BEFORE - First time

[Paws]

Before:

Before You Self-Harm
write down the shadow that's hiding behind the urge. look at it. ask yourself:

• how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?
  Situation won't change at all. Feelings will momentarily be focused away from the situation
• what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?
  A feeling of control
• how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?
  erm, long term... I guess not
• if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?
  It would take me through the night. tomorrow is a new day and my feelings about the situation might have changed
• what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then?
  I have no idea, part from answering the before questions... what will tomorrow bring?!
• how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?
  Nonchalant either way, apart from slight annoying at having to wear a dressing
• what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?
  I want to hide and bury my head in the sand. I'm drinking now but could go to bed soon, read a book or play games until sleep comes

urges aren't necessarily the enemy. they happen for reasons, and they're an expression of a desire to stay alive and stay sane and keep coping. remember that.

More Before Questions To Answer

• Why do I feel I need to hurt myself? What has brought me to this point?
  Situations that I feel are out of my control. I want to feel pain. I want to see 'it'
• Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it? How did I feel then?
  I didn't give myself room to think it through. I just went ahead and hurt myself
• What I have done to ease this discomfort so far? What else can I do that won't hurt me?
  Pretty much nothing, I should keep telling myself that there is always tomorrow... whatever it brings
• How do I feel right now?
  Lonely, useless, unhappy.
• How will I feel when I am hurting myself?
  justified
• How will I feel after hurting myself? How will I feel tomorrow morning?
  justified, nonchalant
• Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future?
  Doubtful, outside influences
• Do I need to hurt myself?
  I will wait 1 hour, then I will try to wait another hour. I will drink and fall asleep.

[treasure]

hi Paws. did you get through the night ok? were things any better the next day?

i'm glad you gave yourself a bit of time to think, to slow down what was usually a quick decision.

[Paws]

Thanks treasure, I managed okay last night, not easily and with only a few very very minor surface scratches, but okay! Better than it could have been for sure!
I'm distracting well by playing games on my computer tonight and don't feel quite so 'edgy'

All in all a pretty positive experience for my first B&A

[Just Pomegranates]

I'm also really pleased to hear you made it through the night as well as you did - well done! And definitely a positive experience for your first time trying B&A.


In terms of more coping activities, have you considered trying to make/use a distraction box that is specifically for SI? That link is too a good thread in Coping about that. As well as other ideas that come off the top of my head (if you haven't already tried them/already employ them) like marathoning TV show seasons - when you have time at night or whatever of course - if you feel it might help with urges (I'm a big fan of that one), watching movies, reading like you mentioned, taking Bruno for a walk/run.

Well done and hang in there lovely!

[Akor]

I'm happy that the night went alright for you and that you found the B&A forum to be a positive experience.
You did great!