Before :/

[Spidey]

how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?

I don't know. Maybe I'll feel better and I won't feel like I need to apologise for my existence.

what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?

bring: a sense of calm but also a sense of loss. a sense of being grounded and being tethered

take: all my progress, I'll probably be ashamed or something

how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?

I really just want this to be gone and over. If I didn't consider su a sin it would be an option, too. closer or farther? I have no idea.

if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?

it depends on how much I do, really. Sleep.

what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then?

watch cricket on willow, play Fifa 15, watch football

It'll get my head away from the thoughts, for a bit, but they will come back, they always do...I don't know, drink?

how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?

I know I will regret it if I hurt myself. I don't know about how I feel if I do the other things, I don't know.

what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?

die, but that's realllllllly not an option. Sleep or watch cricket idk

Why do I feel I need to hurt myself? What has brought me to this point?

I feel like I crossed a boundary and said and did multiple things wrong, on many fronts, with many people. I feel wrong and huge and disgusting and like I should not exist. Icing on the failcake was taking a huge and probably unnecessary risk that might bite me in the ass, which means I'll lose even more. I'm so sick of losing, so sick of feeling this way, so tired of life.

Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it? How did I feel then?

Not quite to this extent. I quit speaking pretty much. I don't know.

What I have done to ease this discomfort so far? What else can I do that won't hurt me?

I've watched cricket, showered, gotten dressed...wrote here...

How do I feel right now?

Like a trapped, cornered rat.

How will I feel when I am hurting myself?

it depends.

How will I feel after hurting myself? How will I feel tomorrow morning?

More grounded, tethered, better able to focus

Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future?

Hahahahahaha fuuuuuuuuuuck.

Do I need to hurt myself?

idk

[treasure]

there's a few things on bus about grounding - do you think concentrating on healthy grounding techniques might help? things like naming things you see, hear, feel, taste and smell or giving yourself something nice to experience with your senses.

for me sometimes feeling like shit can be made worse if i'm stuck in my thoughts. you don't have to be around people if that's worse, but distract as much as you can. small chores, creative outlets, journalling, games, books, movies, anything.