My dad doesn't understand many things about me or my life...

[PokemonGeek]

My dad got mad at me because I already spent my monthly budget on buying some stuff I needed. He complains that I "always" buy things when I get money and asked why it's that way. He has no idea what it costs me to do laundry and also how many quarters each load takes. I mean I'm paying $1.50 to wash and $1.75 to dry each load! And sorry Dad that I needed to get garbage bags. To be honest, part of the reason that my apartment is a mess when I'm actually doing well and WANT to clean is that he always pulls me away from it saying that he needs me and doesn't care if I clean later. He doesn't realize how THAT affects me. He thinks that's the ONLY reason I got evicted from my old place but he has no idea that I wanted to leave that place for months and even said it to my therapist. And whenever I DID need to be in the apartment, he complained if I was still there waiting for whomever I was waiting for and said that I SHOULD be at the shop helping him. And he claimed that he "would have let me have the day off for the inspector" but yet while I was packing and cleaning to move out for two weeks, all he did was complain that I wasn't helping him. He has no Idea the horribly mixed messages he gives me. I ask for a day off and he makes me feel guilty and then I TRY to make arrangements which never go through and I had no idea that the person never got my message about the inspection being at a bad time and that I wouldn't be home and he claims that he would have let me have the day off. He always makes me feel guilty about anything I do that doesn't involve him or his life. He yells at me for buy some stuff I need like soap or even deodorant asking me, "Did you REALLY need that stuff?" but if I DON'T get them then he complains that I'm not taking care of myself. He actually complained once because he called at the last minute for me to come and help him with something and it took me 15 minutes to turn off the TV, get my socks on, put shoes on, use the bathroom, and take out the garbage. He told me that the garbage could have waited and that I wasted HIS time while he waited for me. I only took out the trash because the dumpster was near my car and also if I DIDN'T take it out, I'd forget and the apartment would smell. My dad has no idea what type of stress he puts me through and I can't be assertive about it all because then he'll complain and say I am making excuses even though he makes absolutely NO effort to find out what is REALLY going on. He also yelled at me because I got lost and kept getting confused while I was doing an errand for him in a town I hardly EVER go into. He never made an effort to understand that whenever I'm lost all roads look the same to me and I keep making wrong turns because I am so confused that I have no idea where I am going. It's part of my Asperger's but if I say that he'll say "You have an excuse for everything!" and make me feel bad. And just because he knows the area doesn't mean that I do or even will after three visits to it. It took me a week to find my new place WITHOUT the GPS. And if I had used the GPS, he probably would have made me feel stupid by saying something like, "You shouldn't need to use that to find it! You've been there several times before!" even though it was only twice and one of those times someone else was with me. If I had said that, he'd also claim it was "another excuse." My dad even gets mad at me sometimes if I use pocket money to buy food because I don't have a lot or enough on my food stamps card! Seriously, he'll say, "Did you REALLY need to buy food?" Last time that I held off buying food I ended up forcing myself to eat carbs like noodles and plain white bread and gained weight and he made me feel bad about myself and how I should be at this magical exact weight.

[Akor]

I don't have any words right now, just wanted to say that I'm reading and caring.