before

[lilabean]

It's midnight, need to sleep so I can get up at 7am for work, but cannot fall asleep... struggling with strong urges to si, not even sure which came first.

how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?
I will feel more relief, calm, and be able to sleep (or so I tell myself)

what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?
will bring shame, guilt and frustration but not until tomorrow morning usually. Tonight it would take away my psychological pain and suffering, offer a distraction, provide relief, an escape.

how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?
in the long run, I don't want to feel guilty, like /i have to lie or keep secrets from my family. SI would would take me farther from my goals.

what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then?
I could try deep breathing, listening to music, both while trying to fall asleep... or I could watch tv to distract myself, then maybe I wont be as focused on my misery and the urge could lessen or I may not be as focused on it...

how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?
Guilty, ashamed, angry, frustrated, hopeless. If I do the other thing, may not feel necessarily "better" but probably not as bad as I would if I si

what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now? Just go for a drive, instead of forcing myself to sleep when I'm not tired just because I have to get up for work in the morning. Not sure...