Write down the shadow that's hiding behind the urge. Look at it.
Ask yourself:
- How will this situation or feeling change if I hurt myself?
It will make the emotions less intense, bring about some calm and some relief. It will give the feelings a physical outlet. - What will hurting myself bring to the situation? What will it take away from the situation?
Bring - calm, relief, make something shift,
Take away - my long standing SI-free period, I'll feel like I'm less able to use healthy strategies. - How do I want to feel about this in the long run? Is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?
I want to be able to say I used healthy coping skills, and that it shows I'm making some sort of progress. I want to feel as if I dealt with the situation, as opposed to just giving in and numbing it. - If hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? What will I do then?
It has been so long, that I could get a few days relief out of it. But there is the a good chance I'll want to do it again (and have an excuse to), and the cycle begins. A cycle I've worked hard to break. - What is something I could do now instead of hurting myself? How will it change the situation I'm in? How long will that change last, and what will I do then?
I'm feeling fragile and overwhelmed - so I could try doing something to comfort/soothe myself (although I really don't *want* to comfort myself which is probably a sign that is what I *need*). I could try using my special foot lotion and massaging that in, or... um... I can google for self soothing ideas and see what that brings up, and I could end up getting sucked into web browsing. All else fails, I could cuddle up with my collection of teddies and try and sleep (I'm doubtful I can get to sleep though - so I could end up getting frustrated and more urgey as a result... it's a fine line). - How will I feel tomorrow if I hurt myself? How will I feel tomorrow if I do the other things I came up with?
If I SI - I'll probably feel like a failure and stupid, and possibly ashamed. It will give me another reason to hate myself.
If I do something else - I know I won't acknowledge it properly (like I would if it were someone else), but at least I won't been beating myself up over it. - What do I really want to do right now? How can I best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?
As I realized ^, I think the urge is telling me I want to find a way to make some of this emotional distress change, but also that I want to do something painful to myself. I want to inflict that pain on myself. But what I need is to be comforted and soothed. So, if I want to honour that part of me that is trying to protect me and give me what I need, I should try something self soothing. Its late which limits my options, but there has to be some useful ideas somewhere on the web that I could try.
