*sigh* After :(

[s0_vErY_sCaReD]

• have you taken care of your physical wounds? if not, go do that now. we'll wait.
  yes
• what had happened just before?
  the urge had been building and setting in for a few hours
• what were you thinking and feeling?
  "Just a little bit ... Just a few minor c*ts, then I'll fell better and I can sleep."
• why did you end up hurting yourself then instead of some other time? was there an event that was the final straw? what was it?
  I guess the desire was just too overwhelming, and I'm too cowardly to call anyone
• how did the situation get to the final straw stage? trace it back through the events that led up to the last event. look for some point at which you could have made a different decision and not arrived at the final straw.
  ...
• were there outside factors like drugs, alsohol, being off your meds, lack of sleep, etc? can you address those in the future? how?
  I've just been feeling very blah and having a lot of SU thoughts lately. This seemed like the least dangerous of my options
• what other ways of coping did you try besides self-harm? how well did they work?
  distracting, journalling. Obviously not too well
• in retrospect, are there coping methods that you now realize might have helped? what were they?
  maybe. I could've phoned a friend, a hotline, dug out a coloring book, etc
• name at least two things you will do to help yourself remember those coping methods if you end up in this situation again.
  ...
• how do you feel about the situation that led to self-harm now? is it resolved? if not, what are some steps you might take toward resolution?
  Its not. not by a long shot ... uhm ...
• are you likely to be in that emotional place again? how will you recognize it when you're in that situation?
  yeah, I seem to be there a lot
• what will you try before you resort to self-harm if you're in that situation again? list three specific things you will commit to trying.
  ... uhm ... I don't really want to say I'll "commit" to anything, cuz thats like a promise, and I don't make promises I'm not sure I can keep

• What made that opportunity more appealing than any other?
  ...
• Did you make an opportunity or was it there for the taking?
  A little of both
• What would you have done if there was no opportunity, how would you have handled your urge?
  I probably would have made one, somehow
• If there had been no opportunity would your urge to self-harm have increased or decreased?
  oh, definitively increased
• What consitutes opportunity for you? Being alone? having new tools? waiting for the right feeling?
  being alone, having a sharp implement, feeling sh*tty, being overwhelmed, just about anything really. even when things are going well, I still feel like it
• If your opportunties were taken away, how would you feel?
  if they were ALL gone, I'd go batsh*t insane. I'd likely be strapped to a bed and sedated somewhere

[/size]

[amerylis]

Im glad to read you managed to take care of your injuries before comming and posting etc.

I think you should try and notice that you have been allowing yourself to sit with thoughts for a time before acting on them and that is a good step to do. Is this something you could ask your PHP group for support with?

I really hope things et a bit easier soon for you.

[s0_vErY_sCaReD]

I think you should try and notice that you have been allowing yourself to sit with thoughts for a time before acting on them and that is a good step to do. Is this something you could ask your PHP group for support with?

I dunno if I could get myself to do so. I'm very private IRL about my c*tting. I don't want anyone to know. I'm afraid. I know I've been "sitting with" the urges/thoughts for a while, but it just seems to make the urge worse/stronger and I feel the "need" to make more/deeper c*ts to satify the urges. *sigh*

[s0_vErY_sCaReD]

• have you taken care of your physical wounds? if not, go do that now. we'll wait.
  yes
• what had happened just before?
  I had been surfing the web
• what were you thinking and feeling?
  I want to cut my inner left forearm a little bit, or, even better, my outer right forearm deep enough for stitches and claim I slipped and fell in the slick mud from the rain we had today
• why did you end up hurting yourself then instead of some other time? was there an event that was the final straw? what was it?
  I'm not sure. I'd been able to resist for a while. I went all of Saturday without c*tting
• how did the situation get to the final straw stage? trace it back through the events that led up to the last event. look for some point at which you could have made a different decision and not arrived at the final straw.
  I found out today that "Santa" left me a gift at my parents house (he came a couple days early), and I feel undeserving of an extra gift, on top of what I will be getting from my secret santa on Christmas Day. And I'm tense about not going to PHP for another two days.
• were there outside factors like drugs, alsohol, being off your meds, lack of sleep, etc? can you address those in the future? how?
  No, I was late in taking my 1p and 4p meds. I didn't get them till 7p. That could be a part of it
• what other ways of coping did you try besides self-harm? how well did they work?
  coloring, journalling, playing online games; they worked for a little bit, but the thought never left
• in retrospect, are there coping methods that you now realize might have helped? what were they?
  uhm ... I used all my coping other than calling crisis. They will be very busy this time of year with ppl who actually *NEED* the service
• name at least two things you will do to help yourself remember those coping methods if you end up in this situation again.
  ...
• how do you feel about the situation that led to self-harm now? is it resolved? if not, what are some steps you might take toward resolution?
  I feel stupid; its not resolved; i dunno
• are you likely to be in that emotional place again? how will you recognize it when you're in that situation?
  yes, especially this time of year
• what will you try before you resort to self-harm if you're in that situation again? list three specific things you will commit to trying.
  commiting to me is tantamount to promising. I don't make promises, I don't break promises

• What made that opportunity more appealing than any other?
  being that i'm going to my parents' house tomorrow to pick up my Santa gift
• Did you make an opportunity or was it there for the taking?
  it was there
• What would you have done if there was no opportunity, how would you have handled your urge?
  made one
• If there had been no opportunity would your urge to self-harm have increased or decreased?
  increased, i would have obsessed over it till I ended up making an opportunity and probably ended up doing more damage than I did
• What consitutes opportunity for you? Being alone? having new tools? waiting for the right feeling?
  being alone, being stressed, having tools and/or something I could use as a tool
• If your opportunties were taken away, how would you feel?
  i'm pretty sure I'd go completely insane

[/size]

[s0_vErY_sCaReD]

• have you taken care of your physical wounds? if not, go do that now. we'll wait.
  yes
• what had happened just before?
  I was sitting in PHP
• what were you thinking and feeling?
  I gotta get out of the room, I need to get up, I wish I could slow down my mind.
• why did you end up hurting yourself then instead of some other time? was there an event that was the final straw? what was it?
  I don't know. Just really stressed from PHP lately
• how did the situation get to the final straw stage? trace it back through the events that led up to the last event. look for some point at which you could have made a different decision and not arrived at the final straw.
  I was in PHP, I couldn't do a whole lot about my surroundings.
• were there outside factors like drugs, alsohol, being off your meds, lack of sleep, etc? can you address those in the future? how?
  Just being in PHP; ask to check in with someone
• what other ways of coping did you try besides self-harm? how well did they work?
  I didn't
• in retrospect, are there coping methods that you now realize might have helped? what were they?
  checking in
• name at least two things you will do to help yourself remember those coping methods if you end up in this situation again.
  ...
• how do you feel about the situation that led to self-harm now? is it resolved? if not, what are some steps you might take toward resolution?
  seems to be happening a lot lately; no
• are you likely to be in that emotional place again? how will you recognize it when you're in that situation?
  yes, especially this time of year
• what will you try before you resort to self-harm if you're in that situation again? list three specific things you will commit to trying.
  commiting to me is tantamount to promising. I don't make promises, I don't break promises

• What made that opportunity more appealing than any other?
  nothing in particular
• Did you make an opportunity or was it there for the taking?
  I made one
• What would you have done if there was no opportunity, how would you have handled your urge?
  Still would have made one
• If there had been no opportunity would your urge to self-harm have increased or decreased?
  increased, i would have obsessed over it till I ended up making an opportunity and probably ended up doing more damage than I did
• What consitutes opportunity for you? Being alone? having new tools? waiting for the right feeling?
  being alone, being stressed, having tools and/or something I could use as a tool; and lately, being in PHP
• If your opportunties were taken away, how would you feel?
  i'm pretty sure I'd go completely insane

[/size]

[s0_vErY_sCaReD]

• have you taken care of your physical wounds? if not, go do that now. we'll wait.
  yes
• what had happened just before?
  I was journaling and talking to D
• what were you thinking and feeling?
  I dunno what to do. I wish I could slow down my mind. What is HE thinking??
• why did you end up hurting yourself then instead of some other time? was there an event that was the final straw? what was it?
  I don't know. Just really stressed lately. Might be going IP tomorrow. But if there's not a bed at Hospital X, I'm not going.
• how did the situation get to the final straw stage? trace it back through the events that led up to the last event. look for some point at which you could have made a different decision and not arrived at the final straw.
  I was talking to D and telling him about going IP.
• were there outside factors like drugs, alsohol, being off your meds, lack of sleep, etc? can you address those in the future? how?
  I think its just the stress of this time of year.
• what other ways of coping did you try besides self-harm? how well did they work?
  journalling, breathing
• in retrospect, are there coping methods that you now realize might have helped? what were they?
  I dunno
• name at least two things you will do to help yourself remember those coping methods if you end up in this situation again.
  ...
• how do you feel about the situation that led to self-harm now? is it resolved? if not, what are some steps you might take toward resolution?
  I just dunno what to do about this thing with D; no, its not resolved; I dunno
• are you likely to be in that emotional place again? how will you recognize it when you're in that situation?
  yes, especially this time of year
• what will you try before you resort to self-harm if you're in that situation again? list three specific things you will commit to trying.
  commiting to me is tantamount to promising. I don't make promises, I don't break promises

• What made that opportunity more appealing than any other?
  nothing in particular
• Did you make an opportunity or was it there for the taking?
  both
• What would you have done if there was no opportunity, how would you have handled your urge?
  Would have made one
• If there had been no opportunity would your urge to self-harm have increased or decreased?
  increased, i would have obsessed over it till I ended up making an opportunity and probably ended up doing a lot more damage than I did
• What consitutes opportunity for you? Being alone? having new tools? waiting for the right feeling?
  being alone, being stressed, having tools and/or something I could use as a tool; and lately, being in PHP and talking to D
• If your opportunties were taken away, how would you feel?
  i'm pretty sure I'd go completely insane, unless I get some new ideas

[/size]

[s0_vErY_sCaReD]

[quote="s0_vErY_sCaReD"]

• have you taken care of your physical wounds? if not, go do that now. we'll wait.
  yes
• what had happened just before?
  I was playing computer games
• what were you thinking and feeling?
  I dunno what to do. I wish I could slow down my mind. What am I gonna do tomorrow?
• why did you end up hurting yourself then instead of some other time? was there an event that was the final straw? what was it?
  I don't know. Just really stressed lately. There's not a bed at Hospital X. I'm not going anywhere else!!.
• how did the situation get to the final straw stage? trace it back through the events that led up to the last event. look for some point at which you could have made a different decision and not arrived at the final straw.
  Thinking about going IP.
• were there outside factors like drugs, alsohol, being off your meds, lack of sleep, etc? can you address those in the future? how?
  I think its just the stress of this time of year.
• what other ways of coping did you try besides self-harm? how well did they work?
  journalling, breathing, playing online games, listening to music
• in retrospect, are there coping methods that you now realize might have helped? what were they?
  I dunno
• name at least two things you will do to help yourself remember those coping methods if you end up in this situation again.
  ...
• how do you feel about the situation that led to self-harm now? is it resolved? if not, what are some steps you might take toward resolution?
  I just dunno what to do about this thing with getting into Hospital X; no, its not resolved; I dunno
• are you likely to be in that emotional place again? how will you recognize it when you're in that situation?
  yes, especially this time of year
• what will you try before you resort to self-harm if you're in that situation again? list three specific things you will commit to trying.
  commiting to me is tantamount to promising. I don't make promises, I don't break promises

• What made that opportunity more appealing than any other?
  nothing in particular
• Did you make an opportunity or was it there for the taking?
  both
• What would you have done if there was no opportunity, how would you have handled your urge?
  Would have made one
• If there had been no opportunity would your urge to self-harm have increased or decreased?
  increased, i would have obsessed over it till I ended up making an opportunity and probably ended up doing a lot more damage than I did
• What consitutes opportunity for you? Being alone? having new tools? waiting for the right feeling?
  being alone, being stressed, having tools and/or something I could use as a tool; and lately, being in PHP and talking to D
• If your opportunties were taken away, how would you feel?
  if they were all gone I'm pretty sure I'd go completely insane, and be strapped down somwhere. Unless I get some new ideas

[/size]

[treasure]

when i stopped si-ing i told myself i wanted to see if it was really working for me, so i would try not to use it unless i felt i had to. i realised that while the urge to si was really strong, the purpose of si for me was to deal with my emotions, and i wasn't even feeling my emotions, i was skipping straight to feeling overwhelmed with the urge to si. the thoughts/feelings/urges that go along with si are difficult to ignore, but if you slow down and figure out where they are coming from then it can get easier to identify what you might be feeling and what can help.

i couldn't promise myself to quit, or to use specific coping skills, but i could try and help myself get what i thought i needed out of si from other places, and the si urges got much easier to deal with.

in retrospect, are there coping methods that you now realize might have helped? what were they?
uhm ... I used all my coping other than calling crisis

have you looked at the vast list of coping activites on the coping forum? maybe you need to have your own sort of checklist with more things to do. some of what i might do (i do have a list but i don't read it very often): things like make a hot drink, do some cleaning, go for a walk, play music (music to dance to, or sing to, or help me express sadness or anger - a playlist for everything), stumbleupon, read a book (any book), de-ice the freezer by bashing the ice that forms round the edge with a rolling pin, re-read my journal or bus place from the start or from a random place, watch TED talks, text message someone, call someone, sort out my email inbox, sort the files on my computer, create a drawing on the computer (doesn't have to be good), art or crafts, do some gardening (i should do some pruning), having a shower or bath, waiting 5 mins (or 15, or any amount)... i give up thinking for now, but there can be lots of things that help that are easy to forget about.

[s0_vErY_sCaReD]

• have you taken care of your physical wounds? if not, go do that now. we'll wait.
  yes
• what had happened just before?
  the urge had been building and setting in for a while
• what were you thinking and feeling?
  "I want to severely injure myself. I want to stop the craziness in my brain. I'm not going to c*t up my arms the way I want to. I use my stomach instead."
• why did you end up hurting yourself then instead of some other time? was there an event that was the final straw? what was it?
  I guess the desire was just too overwhelming, and I'm too cowardly to call anyone, even if my cell phone did work inside the house.
• how did the situation get to the final straw stage? trace it back through the events that led up to the last event. look for some point at which you could have made a different decision and not arrived at the final straw.
  ...
• were there outside factors like drugs, alsohol, being off your meds, lack of sleep, etc? can you address those in the future? how?
  I've just been feeling very blah and having a lot of SU thoughts lately. This seemed like the least dangerous of my options
• what other ways of coping did you try besides self-harm? how well did they work?
  distracting, journaling, putzing around online. Obviously not too well
• in retrospect, are there coping methods that you now realize might have helped? what were they?
  I could've probably phoned a friend, a hotline, dug out a coloring book, etc
• name at least two things you will do to help yourself remember those coping methods if you end up in this situation again.
  ...
• how do you feel about the situation that led to self-harm now? is it resolved? if not, what are some steps you might take toward resolution?
  Its not. Not by a long shot ... uhm ...
• are you likely to be in that emotional place again? how will you recognize it when you're in that situation?
  yeah, I seem to be here a lot
• what will you try before you resort to self-harm if you're in that situation again? list three specific things you will commit to trying.
  ... uhm ... I don't really want to say I'll "commit" to anything, cuz thats like a promise, and I don't make promises I'm not sure I can keep

• What made that opportunity more appealing than any other?
  Trying to deal with the akathisia that keeps me from resting/relaxing at night
• Did you make an opportunity or was it there for the taking?
  A little of both
• What would you have done if there was no opportunity, how would you have handled your urge?
  I probably would have made one, somehow
• If there had been no opportunity would your urge to self-harm have increased or decreased?
  oh, definitively increased
• What consitutes opportunity for you? Being alone? having new tools? waiting for the right feeling?
  being alone, having an implement, feeling sh*tty, being overwhelmed, just about anything really. even when things are going well, I still feel like it
• If your opportunties were taken away, how would you feel?
  if they were ALL gone, I'd go batsh*t insane. I'd probably be restrained and sedated somewhere

[/size]

[s0_vErY_sCaReD]

**injury occurred last night. Just getting around to the questions now**

• have you taken care of your physical wounds? if not, go do that now. we'll wait.
  yes
• what had happened just before?
  I was at my volunteering job having a wonderful time
• what were you thinking and feeling?
  "I wonder what color sutures Hospital X uses. Guess its time to find out."
• why did you end up hurting yourself then instead of some other time? was there an event that was the final straw? what was it?
  because I was curious as to what color sutures were used at the hospital I was closest to
• how did the situation get to the final straw stage? trace it back through the events that led up to the last event. look for some point at which you could have made a different decision and not arrived at the final straw.
  I don't even know why I did it. I was having a great day!
• were there outside factors like drugs, alsohol, being off your meds, lack of sleep, etc? can you address those in the future? how?
  I've just been feeling very blah and having a lot of SU thoughts lately. This seemed like the least dangerous of my options. And curiosity got the better of me.
• what other ways of coping did you try besides self-harm? how well did they work?
  I didn't
• in retrospect, are there coping methods that you now realize might have helped? what were they?
  dunno
• name at least two things you will do to help yourself remember those coping methods if you end up in this situation again.
  ...
• how do you feel about the situation that led to self-harm now? is it resolved? if not, what are some steps you might take toward resolution?
  Like I said ... dunno
• are you likely to be in that emotional place again? how will you recognize it when you're in that situation?
  ...
• what will you try before you resort to self-harm if you're in that situation again? list three specific things you will commit to trying.
  ... uhm ... I don't really want to say I'll "commit" to anything, cuz thats like a promise, and I don't make promises I'm not sure I can keep

• What made that opportunity more appealing than any other?
  location and proximity to a certain ER
• Did you make an opportunity or was it there for the taking?
  a bit of both
• What would you have done if there was no opportunity, how would you have handled your urge?
  would have found one
• If there had been no opportunity would your urge to self-harm have increased or decreased?
  increased
• What consitutes opportunity for you? Being alone? having new tools? waiting for the right feeling?
  just about anything lately
• If your opportunties were taken away, how would you feel?
  if they were ALL gone, I'd go batsh*t insane. I'd probably be restrained and sedated somewhere

[/size]

[treasure]

so_very_scared, are you willing to look deeper at the triggers and urges that led up to this si? while curiousity and general su feelings might seem clearest, it sounds like there's more here to take you from having a good day to doing something self-destructive? i am worried that your si follows your mood and your mood follows your si round in a cycle, that you might be stuck right now. do you talk about your moods and mental health with anyone? while physical help is what you are craving, it seems like a poor fill-in for help with mental health.

[s0_vErY_sCaReD]

so_very_scared, are you willing to look deeper at the triggers and urges that led up to this si? while curiousity and general su feelings might seem clearest, it sounds like there's more here to take you from having a good day to doing something self-destructive? i am worried that your si follows your mood and your mood follows your si round in a cycle, that you might be stuck right now. do you talk about your moods and mental health with anyone? while physical help is what you are craving, it seems like a poor fill-in for help with mental health.

I've been puzzling over WHY I did this all day. I don't know why. I wish I did. I'm really trying to pick it apart, so to speak. I had a great time back at volunteering. A little hectic trying to get one set of young twins to sleep, but other than that, a great easy day. I got to see my friends who I hadn't seen since the beginning of December. I enjoyed being back in the hustle and bustle of being around the kids. I just ... I dunno. I went in the staff bathroom and ... the rest is history.

I have a counselor I see on a weekly basis. I've not yet told him of my SI. He hasn't asked about anything related to it. Right now we seem to be focused on craving control in my life through my hoarding and over-eating. SI is another control issue. I'm sure I will bring it up in time. I just fear that going down that road will lead to something else entirely. And I don't want to go back IP. Been thinking about trying to get back into PHP, but I think I have been essentially banned from the place I was going last year. They actually told me I cannot come back there for IP treatment. *sigh*

[swirlish]

Is there a particular reason you don't try anything else before you SI? I've noticed that you often don't answer questions about what you could do instead. Do you want to not self-injure?

Mia

[s0_vErY_sCaReD]

Is there a particular reason you don't try anything else before you SI? I've noticed that you often don't answer questions about what you could do instead. Do you want to not self-injure?

I do try some things sometimes. As for not answering what I could've done instead, I don't have an answer.

in retrospect, are there coping methods that you now realize might have helped? what were they?
dunno

Thinking back on Thursday night, I cannot come up with something I could have done instead. Not atm.

name at least two things you will do to help yourself remember those coping methods if you end up in this situation again.
...

Being that I was unable to come up with any other coping methods, kinda have to leave this one blank

how do you feel about the situation that led to self-harm now? is it resolved? if not, what are some steps you might take toward resolution?
Like I said ... dunno

Since I can't (currently) pinpoint WHY I decided to SI at this particular time, I can't really answer this.

are you likely to be in that emotional place again? how will you recognize it when you're in that situation?
...

And, being that I couldn't come up with an answer to the previous question, I can't really answer this one.

As for wanting to stop; I do, but I don't. I mean, I want to stop hurting myself. I want to get on with my life. But I don't want to lose my most effective stress reducer. Oye!! Life can be difficult![/size]

[treasure]

hi s_v_s, thanks for replying.

my go-to alternatives to si are simple things that i remember easily - having a hot drink or something to eat, listening to music, writing on bus. there might be others you can remember or that are more relevant to you, like going for a walk, setting a timer and waiting 5 mins etc. these things may be extremely simple but they are still effective ways of keeping control, of giving yourself a task to do that you will commit to instead of si-ing, but only a temporary commitment, a tiny commitment, of giving yourself a chance to make a choice, instead of being "forced" to do the only thing you can currently think of doing.

if you still si after that one small task that's ok, that's moving towards a better place. if there is no alternative, and si is the only coping strategy you rely on, then that will not help you and si will stay at the same level or get worse.

if you are willing to take up the challenge, commit to something small that you will do next time you have the opportunity and urge to si. you only have to do it once, you only have to spend a few minutes on it, and there is no penalty if you break the promise. just make it with yourself, challenge yourself to find and do an alternative thing before si.

[s0_vErY_sCaReD]

**injury was last night, just got around to this now**

• have you taken care of your physical wounds? if not, go do that now. we'll wait.
  yes
• what had happened just before?
  I had been trying to "sit with it" for about two hours
• what were you thinking and feeling?
  "Just a little bit ... Just a few minor c*ts, then I'll feel better and I can sleep."
• why did you end up hurting yourself then instead of some other time? was there an event that was the final straw? what was it?
  I had been sitting with it for a couple hours, the opportunity was there, and I'm too cowardly to call anyone
• how did the situation get to the final straw stage? trace it back through the events that led up to the last event. look for some point at which you could have made a different decision and not arrived at the final straw.
  Instead of just sitting by myself, I could have called/texted a friend or gone to Psych Emergency Services totalk to someone
• were there outside factors like drugs, alsohol, being off your meds, lack of sleep, etc? can you address those in the future? how?
  I've just been feeling very blah and having a lot of SU thoughts lately. I was IP last week and it only triggered me. This seemed like the least dangerous of my options
• what other ways of coping did you try besides self-harm? how well did they work?
  distracting, sitting with the feelings. Obviously not too well
• in retrospect, are there coping methods that you now realize might have helped? what were they?
  maybe. I could've phoned a friend, a hotline, dug out a coloring book, etc
• name at least two things you will do to help yourself remember those coping methods if you end up in this situation again.
  I dunno, I don't want to post anything on the walls.
• how do you feel about the situation that led to self-harm now? is it resolved? if not, what are some steps you might take toward resolution?
  I feel stupid and like giving up on quitting. Its not. not by a long shot ... uhm ... I dunno. Maybe I need further help.
• are you likely to be in that emotional place again? how will you recognize it when you're in that situation?
  yeah, I seem to be there a lot
• what will you try before you resort to self-harm if you're in that situation again? list three specific things you will commit to trying.
  ... uhm ... I really don't want to say I'll "commit" to anything, cuz thats like a promise, and I don't make promises I'm not sure I can keep

• What made that opportunity more appealing than any other?
  I was alone and there was no one to talk to
• Did you make an opportunity or was it there for the taking?
  It was there for the taking
• What would you have done if there was no opportunity, how would you have handled your urge?
  I probably would have made one, somehow
• If there had been no opportunity would your urge to self-harm have increased or decreased?
  oh, definitively increased. I have been in the position where I've been triggered but not had the opportunity, and the urge got MUCH worse
• What consitutes opportunity for you? Being alone? having new tools? waiting for the right feeling?
  being alone, having a tool, feeling sh*tty, being overwhelmed, just about anything really. even when things are going well, I still feel like it
• If your opportunties were taken away, how would you feel?
  if they were ALL gone, I feel like I'd go batsh*t insane. Like, strapped to a bed and sedated insane

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[s0_vErY_sCaReD]

• have you taken care of your physical wounds? if not, go do that now. we'll wait.
  yes, cleaned and covered
• what had happened just before?
  I came home from the movies, watched some TV and got ready for bed
• what were you thinking and feeling?
  "Here I am, in this house all alone."
• why did you end up hurting yourself then instead of some other time? was there an event that was the final straw? what was it?
  I'm home alone. There's no one around to see me.
• how did the situation get to the final straw stage? trace it back through the events that led up to the last event. look for some point at which you could have made a different decision and not arrived at the final straw.
  I could have thrown away my tool
• were there outside factors like drugs, alsohol, being off your meds, lack of sleep, etc? can you address those in the future? how?
  I cant think of any outside factors that I could have changed. I was IP last week and it only triggered me.
• what other ways of coping did you try besides self-harm? how well did they work?
  petted the cat, had a sweet snack, watched TV ... They worked for a little while, but not long
• in retrospect, are there coping methods that you now realize might have helped? what were they?
  maybe journaling or calling a crisis hotline
• name at least two things you will do to help yourself remember those coping methods if you end up in this situation again.
• how do you feel about the situation that led to self-harm now? is it resolved? if not, what are some steps you might take toward resolution?
  not resolved
• are you likely to be in that emotional place again? how will you recognize it when you're in that situation?
  yes, I seem to be here a lot
• what will you try before you resort to self-harm if you're in that situation again? list three specific things you will commit to trying.

• What made that opportunity more appealing than any other?
  being home alone and knowing I wouldn't get caught
• Did you make an opportunity or was it there for the taking?
  it was there for the taking
• What would you have done if there was no opportunity, how would you have handled your urge?
  I would have likely made an opportunity
• If there had been no opportunity would your urge to self-harm have increased or decreased?
  Increased
• What consitutes opportunity for you? Being alone? having new tools? waiting for the right feeling?
  being alone, having tools, overwhelming emotion
• If your opportunties were taken away, how would you feel?
  I'd go insane. Having them taken away whilst IP was horrible.

[/size]

[s0_vErY_sCaReD]

• have you taken care of your physical wounds? if not, go do that now. we'll wait.
  yes
• what had happened just before?
  I had been sitting with it for a few hours since I woke up
• what were you thinking and feeling?
  "Just a little bit ... Just a few minor c*ts, then I'll feel better and I can do my assigned chores."
• why did you end up hurting yourself then instead of some other time? was there an event that was the final straw? what was it?
  I had been sitting with it for a couple hours, the opportunity was there, and I'm too cowardly to call anyone
• how did the situation get to the final straw stage? trace it back through the events that led up to the last event. look for some point at which you could have made a different decision and not arrived at the final straw.
  Instead of sitting alone, I could have called/texted my sister to see if I could come over and hold the baby. Or I could have called a crisis line.
• were there outside factors like drugs, alsohol, being off your meds, lack of sleep, etc? can you address those in the future? how?
  I've just been feeling very blah and having a lot of SU thoughts lately. I was IP last week and it only triggered me. This seemed like the least dangerous of my options. Hopefully it will "hold me over" for a while.
• what other ways of coping did you try besides self-harm? how well did they work?
  distracting, sitting with the feelings. Obviously not too well
• in retrospect, are there coping methods that you now realize might have helped? what were they?
  maybe. I could've phoned a friend, a hotline, dug out a coloring book, etc
• name at least two things you will do to help yourself remember those coping methods if you end up in this situation again.
  I dunno, I don't want to post anything on the walls of the house or RV.
• how do you feel about the situation that led to self-harm now? is it resolved? if not, what are some steps you might take toward resolution?
  I feel stupid and like giving up on quitting SI. Its not. not by a long shot ... uhm ... I dunno. Maybe I need further help.
• are you likely to be in that emotional place again? how will you recognize it when you're in that situation?
  yeah, I seem to be there a lot
• what will you try before you resort to self-harm if you're in that situation again? list three specific things you will commit to trying.
  ... uhm ... I really don't want to say I'll "commit" to anything, cuz thats like a promise, and I don't make promises I'm not sure I can keep

• What made that opportunity more appealing than any other?
  I was alone and there was no one to talk to
• Did you make an opportunity or was it there for the taking?
  It was there for the taking
• What would you have done if there was no opportunity, how would you have handled your urge?
  I probably would have made one, somehow
• If there had been no opportunity would your urge to self-harm have increased or decreased?
  oh, definitively increased. I have been in the position where I've been triggered but not had the opportunity, and the urge got MUCH worse
• What consitutes opportunity for you? Being alone? having new tools? waiting for the right feeling?
  being alone, having a tool, feeling sh*tty, being overwhelmed, just about anything really. even when things are going well, I still feel like it
• If your opportunties were taken away, how would you feel?
  if they were ALL gone, I feel like I'd go batsh*t insane. Like, strapped to a bed and sedated insane

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[treasure]

If your opportunties were taken away, how would you feel?
if they were ALL gone, I feel like I'd go batsh*t insane.

just a random thing, but your answer makes it sound like si is your only way of coping that you really trust, that without si to cope you wouldn't cope at all. is that realistic? if it is, maybe you need to work on trust, and finding out the other coping skills that work for you. just one example - but if you couldn't si and had no opportunities to do so *and* were ip, does that mean you go straight to not coping, needing to be sedated for your own safety? i think you are more durable and strong than you think - you could cope if si opportunities were all taken away and you have in the past.