*tries to think of what to write and cries instead*
i hated christmas with my parents, and i haven't had a family xmas for 5 years or so now. i have sometimes spent it with friends and sometimes alone. it's not that hard to just grit my teeth and distract myself.
new years is worse though. it feels like an expectation. i am "supposed" to be positive, hopeful, looking forward to a new year. i am "supposed" to have caring friends and family around. there is no one, but i don't think i could stand to be with other people anyway.
it feels like there is a while year to face at once. a year of depression, anxiety and general crap. a year of failure and hating myself and being alone.
it's really difficult to change that image. i think sometimes it's easier than i expected and sometimes harder. to cope, i might try and face one day at a time instead of the whole year. i pretend there is nothing except today and i will just get through today. then i try it again the next day. sometimes getting through the day means sleeping a lot or using negative coping things, but i at least got through it.
um, that was a long ramble

i have the internet this year and i didn't last year. i should be able to spend time on bus as well.