Things Left Unsaid *LA* v. 6

[Just Pomegranates]

I'm still not over that comment. You are such a fucking hypocrite.

[Eva]

Please come back

[TheRockingHorse]

I'm so sorry I'm not around. I've tried and tried; no one will let me talk to you. I'm so sorry for everything we went through, I'm sorry I didn't have a better reason for not letting you die (I'm even sorrier that I don't think there was one...), I'm sorry you don't have access to the help that I have, I'd give it all to you if I could. I want you to see what I'm doing, what's helping me, but only if you could have it too. I'm just so sorry. I think about you almost every day still, which is probably stupid, but I feel so guilty for getting valid help when I don't know if you have it, because let's be honest, you probably don't. Please please just be okay... and there I go being selfish again. Sending so much love and care your way. I am sorry.

[StarChild]

I wish you hadn't told me what you told me. Of all the things I need to hear, that was not one of them.

[carbonhawker]

you know i apologised to you. it was the same kind of jokey comment i make and you enjoy, we had a wonderful night which promised more, and then you completely lost it - i mean what was that all about? but fine. i move on like i always do. nothing off you in three weeks but an uncomfortable silence at the party and that's a shame since i thought we could be more. but then again maybe it's for the best as in the process i remembered what i had was better. i'm not going to fight anymore.

[Spidey]

NO. NO. NO. NO. NO.

[morrigan]

i'm sorry. i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry.
maybe you should just leave me.
i'm no good at this. i thought i would be, but i'm not and i'm just making it hard for you.
i'm sorry

[Spidey]

I wish I knew how to take your pain away. I know that you love him, that he meant the world to you, that he was your boy. You keep blaming yourself, saying if you only spent more time with him, fed him this, didn't feed him that, gave him this, didn't give him that, that he'd be here longer. Everyone says differently; you gave him everything he ever could have wanted or needed. NOTHING YOU DID. ABSOLUTELY

NOTHING

YOU

DID

caused this. It was life's natural progression and if anything, the surgery gave him extra time. I know you're angry, I know you're sad, and I wish that I could take the pain away for you. I wish I could make this a big chalkboard and either erase it or better yet, bring him back. I wish I had that kind of power. But he died peacefully, he died loved, fed, well-taken care of by us and his doctor, and most of all, with dignity. I wish I had magic words or vision that could make you question yourself less. You pace everywhere looking for him, wondering what you could have done and you did everything you could. You gave everything you could. I hate that I can't take your pain away, that I can't say anything in either language that I speak to help or reassure you.

I hurt, too. I don't want to drive my car because it's filled with reminders of him. I'm holding so much back emotionally because I know you need someone, both of you need someone right now, and that someone is me. I'm just saying it's too cold, when in actuality I got in my car and I noticed the drool marks on my dashboard and I couldn't deal with it. Everything in my car, in my place, in the house, is a reminder of him. I thought I heard him tonight. I still look for him. I wish I could tell you how I feel but I have to keep it contained, if for your sake. I can't imagine how you must feel right now, but know that I wish I could take your pain away, that I'd give anything and everything to have him back here.

I hate that you hurt so badly and I can do so little.

[treasure]

to A and L
you might have heard of si, you might even have done it yourself, but it's something i'm struggling with and need support with. i don't si any more, but then sometimes things sneak through, i hurt myself without leaving a scar, and sometimes i get so very very close to falling off the wagon. i wish it was not so hard to talk about. i wish that you understood without me having to dredge up exactly why i did/do it.
i am afraid that i will trigger you to si, just by discussing it, i don't really know if you are doing ok at the moment. you sound ok, but you are quiet and likely to hide it until you really needed help. i don't know if you would turn to me for help, so i feel selfish asking you. i don't want to always be asking for support, and i don't like that i tend to stay distant until i do need help. equal friendships are new to me, i don't know how to do it. i wish you did, that you would have perfect boundaries so that sometimes i get help and sometimes i'm asked to give help. but you don't and i don't, and if i start asking for help i might tip this whole thing over into being the victim.

[Butterfly.]

The things you say, and you're attitude to everything - it's making my thoughts about myself worse. It's feeding the moods. I'm struggling and you just keep berating me about it. I don't feel I can talk to you about any of this.

[Stawberry_Lollipops]

Where's your compassion? Why did you have to be so fucking negative about it. I donated to a charity. I would think you'd be pleased I'm doing something to help other people who need it. But no, you just tell me I can't afford it because I don't have much of an income. Yeah, you're right there but the income I do have it is my fucking choice what I spend it on. I'm budgeting better these days, I'm slowing paying off my debits and saving and I still have money left over. The only reason I have no money between payments is because I gamble too much and buy too much shit for myself. I'll just gamble less (and hey, you know this might actually encourage me to gamble less) and not buy things I don't need. Those kids need my money more than I do. Why do you have to be so hypocritical about it? You encourage me to buy new clothes, for fuck's sake you encouraged me to buy my new shoes the other day. And you comment about you don't know where that money is going too...I really doubt a charity would not spend it on what they're supposed to. It would be a different story if I was sick with cancer wouldn't it? You'd want people to donate then whether they had much money or not.

[Birdie]

Why do you have to be so god damn negative? I'm doing a GOOD thing, I'm earning a living, I'm helping others, but leave it to you two to find some way to criticize me for it. Can't you just be proud that I'm growing up and wanting to help people? I will be FINE, I was TRAINED, and these people are HARMLESS. Honestly, what are they gonna do? Just because you look down your nose at everyone doesn't mean I do, I'm not above this job, I'm not better than these people, and I'm not in any danger! Just bite your tongue and be supportive, or don't talk to me about it. Period.

[Stawberry_Lollipops]

Why on earth do you have to ask so many questions all the time? Why do you need to know every single detail about my day? I know it's only because you care and are genuinely interested but my god, some of your questions...how the hell I'm supposed to know the answer too? Some of your questions are just plain stupid and unanswerable. You can be such a busy body sometimes and it frustrates me! *le sigh*

[Birdie]

This is exactly what I've been talking to you about.....now kindly extract your claws and let me go. I'll be around. I'll even bake you brownies. But the more I find out about myself as my own person, the more I like this new person, and I wanna keep growing. Into ME. Just me. I can do this.

[Stawberry_Lollipops]

Why do you have to be so fucking negative all the time?! Like seriously this is MY life we're talking about and MY money, not yours. And I'm trying to help myself mood-wise and your comment about pdoc did not help.

[Birdie]

I don't....get you....you're not a bad person, you're just.....I don't know. But I'm 19 years old and no longer a victim by any means, I guess I don't have any space to complain. Nope, I really don't. But.....I don't know. Fuck. What is this?

I just wanna know.....when it started?

[Jamas]

[Jamas]

[Spidey]

i am trying to carry this burden for you in hopes that it will alleviate my own. But it hurts, every day, it hurts, more and more. I don't want to say this to you because I don't want to hurt you, or make you cry any more, but I feel empty and it hurts. I try to keep a brave and factual, almost tactical face, just for you.

You weren't the only one who had your heart halved. In fact...it's a small wonder how I have a heart at all, given...

[Butterfly.]

I wish you could open your eyes, and see things as they really are, rather than continuing the way things are.