Failed Attempts to Reach Out

[disastercake]

It seems as though every time I have tried to talk to my problems (not just SI) with people lately, they either minimize them and brush them off or barely acknowledge them then immediately talk about their problems. Talking about my problems and opening up at all are a big deal to me and take a lot of effort to face the fear, and I feel like my efforts are in vain lately. I don't know if I don't make it clear enough how significant the problems are to me, don't approach the issue correctly, have bad timing, or if I am just trying to talk to the wrong people. It's new for me to reach out to people for support. I wish I could just deal with everything on my own, internally, but I have reached a point where, without reaching out, I will either fall apart or go numb again, but this time completely and forever.

[Licentia Poetica]

This has been a problem for me too. About 6 months ago I wrote an email to about 10 of my closest friends and told them about my pain disorder diagnosis and exactly what I needed from them like reassurance and constant invitations no matter how many times I decline, and to keep asking me how I am in case one day I'll be brave enough to not just say fine.

And okay some helped a bit, but others didn't. And it's so easy to feel rejected and think they don't care or they aren't very good friends or something.

But honestly the realities of illnesses as serious as ours mean that people who haven't gone through just don't get it. There's no way they can understand to a full extent what you need. The reasons they brush things off or pull away are simply because they don't know how to help, and that makes them afraid of saying or doing the wrong thing. Either that, or they are simply very busy with their own lives, and that's not to say that they don't care, but maybe sometimes our problems are too much energy to even understand for them.

It is possible you're not being direct enough. Sometimes you axtually do need to say hey, I'm struggling, I need x, y, z from YOU. And yeah, some people are going to be better at responding and helping and listening than others, so it is a matter of reaching out to several people before you realise who can and can't deal with this stuff. Also remember that to a certain degree your friends can help you - with moral support, jobs, feeling alone, relationships, and that sort of stuff. But it is a lot to ask for their help about detailed things like SI, or suicidal thoughts, or psychosis, medication or dissociation and stuff because you will just overwhelm them and they're not qualified to handle things like that. There are some things you really need a professional to help you with, but of course some friends are more likely to be able to handle stuff than others, especially people (like on BUS) who've been through it themselves.

Reaching out is hard, but it is a thing that gets easier. Looking back I don't totally understand what I was so afraid of, but I was - terrified. It was worth it though.

[disastercake]

It's nice to hear from someone who was afraid but did it anyways. I'll try being more specific and telling them what I need. I've tried to reach out for problems that have nothing to do with SI or anything that serious with the same response.