what's your anti-si?

[sine nomine]

i was thinking about all the people who are getting their self-harm under control or stopped, and i realized it would be excellent to have an item where they could share what kinds of coping things they do instead of the si -- sort of like those "my anti-drug is..." commercials.

anyone?

love,
deb

[amethyst]

okay... first I've gotta say that I *love this question* and can't wait to hear what other people are gonna write-- new 'safe tools' are always sooo excellent!

Well, lets see... I've managed to stop twice for about 6 months and then for shorter times as well. Currently I'm down from more than once a day when I started posting to only a handful of times in the last 6 weeks.

I should prolly say here that my SI fluctuates *a lot*.Most of the time the urges are there and they're pretty strong, but I've also been known to go a few weeks without getting an urge to SI when things are overall going pretty well.

okay, here are the things that have been working really well for me recently:

- go out for a walk
-play with the cat
-post here asking for hugs & support.
- write in my journal.
-Look at my scars (this may sound weird, but I have quite a few that I *really* regret, and it's a powerful deterrent.)
-clean the house.
-cook
-bake (*fun even when the cookies turn out too salty to eat* )
-listen to *REALLY LOUD MUSIC*
- read
-play freecell (I don't do this if I'm dissociating badly as it makes me feel even less real... something about the way my eyes unfocus when I'm staring at a computer screen...)
-holding a piece of unploished amethyst (or any other type of Quartz) is really grounding. I can feel the edges, press them into my skin and feel the distinct barrier between myself and something else. It's really safe because it's not something that can hurt me and it's not something that I would want to try to use to hurt myslef with.
-go out and buy flowers for the house.
-try to come up with other distractions that might work and then try them (note:I always have a backup distraction)
- Did I mention playing *REALLY LOUD MUSIC???*

There are also 2 distractions I save for when I'm really not okay and feel like I could really do some bad damage if I were to hurt myself. The trick is for me to remember to actually use them instead of heading for the razor.

- I have an emergency box. I created one after Cath's post a while back about them & I'm so thankful to her for posting about them. Mine is just a tupperware box that is filled with caryons/markers/glitter glue/ and various other art supplies. clear wax crayons are my favorite because you can create a drawing and then paint over it with watercolours and watch it pop out at once from where there had been a blank page. It also has playdough and other things that will keep my hands distracted-- they can't hold a razor if they're holding something else. Hey, I've never thought of it before, but I think I'll look into fingerpaint... it seems like it would be fun... Also, I have alot of different textures so that if I'm feeling really unreal I can feel them and they bring back a sense of realness... things that are grounding... stones, ect... feathers are also nice... I have on old branch of a tree from when I was in college that dried out quite nicely... I like that too...

-SESAME STREET VIDEOS!!! hey, don't laugh! they've literally saved my life before! My one complaint: most of them are only 1/2 an hour long & I usually need to be distracted longer than that... My solution: I am now the proud owner of about 12 different Sesame Street videos! The 25th annerversery edition (IMO) is the most excellent one... It's got one of my favorite Ernie and Burt moments on it: "ernie, the sheep are dancing... Why me?!?!?!"... yes, well, it's a great distraction... it never fails to get me all happy and bouncy....

There are 2 other things I do that are *most important to keeping myself safe*:

-First, I try to follow the 24 hour rule for myself... (thanks Prox for introducing this thought to me... *hugs hugs to you*) It basically goes like this: I know I can make it through 24 hours w/o hurting myself. Since I know this and I want to SI *right now*, I'm gonna make a deal with myself... If I still am feeling this horrible and urgy in 24 hours, i give myself permission to cut. It works for me as long as I remember that I've made that deal, that's the hard part... it works because 24 hours later I've gone through so many cycles of being triggered and talking myself down from that place that I can look at it and say well, I got through today pretty okay and then if I need to, I make the same deal with myself for tomorrow...

The other thing I do is try to keep away from sharp objects. If I'm really determined to stop (like now...) I'll throw away all of my 'tools' (which I just did the other day.. yay!). This really limits what I'll do because I'm *very* picky when it comes to what I use & what I use (not the basic tool, but the specific type/brand) is something that's illegal to sell in NYC (or at least that's what the hardware stores tell me). I don't have a car and I have to drive out to New Jersey or go north on this side of the hudson until I'm out of the city in order to replace it... so getting rid of things keeps me relativly safe. I've only ever thrown out my 'tools' a few times and 2 of those times were when I decided to stop for the long periods of time... the others have been when I wasn't quite sure that I wanted to stop and throwing them out under those circumstances actually triggered me more... so, if I'm not feeling safe enough to throw them out, I keep them in a 'safe' envalope.

There is an envalope that my first T made for me. It's thick paper and stapled togeather to hold my razor and she had me write a note to myself on it. I wrote: STOP: I promise myself that before I cut I will stop to think about why I want to do this. Are there other things I could be doing right now instead???

She wrote "remember to breathe. Remember to take time to stop and evaluate the situation. Remember your goals. Come and find me if you need to talk, okay?" (ummm, just to clarify.... the "come and find me bit was because she was worked at the college I went to and I actually worked in one of the offices run by the counseling center, so I usually saw her a few times a day...)

okay, well that's it, really... I hope someone finds some part of that helpful...

*try to stay safe everyone*

love,
amanda

[Nik]

That is such a great idea! An emergency box... i *gotta* look into making myself one. Thanks for sharing that. =)

Hmm... my anti-SI...

Music music music music music (and yes, loud).
Um, i rock when i'm upset, which helps deter me from SI (it's comforting and whatnot)
Walking/Running
Sticking hands in cold water (it snaps me back to reality sometimes)
Talking to people
Reading
Making little goals - like if it's 10:30, i'll say, i'm not going to SI before 11:00. Then as 11 draws near, i'll push it back to 11:30. Or whatever.
Sleep sometimes (i'm probably at my worst at night, and sometimes if i can trick myself into going to bed, it really helps)
Playing video games
Drawing (though i have a hard time concentrating enough to draw when i'm upset)

... that's all i can think of right now.

[Stellaria]

Ehm, really loud music While I was in hospital some weeks ago, my b/f got me a tiny portable MD player - is that a life saver!!! If I have no music available, I run songs in my head.

Talking to people! If I can at all bring myself to talk to people, that's my no 1 workable anti-si.

Coming to this board or writing to people, especially if I can put some of my difficult thoughts and feelings into words.

Take walks sometimes works, though sometimes that seems to space me out worse.

Hot showers (I never si in the shower so for me that's safe)

Back rubs from my b/f (since I'm lucky enough to have one. If I'm too upset, then I may feel like I'm too horrible to be touched. But if I ask him for it before I have become all that upset, it's very soothing)

Chew strong-tasting things like mints, pepper, fresh ginger. I keep sugar-free mints by my bed since urges are usually worse at night.

Keep my hands busy with jigsaw puzzles, computer games

Doodling nonsense with a thin-pointed pen that gives a "scratchy" feeling against the paper

These are the things I can think of right now.

Nina

[Tamrick]

I go for a walk - the longer the better.

Get on this message board

Write in a journal - I now have about 18 volumes over the space of a year - they've been a life saver.

Give myself time - usually only 15 - 30 minutes. If I still want to cut then I can, but by then I've usually calmed down and thought about it a bit and realised I don't really have to do it.

Write poetry or paint

Talk to friends - I search them out - this means I walk to them and the walking helps too.

If I get really angry this is the hardest to control so I wear an elastic band on my wrist and flick it when things are bad - yeah it hurts and leaves marks, but not for long and its not half as bad as cutting.

Phone my therapist - this I leave for only the most desperate times. I promised him I'd phone him before I cut myself and so far I've stuck to it. It doesn't always help, but usually it does.

Get out, go anywhere - a coffee shop, the movies, even just another room can help - I always want to cut myself in my bedroom.

I like the emergency box idea. I have a similar sort of thing, but not so well organised.

[__TX__]

amethyst


oh man.. that was a freeking GREAT post!! not that i needed it, but man...


also... you people thinki i'm kidding... but drumming can release SO much..

it just takes time to get used to it.

d=-)

[HyperbolicJester]

I do a lot of the things that have already been mentioned. However, my fav's are as follows:

1) sing. I'm a singer, I love to sing, but I think it'd be a good release even if I couldn't carry a pitch. There's just something incredibly emotionally releasing about creating music

2) play guitar. It keeps my fingers occupied. Plus, it gets the same general satisfaction as singing

3)compose. Again, with the tapping of the creativity. Oh, and I'm of the opinion that ANYONE can compose. Even if it's two rocks beating against the floor to no set rhythm, if there's emotion and thought behind it, then it's music. I tend to compose classical, but that's just because I'm trained

4)write poetry. An age old solution, but it's nice in the middle of the night when there's no one to call and talk to

5) go for a walk or run...either gets me out and doing stuff. Running gets my blood pumping and I lose all track of everything.

6) draw and sketch. good release

7)read.

playdough is a happy thing

9) call a friend. I put this one last because, though i'll do it if it's during the day, most of my worst urges are at night. So, consequently I don't end up taking this option much.

So, yeah, these are my safety measures. rock on. Take care, everyone.
Pax,
Beth

[enna]

yeah, drumming DEFINATLEY helps me... listeing to good music & playing along with the drum part is great!

listening to music on my headphones (turned up full blast of course). there are three songs by AMEN that are guarrenteed to make me feel better - Here's The Poison, Private and Whores Of Hollywood.

i have a letter sent to me from a pen friend which always makes me feel good, so i read that if i can find it.

making tapes!!! i love making tapes for my little step bro, and its really distracting.

cleaning my room. my room is always a complete tip, so tidying it takes ages and can really help.

reading. usually i can't concentration to read a full scale novel so i'll read a bit of anarchist literature, a zine or magazine, a letter from one of my pen friends, or some of the leaflets i got sent or got given at the mayday carnival this year.

there are some really good suggestions here... i think i'll put together an emergency box!!! and that 24hr game sounds really helpful too...

love, suzanne

[amethyst]

okay,

I can't beleive I forgot these 2, because they're the 2 that help keep me going once it's been a while.

- instead of SIing, I do something nice for the part of me that would have hurt. If I have bad scars there already, then I put vitamine e oil on them... if scars are not a concern, I'll usually put a nice smelling lotion on. This is great because #1-- I wouldn't SI where I've just used something like lotion, so I'd have to go to a different place and usually that doesn't help-- only going for the place I want to go for at that particular time will help. #2 I'm sending a clear message to myself that I'm choosing to take care of me instead of hurting me.

*small trig space just in case...
*
*
*
*

the second thing I do that really works when I can get away with it is wear short sleeves and (if possible) shorts. I get *really* over heated during the summer if I'm in long sleeves and long pants, so wearing a t-shirt reminds me how good it feels to be able to just be comfortable. It doesn't matter what time of year it is either, it's just being able to wear the t-shirt that reinforces my want not to SI. The same thing goes for shorts, though I'll only ever wear those on the weekends when I'm out running errands and pretty much know that I won't see family or co-workers. so, when I've been able to stay away from my arms or legs for about a month and a half and I've been using vit. e oil twice a day, I'm usually comfortable wearing short sleeves or shorts. Yes, my scars are quite visable & it's way too obvious that there is *no way* they are there accidentally, but at that point they blend in with all of the others and it can just look like 'stuff from a long time ago'. Also, the past few months I've been playing around with cover-up makeup... the jury's still out on this one... it works real well, but I'm not quite patient enough to put it on everyday and what's the point of covering up scars one day and not the next?

okay, just thought I'd add 2 of my longer term 'anti-SI' tactics.

[ben]

i really really can't believe i missed this until today...

So..
hope this might be useful somehow

Writing things down. i don't keep a diary or a journal...i'm really not organised enough that i could fill one in with any amount of consistency or regularity, but, if i'm feeling really really bad, i sometimes write down everything that i can think of that's causing me to feel that way, all the things that i'm feeling but that may not really be true (remember the difference between Facts and Feelings) on a pc, and then i save it and close it. Later on, i'll wonder where the heck that file came from, and i'll remember, and i'll delete it...and get rid of it.

Music, listening to, wailing tunelessly to(well i do), and creating....
Got quite a selection of cds now, and finally thanks to somebody who was throwing an old one out - i have something to listen to my cds at home with without running up a huuge battery bill. Yay!, loud music can be great, and there are soooooo many things out there to listen to... and humalongwith

But, making sounds is really really reallly supergreat. You don't need an instrument if you haven't got access to one - you can make lovely sounds with a comb and some paper...long cardboard tubes are good...

Beth said:-
"ANYONE can compose. Even if it's two rocks beating against the floor to no set rhythm, if there's emotion and thought behind it, then it's music"
And she's absolutely spot on right. Anybody can make music.
and making music is a great way of getting things *out* of your system...you can vent, you can express, and afterwards it really does feel better...last night i was playing a pair of glasses/tumblers and a tin pencil case with a biro

This fits in with drawing/doodling/scribbling (use definition of your choice) as well - if you draw, then draw,
because you can draw the emotions and the feelings out of your head and onto paper...if it comes out and you like it - you're being an artist - you have created art!
and if you're not satisfied with it keep trying, don't give up

Come here and revel at the array of cool smilies (there seem to be more every day)

and how many kind and compassionate people there are here.

Try and keep track of the good things that people say to you - still takes me a while to accept them, but just being able to remember that there are real people who do actually care helps so much i can't think of an appropriet adjective just now.

Read. Books are great, though you need to be careful of triggery stuff, depends on your tastes in literature....BTW Garfield IS literature
Fiction, reference, cartoons comics - pick something up and read....
read in the bath!!

Nik makes reference to "small goals" --------->absolutely, works for me too!

Amethyst mentions Prox's '24hour game' (tm?) a variation on the 'five minute game' on Deb's main site - i really cannot emphasise how useful these things are...

And, i try to make sure that i don't drink too much
or alcohol, try to balance my diet, try to spend my time when i'm delicate with people i know care, or understand, or who i know will help support me... and really really really,

Be as gentle to yourself as possible
Please, if i can keep going, and keep dealing with urges, anyone can - you just need to find something that helps you


Peace
ben

[riot-grrrl]

wow great great forum and great ideas...i'm gonna do a emergency box tonight. People might have mentioned some of this before but here's what i do:
Play solitaire on my computer (totally "empties" your mind...just red-black-red-black...
Take ot the enger, frustration etc on a piece of paper instead of myself...write down the things I'm angry at, like really hard.
Watch bad sitcoms or soaps (doesn't always work though).
Paint, draw, make collages...that kind of thing.
Hold my head against something cold, like the kitchen or bathroomsink, to cool myself down.
dance like silly to loud music, or not so loud music because of my neighbours.
Look at a postcard my best friends made, telling me how special i am and how loved i really am...ahhh i love my friends

take care of yourselves and thanks for the inspiration
magda

[cyclops]

i have a tennis ball. if i get really angry i peg it at a wall. it also keeps my hands busy and stuff

[girl interrupted]

Well, I usually write, it keeps my hands busy, and releases alot of the emotions I am feeling at the time.

Great question

Melanie

[Ems]

A few of you mentioned Vit.E oil- Am I just being dumb or does this help with scars etc?.
Thanks.
Ems.

[Chimera]

My anti-si would have to be....words.

Words that I speak to a friend about how I'm really doing right then.

Words that someone else speaks to me when they are struggling. Helping/listening to others makes me feel like I am worth something, and helps me not want to SI.

Words that I sing/scream/yell to music.

Words that someone else has written. Reading lyrics and poetry helps me to not feel so isolated in my pain.

[mittens]

Okay, I just found this, but I really have to post on here so here are some of my favorites(yes, some are already mentioned above) they each get a different smiley:
I like to open a word processing document and just type, sometimes all it will be is random letters, sometimes actual words, then I like to print it off and rip it up
Pull out a kiddy joke book and just laugh at how I know the jokes would have made me laugh 10 years ago
Get wet, walk in the rain, take a shower, fill the bathtub with just enough water to go "wading"
Find anything positive in the last 48 hours and concentrate on it, anything from having a cute boy smile at me to buying new nail polish
Pick one part of me that I don't SI on...my teeth or face generally and beautify it, being as anal as possible
Think about the last time someone did something REALLY nice for me..it doesn't matter how long ago, I just concentrate on how nice it was
EAT!!!
Call friends they help me through

[scout]

this is a good thread!

here are some of mine:

journaling (hey you know those 8 questions on the secret shame homepage? i printed them and taped them into my journal and i make myself answer them when things get really bad, too)

writing an email or calling my friend

shooting basketball

reading

turning up some music really loud and singing and dancing to it (but i'll only do this if home alone which is almost never)

coming here and replying to people's posts


hey, question:
i tried drawing on where i want to cut w/ marker and pen a couple of really hard nights. it kept me from cutting but it got on my clothes!!! so i stopped doing that. any ideas? has anyone else tried this?

[sassy koala]

I agree withthe drumming part. Feels good to beat the hell out of something, even if it is only your carpet or a pillow or whatever.
I also:
Clean (some days my house shines)
Throw pillows around
go online
bite my nails (probably not a good one)
read
snuggle with my honey
I was coloring for a while there, but lost my stuff when I moved....have to find it again
sleep
put on some goofy music and jump around the house (this I only do when I am alone!)
drive drive drive
Sometimes I eat, but try not to if it is just to comfort myself
Sometimes I put on makeup (the horror!) and go out. If you look all good and sexy, you will feel all good and sexy.
I usually ignore the phone if the Caler Id says it's my mom or a family member. Rarely can they have a nice convo. Usually they call when something bad is happening, or if they want to pick me apart.
That's all!

[sine nomine]

i tried drawing on where i want to cut w/ marker and pen a couple of really hard nights. it kept me from cutting but it got on my clothes!!! so i stopped doing that. any ideas? has anyone else tried this?

lip liner or lipstick might work. red food coloring would be kinda messy. a ball-point pen would be less likely to rub off...

[Chimera]

A non-washable marker or ball point pen might work better. You have to scrub a little with soap, but I haven't had trouble with tranference onto my clothes. I also wash it off after the urge passes, so it isn't on my body for a long time.

Jessica