Hi my name is aly and i'm 20. i've been cutting since i was 13.
only one of my friends no that i SI but when i told her she called me stupid + sad 4 doin it + hasn't spoken to me about it since as if she is tryin 2 pretend that i didn't tell her. but i really feel like i need to talk to my friends about this as it is a big part of my life but now i'm worried that they will think i'm freak. please can someone help me.
i need advice for telling my friends
Hiya 
and welcome to Bus.
I'm sorry that the friend you trusted to tell about your SI reacted like that.
That must be pretty hurtful. However, not everyone will behave that way, and this friend also may come round in time.
There's some useful advice about this on Deb's site at http://www.selfharm.net/living.html
It's useful to think carefully about why you want to tell, and how you want them to react. Is it that you want them to assist you in getting professional help? Or do you want them to be there for you in times of crisis? Or do you want to tell them because you want a close friendship with them and don't feel right holding such a big part of your life a secret?
It also helps to give them leaflets and websites to look at for more information. And to give them permission to discuss it with at least one other person, perhaps someone who doesn't know you, just so they don't feel alone and responsible for you, if you get what I mean. And do be clear with them about what you want - your friend may be avoiding the subject for fear of upsetting you, but if this is making you feel as if she wants to pretend it never happened you could tell her how hurtful you find this.
You are definitely not a freak, nor "sad" (at least in the insulting sense
) I'm glad you have found the board, cos I've found it very supportive in handling these sort of situations.
Take care
Love Laura
and welcome to Bus.I'm sorry that the friend you trusted to tell about your SI reacted like that.
That must be pretty hurtful. However, not everyone will behave that way, and this friend also may come round in time.There's some useful advice about this on Deb's site at http://www.selfharm.net/living.html
It's useful to think carefully about why you want to tell, and how you want them to react. Is it that you want them to assist you in getting professional help? Or do you want them to be there for you in times of crisis? Or do you want to tell them because you want a close friendship with them and don't feel right holding such a big part of your life a secret?
It also helps to give them leaflets and websites to look at for more information. And to give them permission to discuss it with at least one other person, perhaps someone who doesn't know you, just so they don't feel alone and responsible for you, if you get what I mean. And do be clear with them about what you want - your friend may be avoiding the subject for fear of upsetting you, but if this is making you feel as if she wants to pretend it never happened you could tell her how hurtful you find this.
You are definitely not a freak, nor "sad" (at least in the insulting sense
) I'm glad you have found the board, cos I've found it very supportive in handling these sort of situations.Take care
Love Laura
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give yourself credit for having the strength to talk to a friend. you are amazing for that. I remember years ago I had a moment of strength and I told my parents. they seemed confused, asked why and when I couldn't get them to understand they changed the subject. To this day if you asked them hey does your daughter SI? they would tell you no. it's amazing how people deal with news like this. especially if they don't understand. people reject the unfamiliar. good advice to read Deb's website. it helped me to tell me boyfriend. stay strong.
hugs and love,
jen
hugs and love,
jen
SI free since 9/03!
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indigo_pie
- settling in
- Posts: 106
- Joined: Fri Oct 25, 2002 11:49 pm
- Gender: Female
- Location: Hampshire, England
Hi Aly
Sorry you had a bad experience about telling your friend, I know exactly how you feel, and I've not yet found a friend that when I tell them doesn't think I'm a freak. My advice is proceed with caution, make sure that you really know these people and that they really are your friends. I don';t know how you do that, but too much self disclosure in a relationship too early on can ruin it. Be sure that you want to tell them.
Good luck.
Chloe
Sorry you had a bad experience about telling your friend, I know exactly how you feel, and I've not yet found a friend that when I tell them doesn't think I'm a freak. My advice is proceed with caution, make sure that you really know these people and that they really are your friends. I don';t know how you do that, but too much self disclosure in a relationship too early on can ruin it. Be sure that you want to tell them.
Good luck.
Chloe
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jenica h.
- meeting the neighbors
- Posts: 378
- Joined: Tue Mar 23, 2004 11:49 pm
- Location: Pennsylvania, USA
- Contact:
Hi & Welcome, Aly. I'm pretty new to BUS myself.
I've had the same situation happen, except the words spoken about my SI were behind my back. I had told a close friend (let's call her C) of six years; I considered her my sister and I thought I could find comfort, maybe solace, from her. Of course not! After I told C, she said nothing. It was later that her boyfriend told me that C thought I was stupid because I SI. She really hasn't spoken to me at all since that conversation.
I wish I knew what advice to give you, but I guess the best I can do is relate to your pain. I hope your situation clears up. *hugs*
I've had the same situation happen, except the words spoken about my SI were behind my back. I had told a close friend (let's call her C) of six years; I considered her my sister and I thought I could find comfort, maybe solace, from her. Of course not! After I told C, she said nothing. It was later that her boyfriend told me that C thought I was stupid because I SI. She really hasn't spoken to me at all since that conversation.
I wish I knew what advice to give you, but I guess the best I can do is relate to your pain. I hope your situation clears up. *hugs*
"I must not fear.
Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.
Where the fear has gone there will be nothing.
Only I will remain."
SI Free
Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.
Where the fear has gone there will be nothing.
Only I will remain."
SI Free
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