Before

[Butterfly.]

• Why do I feel I need to hurt myself? What has brought me to this point?
  Yesterday was hard, it's brought up a lot of unwanted feelings, thoughts and memories. I don't feel I can cope with everything I'm feeling and thinking.
• Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it? How did I feel then?
  Never been here before exactly. I've dealt with overwhelming feelings before, but not this powerful and then add the memories and thoughts...
• What I have done to ease this discomfort so far? What else can I do that won't hurt me?
  Playing games on bus, listening to music, coloured my hair, I've tried to text a friend but couldn't send it, used my elastic band, tried reading, browsing the net, I slept last night, avoiding eating
• How do I feel right now?
  Overwhelmed, scared, rejected/forgotten, shaky, pathetic, worthless, my head is full and noisy
• How will I feel when I am hurting myself?
  Some peace, more relaxed, usually will help quieten the noise in my head,
• How will I feel after hurting myself? How will I feel tomorrow morning?
  Relief, some guilt, possibly stupid
• Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future?
  I can't avoid my sessions with my T. And I can't avoid being 'rejected'.
• Do I need to hurt myself?
  I don't know. I'm so confused. I want to but I also don't.