The ALL NEW *constructive* venting thread

[Licentia Poetica]

El. Shut up.

Stop it.

You are going to get through the semester. You are not going to fail.

You are going to do your very best, and your very best is good enough.

It's true, you do have a lot to do, but there are people to support you. & your lecturers know you may need some extensions.

& you're going to chip away at it slowly, until it's all done.

[Aly]

Life SUCKS. It sucks in such a massive way.

I can't cope with it. I'm not coping with it. I am just managing to survive. And yet, I don't want to even be doing that.

I am keeping on top of my work. Just. Be to do that I had to give up a subject. God. How much of a failure can I be? I was meant to be able to cope. I am not a weak person. I wish I could stop acting like one. I am meant to be clever, so I wish I could start showing that to people.

I am meant to be sensible, intelligent, content, strong, funny, friendly, caring. I feel like none of those things at the moment.

I want to hurt myself because then I hope I will feel better. But then, at the same time I don't want to feel better. I just wish I could make my fucking mind up.

I hate who I am right now. i really do. And there's proof that other people do as well. I'm losing all my friends. And I can;t think of anything I deserve more.

No one cares. No one understands. Or at least, no one in real life. And that hurts. It hurts, but it feels like I deserve it.

Why wouldn't I for God's sake. I am a whiney, pathetic idiot. I need to get a grip, and yet I am too pathetic to even do that.

I disgust myself.

[Aly]

Sweetie. Just...STOP for a moment, okay? Stop and breathe and calm down.

I know things feel too hard right now, I know they do. But sweetie, please don't lose sight of the fact that they will pick up. It might take some time, and it might feel like you don't want them to. But regardless of that, they will pick up. And you won't feel like this forever. Even if you won't let yourself believe it, I will make you listen to it. Things will get better, because as you have said before, life is a cycle of good and bad things.

I can't begin to tell you how proud I am of you. I know that you just want to give up, I know that you have been wanting to give up for quite some time now. I cannot fully express how proud I am that you are still here. You haven't given up, even though you want to. You are still surviving! Don't worry about the coping, that will come. It is enough that you are surviving sweetie.

Don't invalidate the achievement on staying on top of the work! Considering how awful you feel right now, you are doing such a good job. Sweetie, listen to me, okay? You. Are. Not. A. Failure. Do you hear that? You were taking five subjects! At AS Level, that is a lot. You were taking so many subjects and staying on top of them whilst feeling as bad as you do. How amazing is that? I wish I could get you to see what an achievement that is. And even though you can't right now, one day, I am positive you will see how well you did. For nearly a term you kept it up, even though it felt like the sky was falling in.

And then, you made a really mature, really sensible decision to give up a subject, so you could get good grades. Sweetie, that is such a good thing. It doesn't make you a failure. Not even close. Don't forget that you already have an AS Level. You will have 5 by the end of this year. Exactly what you wanted. And if you keep doing what you're doing; working, understanding, putting effort in, then you will come away with 4 good AS Levels. Don't put silly amounts of pressure on yourself. You can do without that.

I know that you don't feel those things about yourself. But you are still them. You are still sensible and intelligent. You were sensible and intelligent enough to recogise that you needed to give up Maths. That's a big thing to recognise. You're not content right now sweetie, but you will be. You will. Trust me on this one. Hun, you are funny, friendly and caring. You give so much to other people. Sometimes at the detriment to yourself. You give and give and give. That's a big thing. That's being caring and friendly. You always have a smile for someone, a hug, a hello, a quick chat, etc. You make people laugh, you cheer them up. You are still funny.

And Alice hun, you are so strong. Although you don't feel it, it goes back to how you are surviving. You are surviving even though it feels like there is nothing to survive for. You are surviving even though life is unbelievably hard now. You are surviving, and you are doing well at college. That is strength right there lovely. Strength isn't never feeling upset or hurt. Being strong isn't about always being happy and everything always going smoothly. Strength is carrying on even when every inch of you is screaming not to. Strength is carrying on with life, and not collapsing. Although I think you could do with telling people that you're not coping, it shows how much strength you have that you are keeping up, so well - which is not good in most ways - the pretence that everything is fine.

Alice, you really are a very strong person. Even if you don't feel like it.

And it's okay to be confused about what you want. It is. It's okay not to want to look after yourself. Either physically or mentally. But, I want you to hand over a bit of that responsibility to take pressure off yourself. There is one person hun who desperately wants to be there for you. That's your Mummy sweetie. Turn to her. It's what she's there for. She would be more than happy to help you keep yourself safe. She would be more than happy to support you,keep you up, keep you going. She is one of the few people who will give that unconditionally. She is one of the few people who will, in actuality be there for you for as long as humanly possible. Alice, your Mummy is who you need right now, so let her be there for you, okay? It will be one of the hardest things to do at first. And it will feel like you are being so so weak. But sweetie, in the end it will be okay, and will be easier, and it will be for the best. And you will be proud of yourself that you managed it. Because, Alice, I know that you can manage it.

Try to cut yourself a bit of slack right now. It feels like no one cares because that is a symptom of how you feel. How you see things isn't necessarily how things really are. I know one of your friends has changed a lot, and I know that's hurting you. But one person is not everyone. There are plenty of people who would be there for you if you let them. How about opening up and giving people a chance again? You never know sweetie, it could be for the best. And yes, it could not work and that person might not give you what you need right now. But that would be okay. And all that you'd have to do is try again.

It's the trying again that's the hardest my love, but I know you have it within you.

Believe in yourself sweetheart, and everyone else will as well. Give yourself a chance. Give other people a chance.

You'll get there. And things will get better.

Don't waste your energy on hating yourself. There is precious little of it as it is.

Love yourself.

Look after yourself.

You deserve it!

[VowsOfSadness]

I don't want to go to school.
I have to skip classes.
I need coke (cocaine).

[VowsOfSadness]

amanda, you are fastly going in the wrong direction. The begining of this year your grades were fine, you hung out with the "right crowd". You just need to find a reason why moving forward in the right direction is good and you need to focus on it.

dr. t thinks your doing this to sabatoge your future. that you have some peter pan complex

[styled_wrong]

for fucks sake will u get a grip! u know where the problems lie u know what u need to do so why the fuck arent u doing them and for some fucking reason just ignoring it all

[zombiepeople]

Rachel, you are a disgusting piece of $hit. You are fat, ugly, stupid, you can never be good enough. THere are so many things you need to do and you can't do any of them. You are pathetic, so you know what you need to do, don't you...but you don't even have the courage to do that!!

Rachel, you are not disgusting, you have friends, people who care about you and they accept every part of you. You are NOT fat, for hell's sake you weigh [weight removed - mallie], so get a grip before this gets any worse. You are worth something and you are not pathetic and DON"T need to kill yourself...don't listen to the person above. Don't treat yourself the way others have treated you in the past, you deserve better than that because you are better than that. You are full of courage, but you do not need the courage to end it all...only to create a better life for yourself and to move on from the past. You have love and support in this, you are not all alone.

[handmade mute]

I can't cope. I can't do this any more. I hate my life and right now, I see no point in it.

I don't care that I've gone 6 months without SI, I want to, I NEED TO. I can't deal with all this crap. I can't deal with always being the bad guy while they wander off and are fine with everything!

I hate my life. I won't amount to anything, so why bother hanging around???

I hate her right now, she's ruined the day and I wish she'd just go away! I hate her because it's never enough. I try and try and it's always the wrong thing to do, even if it's what she's TOLD me to do.

I hate that I have all these so called friends in my life that I lie to. I hate that I'm in a scrapping comp about ME and I'm lying by omission. You're talentless and pathetic. Deal with it.

[handmade mute]

Breathe, hun. Cry, let it all out. You're just overemotional right now.

YOU CAN COPE. You've coped for months now, you coped with people you loved dying and family crap and relationship drama. You can cope with today. It's minor compared to everything else. Really, that's why you're not coping. Because you've worn yourself out worrying about the big stuff, so you have no patience for the tiny stuff. Breathe. It'll be ok. Just count down the hours till you can go to bed. It's not much, but it's something to look forward to.

There is a point to your life. You're just... lost right now. Can't see through all the trees, y'know? Yeah, you don't know what you want to do with your life, but frankly, who cares? You have your WHOLE LIFE to work that out. Right now, you need to heal. The state you're in lately, you wouldn't cope with working anyway. And what's this 'I won't amount to anything crap'? Or this 'everything I do is wrong' stuff?? That's just self pity and depression talking. Think about it, and you'll know I'm right. Just breathe, and don't dwell on what you can't change right now. And instead of thinking how you want to die, think about all the people in your world who'd be devestated if you died. And you damn well know it's more than a few people.

You've gone so long without hurting yourself, do you really want to go back to that? 6 months... that's huge hun. Anyway, it's probably about 7 at this point, since you were calling it 6 months weeks ago. huge deal, don't ruin it over a little spat. You'll hate yourself if you do it, and worse than that, you and I both know what you're like. You do it once, it'll take at least a week before you can stop again.

You don't want that. You're walking away from that. Just because it's a little difficult right now is no reason to give up.

As for her being fine, you know she isn't. You know sleeping is her coping mechanism lately. Don't be angry at her for it, she hasn't slept much these past few weeks. It may improve the situation, even. You need to realise she isn't coping well either. Cut the girl some slack. You both ruined the day. You're not some innocent party, kiddo. Technically, her being asleep means she HAS gone away, and it's upset you. So just... breathe. Chill. Calm down. It feels like the wrong thing to do all the time because both of you are stressed and neither of you are coping with anything.

You don't know those people well enough to be completely open with them. I know it hurts, and you hate lying even by omission, but telling them will only stress you more. As for the comp, hide the journalling if you want to be honest.

You have talent. You are NOT pathetic. You're just scared there's someone else in your head. Breathe.

[green]

I am so sick of how self-centred she is. She dominates every conversation with what SHE wants to say and always makes it about her. She never gives a thought to what other people might feel. Shes manipulative, immature and attention-seeking. Why oh why do I stay friends with her?

[green]

I have nothing else to say. I just need to vent.

[cinitrom]

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!! death death death death death we're going to die she's going to kill us we're not ready we're not ready we're not ready!!
Can't we get another couple weeks for rehearsals? Oh, god, I need to practice to death so I can play the stupid stupid stupid songs. Why can't we play our Festival music? It was hard, too, only we'd actually learned it by now! The band got to play their Festival music for their trip, and they went to Chicago and their teacher wasn't doing a pregnant-lady freak-out at them 'cause he's not effing pregnant and they're generally better at everything than us! Aaah! we're all going to die it'll be terrible we'll fail horribly and won't get any sort of award and they'll laugh at us when we fuck up on stage and then it will generally be bad bad bad bad bad!!

[cinitrom]

Okay, shut up now. No offense. (: It's just that freaking out isn't going to make you able to play Overture. It's just going to make you want to cut.
And do you really want to cut because of Orchestra? Does it really mean that much to you?
It should.
But if it means enough to you that you'd actually inflict bodily harm upon yourself because of it, doesn't it mean enough for you to actually practice your cello?
No offense about that, either. You're not bad at the cello. Still, you could be even better if you'd take the time to run through those hard parts, like that totally effed-up section of Overture, or the sixteenth-note bit in Scenes. It's make you feel better about yourself, too! You wouldn't call yourself lazy or stupid or inadequate so much. And playing an instrument is a good way to let stuff out, you know that! Remember the way Mrs. Finnegan played the cello after Micaiah left in the ambulance? That instrument was holding her together. And you know how good it feels to play sfz on the piano, putting all your weight, your whole body, into a single note. It's good for you! I wish you'd realize and do it more often. You used to like it so much. What happened?

There were only three really rational, logical things I saw in that little freak-out:
1: You need to practice, for all the reasons I mentioned above. You'll never get better if you don't practice, and you'll never stop beating yourself up about it if you don't get better. You know that! I just wish you could really understand it.
2: Mrs. Finnegan is having a "pregnant-lady freak-out" about the trip. Everything she says is true, every time she says, "You guys need to learn that part," you do, but she's not really being fair in the way she says it. Almost everybody in the class is working their butts off to get ready for the trip, and she's not really acknowledging that. Still, this is an incredibly stressful time for her, with a baby to think about, a trip to plan, and an orchestra to direct/teach the really hard music to. You know she'll be nicer when this is all over, but until then, the only thing you can really do is try your best not to take anything too personally.
3: Those pieces are hard as butt. But you can do it! Prince Ivan was hard, and you guys kicked that piece's ass, despite what the stupid judges said at Festival. And honestly, I think Scenes is easier than Prince Ivan was. Overture... Overture is hard. It'd be about the same as Scenes if it wasn't so damn fast, but you're not actually that bad at it. You're pretty much got the tricksy bit, dun, dah, dah, dun, dah, da da dun, dah, dah, dun, dddddah dah dah, etc... (Now you'll have that stuck in your head all day. (: Haha.) See? You can do it. You remember getting that piece and saying, "Oh, fuck!"? 'Cause you did. You were like, "There is no way in hell I'm going to be able to play this," and you just about can. So keep working! You can do it. I promise.
And if by some totally effed-up mistake you guys screw up? The worst that happens is you walk away with a plaque that says "Excellent" rather than a trophy that says "Superior." She didn't kill you when you got IIs at Festival, right? You got donuts, for god's sake!
Everything will turn out okay.

xcyan

[Licentia Poetica]

I'm alone and worthless and stupid. Nobody will ever love me like I want to be loved, and I don't deserve it in the first place.

I am scared that the only thing in the whole world that will ever bring me comfort are the things that could potentially kill me

[Licentia Poetica]

Shhh El, calm down.

You feel alone. You feel worthless, you feel like nobody loves you and you don't deserve it.

Feeling like it doesn't make it true.

Try to believe in yourself a little more. Other people seem to - why not you?

[PassingCloud]

im so overwhelmed i cannot do this. i am so tired of it all.

clouds, life is hard atm. but you can do this. you have gotten through so much worse. just take a few deep breaths. you can get through this. you are so much stronger than you think sometimes. you can get through all the stressful moments. if you think it gets too muhc, why don'T you call your gf, or a friend and open up to them again for once?

you can get through this. i know you can.

[StevieLynn]

I've cut twice this week and I'm so angry about it! I hate that I can't control myself and I feel like a useless failure!

Love,
Stevie

[StevieLynn]

First of all, you are not useless and not a failure. many people have thanked you for advice you have offered and some have even said that you are an inpiration to them, therefore, you are not useless. You are very good at some things you do, like singing and knitting, and you are able to hold down a job and function in everyday society most of the time. Not a failure at all.

Instead of beating yourself up over cutting, use it as a learning experience. Remember what you posted on B&A, remember the advice given to you, and remember that people have told you that they don't love you any less for it. Use this week as a way to grow.

Love,
Stevie

[smr89]

It really bothers me that your friends (or your cousin) know we are having sex. I guess its because I know we shouldn't be. Plus, when a guy says hes having sex people, especially other guys, are like wow congrats thats awesome but when a girl says it other people are like ho. It just makes me really uncomfortable to know anyone else knows. Especially without knowing exactly what was said. I mean I trust you not to be saying bad things but thats not the point.

[smr89]

I guess my advice would be simple- if youre ashamed to have other people know about it, you probably shouldn't be doing it in the first place. If you feel like this, you need to talk to him about it. And if you want to stop having sex, then stop. Dont do it for any reason other than if you really want to. Actually, even if you do want to do it but you know its wrong then stick with what you believe and don't give in. Pretty simple solution. Easier said than done though.