Before

[rayoflight]

Before You Self-Harm
write down the shadow that's hiding behind the urge. look at it. ask yourself:

how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?
Won't change a damn thing, except i'll have the 'company' of my cuts

what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?
It will bring a temporary sense of power and relief, in the long run, I'll be ruminating and cutting, not wanting to talk to anyone even more.

how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?
In the long runI want to stop thinking about cutting all the time and just deal with the problems, but so many years have gone by and there are always plenty of problems to trigger the urge. I'm getting depressed. Cutting will take me further away from what I want, which is walking, art, great parenting, school, job ect...

if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?
Thats always the problem, it opens a door that is so very difficult to shut for me. I feel 'permission' then there is no end or it takes IP which I can't do right now do to personal reasons.

what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then?
Walk, keep writing, keep waiting, try to make a positive change even if it feels stupid

how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?
I will feel awesome, I will want to look at it and do more.
If I don't I will be just as depressed and ruminating like right now, and forever.

what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?
To deal with the depression. To find a way to not feel so completely defeated in life.

urges aren't necessarily the enemy. they happen for reasons, and they're an expression of a desire to stay alive and stay sane and keep coping. remember that.