PTSD Question -SA-

[fragmentedxdream]

I was raped multiple times between the last two and three years of my life and then i was finally able to get out the the situation almost exactly two years ago. I had really bad flashbacks and nightmares along with panic attacks and high anxiety for a couple months after leaving that person then everything basically stopped. But now I'm starting to experience all those same things again just recently with no real reason. Is that normal for me to be experiencing these symptoms again? I just need to know so I can at least keep some of my sanity through all this.

[Licentia Poetica]

I would say that yes, it is something a lot of ptsd sufferers experience. I don't have ptsd per say, but I often have freak outs related to my SA experience, even in completely loving situations with my boyfriend.

Do you have someone to talk to about this? A counsellor or a therapist? Flashbacks can be pretty traumatic in themselves.

Another point - be aware of new relationships you are forming. I've seen it a lot of times where friends of mine (myself included) go from one abusive relationship into another one. But that doesn't mean you should be afraid of new relationships There are very many loving people out there once you let yourself be loved (which isn't easy).

[fragmentedxdream]

I really don't have anyone I can actually talk to about it anymore. I have had a boyfriend since I got out of that relationship and it is a healthy relationship which I am thankful for. He's tries his hardest to understand and take care of me but I can tell I'm hurting him by bringing up the past like that so it's hard to do so. I feel pretty alone in this now but I'm working on opening up to a friend of mine who understands a bit since she has ptsd as well. I'm hoping that will help some.

[Licentia Poetica]

I'm glad you're starting to reach out to people. I know how scary it was when I first started doing that. I think you might need to entertain the possibility of talking to a professional one day in the future. It seems scary but it does get easier. What happened to you was not your fault, and if you don't get the proper emotional care, you may be dealing with it for a lot longer

I'm glad you're in a caring relationship. That makes a huge difference. Sometimes it's hard for my boyfriend to understand me too, and he's studying psychology! I mean, how much can you really "get" something when it's never happened to you? As long as he can listen and comfort you, it's a good thing. I've found that my boyfriend has gotten better over time - he's learnt the things he needs to say to calm me down, and how much reassurance I need, and that sort of stuff. The trick is to just be open and honest, well, it was for me.

With your friend - there's some stuff about coming out on secret shame you may like to read, it's under the section "Living w/SI". It's got some useful info about reaching out, even if it's not specifically about SI.

And you always have BUS, and we do understand.

[capricorn]

I'm someone on the "other side" as it were, my gf has some similar problems ... and yes it's hard to understand, and it does hurt to talk about -- but it's not like bringing up the past in itself is hurting him. It's more that it's hard to see someone you love in such pain. I'm sure he wants very much to be there for you in this

Good luck with your healing. I'm so sorry you had these awful experiences ... Take gentle care.

[fragmentedxdream]

Thank you for the love and support. I don't feel so insane anymore knowing that I have people who are willing to listen and that what I'm going through isn't uncommon.

[secret_writer]

My close friend has had a very similar situation happen. Did you have any stressing things happen before your flashbacks and other symptoms started pressing in again? My friend had just moved houses and it made her symptoms get worse. She also tends to have worse flashbacks, nightmares, etc around the months the abuse occured. Maybe it's similar for you.
I know it's not much help, but here's a hug.
I know what flashbacks and panic attacks are like, and they really suck. I really hope you can find someone to really talk to, maybe look for an abuse hotline in your area to just be able to call in a bad time? Or to talk through some things?

If you ever need someone to rant to, you can always PM me. I hope things get better for you, fragmentedxdream!