Bad:

[SI]

Sitting in my bedroom with my ex and her craft scissors, cutting each other. And her laughing at me when I said it hurt and I was scared.
If memory serves, I was thirteen.


[/SI]

Good:

One of my best friends hugging me and congratulating me on passing 3 years clean.
~Capri
xoxo

"Awake and unafraid."
My Chemical Romance


"I am haunted by humans."
The Book Thief


"Been trying hard not to get into trouble, but I've got a war in my mind."
Lana Del Rey


"It's always darkest just before the dawn. So stay awake with me. Let's prove them wrong."
Rise Against

"I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain."
Dune

User avatar
styled_wrong
beyond inspiring
beyond inspiring
Posts: 8268
Joined: Fri Oct 14, 2005 1:36 am

Re: Replacing destructive memories with new ones... *all trigs*

Post by styled_wrong » Sun Jul 24, 2011 8:57 pm

i like this

:ylwheart: bad memory - (su)

feeling so utterly desperate, attempting su and feeling crap cos id failed.


:lblheart: good memory

passing my degree and getting my dream job
scars are tattoos with better stories
it's hard to answer the question whats wrong, when nothing is 'right'
Not all scars show. Not all wounds heal. Sometimes you cant always see the pain someone feels

User avatar
zyn
beyond inspiring
beyond inspiring
Posts: 9038
Joined: Wed Jul 06, 2011 10:04 pm
Gender: Female
Location: Scotland

Re: Replacing destructive memories with new ones... *all trigs*

Post by zyn » Mon Aug 29, 2011 8:32 pm

*SA*
Bad: Waiting for him to come to me, hoping he would, hoping he wouldn't.
*/SA*

Good: Lying on the beach reading, yesterday.
"If knew what I thought I wouldn't need to make anything."
"Work is a fight against loneliness, against low self esteem, against depression, and against staying in bed. Sometimes my self esteem is so low that I cannot reach it even when I'm feeling down." - Martin Creed



SI free since 1st January 2012
Last SI: 23rd April 2013

Image

Post Reply

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 75 guests