Too Numb to Cry

[disastercake]

I find myself going back to the emotional state I was in years ago when I was actively struggling with SI, which was rather numb. These days, though, I am more aware of it and I want to do something about it but I'm not sure what. I laugh and have fun, and I feel a ton of compassion/empathy for other people. The problem is sadness. I feel sad, and I tell myself it's okay to cry, but I can't.

[disastercake]

I've tried reading sad stories, thinking of sad things, watching sad movies, and seeing other people cry used to make me cry sometimes and that hasn't worked either (not that I just went around asking people to cry, lol).

[Licentia Poetica]

I sometimes physically force myself to cry - onions, or staring without blinking. I don't know how to cure that "dead" feeling though. I think Elizabeth Wurtzel explained it well in Prozac Nation - that the pain experienced during depression is just a cover up, and the truly depressed are the living, waking, walking dead. Have you spoken to your/ a doc? Sometimes meds can give you that feeling. Or rather, not being on meds you need to be on can too.

[disastercake]

That's a good idea on getting started, I'll try that next time. As far as a doc/meds, I've never been on any meds and it seems feeling numb is a phase I go through every once in a while. This time isn't as worse as when I was actively SIing about 5 years ago, but it bothers me more now because I am more aware of it.

[Licentia Poetica]

Hrm, well, it sucks a lot and it is an awful way to be feeling, but feelings can't hurt you. If you find it isn't going away this time, or it disturbs your life then it might be worth doing something about it. But in the meantime, yeah - try the onions

[desperateforgrace]

I have the same problem. Right now, I feel like I'm about to cry but am afraid to because of the reactions I may get (you know, those looks and stares, and what the heck is wrong with you looks?). I would try to listen to the saddest songs you know and try to be emotionally involved in the songs. If that doesn't work, I would try talking to a trusted friend or psychologist/therapist about how you are feeling and why.