Before

[lilabean]

[*]how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?
It would provide a release that would flush away these intense emotions, the pain

[*]if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?
I know it will onl last for the rest of the day or maybe even a bit into tomorrow but the pain will come back, because it never really goes away

[*]what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then?
I have tried reaching out to friends but everyone is at work or has their own lives to live and I ahven;t been able to get ahold of anyone and none of my coping skills (knitting, journaling, etc.) seem to be enough to get me through this right now

[*]what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?[/list]
I want the safety and comfort of the residential place I was in, where there was always someone to talk to and get support, I want to not feel so lonely


[*]Why do I feel I need to hurt myself? What has brought me to this point?
My emotions are so overwhelming, I cant stop crying, I am a wreck and I feel like it's the only way I'll be able to calm down

[*]Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it? How did I feel then?
the last time I felt this way, hurt this much, I attempted suicide, but I swore that would never be an option again, so I am stuck with this

[*]What I have done to ease this discomfort so far? What else can I do that won't hurt me?
I called a friend and she helped to calm me but it only lasted for a little while, it has past and I am unglued again

[*]How do I feel right now?
I feel completely and utterly hopeless, I want to stop SI, it's ruining my life, but it's become like an addiction. And while I know it's still a choice, it feels like a compulsion, I just can't stop and I don't know where to go or how to get the help I need

[*]How will I feel when I am hurting myself?
there would be a rush of calm, a release, like all of the pain would just uncoil and fall away

[*]How will I feel after hurting myself? How will I feel tomorrow morning?
For a little while I will feel good, just from the release and comfort I will get. Tomorrow morning I will be upset with myself for giving in, but I will try to make up excuses, like "I had to do it" as if I didn't have a choice, but ultimately I do