Secrets and more (please stay safe)

Licentia Poetica · Post by **Licentia Poetica** » Mon May 14, 2007 2:41 pm

The other mods and I have been discussing the relevance of the other secrets thread to coping. The fact is it doesn't help anyone to post about secrets and not explore them, and it doesn't help anyone else to read it. It can be very carthartic to release a secret, but sometimes we need to look at it a little further. Many thanks to VowsOfSadness for coming up with the original idea.

Let's start a new kind of thread along the lines of the B&A forum.

Here are some starting questions. (you don't have to answer them all, but please attempt to make posting here a positive and productive experience).

Edit: Due to the existance now of the other secrets thread, to post here, you have to try answering *some* of the questions.

We're trying to learn new ways of coping. Think about what that means to you.

What is your secret?

Why is it a secret?

What are your feelings about this secret?

Why are you telling this secret now?

Is this something you could change/ do differently tomorrow to make your life better?

Could you challenge yourself to open up to someone about it?

Do you think you are alone in having this secret?

What would you say to someone else with this secret?

Code: Select all

tags to copy/paste:

[b]What is your secret?[/b]

[b]Why is it a secret? [/b]

[b]What are your feelings about this secret?[/b] 

[b]Why are you telling this secret now?[/b] 

[b]Is this something you could change/ do differently tomorrow to make your life better?[/b]

[b]Could you challenge yourself to open up to someone about it?[/b]

[b]Do you think you are alone in having this secret?[/b]

[b]What would you say to someone else with this secret?[/b]

Post by **Milvus** » Mon May 14, 2007 7:37 pm

well...every thread has to start somewhere...

What is your secret?

When it comes to girls, I trap myself into a negative cycle of rejection, from fear of being rejected.

Why is it a secret?

Because I don't like to admit to myself, let alone anyone else, that I am inadequate. Also, if I admit to it in public, I have to take responsibility for myself.

What are your feelings about this secret?

Right now, I feel really really stupid that I can't do what all organisms are born to do, and form a relationship with a girl, solely because of my own fear.

Why are you telling this secret now?

because it is reaching a point where it is the last big sticking point in me being able to live as a normal person.

Is this something you could change/ do differently tomorrow to make your life better?

I could tell Ellie of my feelings for her and hope she doesn't reject me.

Could you challenge yourself to open up to someone about it?

I could, but more than likley won't. Because I think that if I admit to someone that things are wrong with me, they will reject me.

Do you think you are alone in having this secret?

almost certainly not.

What would you say to someone else with this secret?

I would tell them to talk to the girl about it. but I am notoriously bad at following my own advice, and keep making excuses why I can't.

half/hearted · Post by **half/hearted** » Mon May 14, 2007 8:30 pm

*I wasn't sure if this required trigs. I did not include details but some of the emotions might be triggering to some people.*

*

What is your secret? I don't want to stop.

Why is it a secret? If my therapist or parents knew I didn't want to stop, they wouldn't trust me, they wouldn't let me stay home alone, and they would make me go back to weekly therapy. While that might make me safer, I think the negative repercussions of being smothered in supervision might be worse.

What are your feelings about this secret? I'm angry that I have to keep it a secret. I'm ashamed that I am so attached to a behavior that seems to be so abhorred in the rest of society. I'm scared because I know that if this doesn't change, there could be serious consequences. I'm also scared by my own ability to keep such a secret.

Why are you telling this secret now? I want to understand why I feel this way.

Is this something you could change/ do differently tomorrow to make your life better? Find healthy, acceptable behaviors that would be as effective or more effective as SI so that I would be able to let go of SI.

Could you challenge yourself to open up to someone about it? Other than people on bus? no. I don't even want to open up to my one close friend because she lost two friends to SI/suicide and I don't want to scare her.

Do you think you are alone in having this secret? no.

What would you say to someone else with this secret? it's okay. I think that like me, you probably realize that continuing SI is not a logical or healthy option, but sometimes it feels like the <b>only</b> option when you don't have healthy coping alternatives.

PMs are fine.
mods, please let me know if this is unacceptable. I know it is a negative secret but I think I explored it positively.

*

*end possible trigs*

punkangel · Post by **punkangel** » Mon May 14, 2007 11:10 pm

What is your secret?
I want to cut deeper
Why is it a secret?
because if people would found out they would think i was more of a freak than i already am
What are your feelings about this secret?
i shouldnt feel like this but i do
Why are you telling this secret now?
it just seemed like the right time
Is this something you could change/ do differently tomorrow to make your life better?
stay away from sharps
Could you challenge yourself to open up to someone about it?
yes i think i could
Do you think you are alone in having this secret?
no
What would you say to someone else with this secret?
try to distract yourself....thats what i do anyways

cant-take-it · Post by **cant-take-it** » Mon May 14, 2007 11:14 pm

What is your secret?

i want people to find out i cut. i want people to care.

Why is it a secret?

because when i say it or acknowledge it i feel sick and selfish.

What are your feelings about this secret?

i dont want my cutting to be a secret anymore but i cant find the words to tell someone.

Why are you telling this secret now?

because im trying to build the confidnece to tell someone.

Is this something you could change/ do differently tomorrow to make your life better?

i want to tell them tomorrow. ill try to make it obvious so theyll ask me and not the other way round. ok that sounds really bad, but at least im not lying about my selfishness.

Could you challenge yourself to open up to someone about it?

yes. i have millions of times before though, and it hasnt worked

Do you think you are alone in having this secret?

no, of course not. but everyones different so everyone has different ways of opening up.

What would you say to someone else with this secret?

Smeagol · Post by **Smeagol** » Tue May 15, 2007 1:22 am

What is your secret?
I'm not good enough to do this. I don't have any ideas. I don't think this way. I don't know this literature. I don't want to do this. It's not making me happy.

Why is it a secret?
Because it means I shouldn't be doing this. Because it means I failed somehow, either by not being smart enough or by diving into something I can't do. Because it means I have to quit, and that means a lot of drastic change in my life. Because I'm afraid.

Why are you telling this secret now?
Because the situation is not tolerable for me. Because I have to admit this and quit instead of trying to carry on. Because the ways I've tried to avoid saying this aren't working. I'm being put off or ignored. So admitting this is all that's left.

Could you challenge yourself to open up to someone about it?
I'm going to have to. I already have. But I have to say it as a statement and a decision to the people who are forcing me to do stuff I don't want to do, instead of telling friends that 'Doing this makes me unhappy because I feel...'

Do you think you are alone in having this secret?
Certainly not. Though probably a lot of people who have this secret are wrong. Just not me.

TheRockingHorse · Post by **TheRockingHorse** » Tue May 15, 2007 1:32 am

not sure exactly what trig to put on this.........
but a trig nonetheless
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What is your secret?
my friend ran off and had sex tonight.....and she is 13, and i know a lot more about her drinking and stuff than anyone else...and nobody knows how much i knew

Why is it a secret?
cuz i cant tell people....she is in enough trouble now

What are your feelings about this secret?
i feel guilty, because i might have been able to keep this from happening

Why are you telling this secret now?
because i feel so ashame dof myself

Is this something you could change/ do differently tomorrow to make your life better?
i could talk to her.....and tell her why i am upset that she ran away and made us all really scared

Could you challenge yourself to open up to someone about it?
no......because then people will think its my fault for not telling anyone what she has been doing
Do you think you are alone in having this secret?
nah...

What would you say to someone else with this secret?
tell someone before it is too late

Licentia Poetica · Post by **Licentia Poetica** » Tue May 15, 2007 2:49 am

*ED*

What is your secret?

My mum had a chocolate cake in the fridge and I ate a lot of it.

Why is it a secret?

Because my mum made me feel badly about doing so. And I feel guilty for eating it.

Is this something you could change/ do differently tomorrow to make your life better?

I need to keep fighting my ED thoughts. It won't make me happier or more deserving of help to be frightfully thin. It just *feels* like it would.

Do you think you are alone in having this secret?

Nope. I think lots of people feel guilty for eating certain things.

What would you say to someone else with this secret?

I would tell them that its okay. That what's done is done. That it wasn't the healthiest choice, but next time I'll try to make better ones. That there's nothing bad about indulging sometimes in moderation.

Silent_Tears · Post by **Silent_Tears** » Tue May 15, 2007 4:34 am

What is your secret?

I'm pretty sure I'm done with my marriage.

Why is it a secret?

Perhaps it's only been a secret from him and I, but I don't want to hurt him and I hate to quit on something I obviously wanted at some time.

What are your feelings about this secret?

scared. afraid. somewhat relieved.

Why are you telling this secret now?

I need to keep seeing it in print, to make it seem more real... and I wrote ex when talking about him in my place (at first and then caught it).

Is this something you could change/ do differently tomorrow to make your life better?

I could tell him so we could both move on and not keep hanging on the hope that "things will get better".

Could you challenge yourself to open up to someone about it?

I've opened up to my t about it some, and my friends some... just can't seem to admit it fully to myself... or to him.

Do you think you are alone in having this secret?

Probably not.

What would you say to someone else with this secret?

Tell him if that's really how you feel. It's not good on either of you to keep holding on to something that is broken. It WILL hurt at first, but BOTH of you can handle it and move on. And yes, if you stay amiable, the kids will be fine.

PM's/Comments fine.

Callisto · Post by **Callisto** » Tue May 15, 2007 8:22 pm

thought i'd give this a shot...as t'was me who suggested that both threads be usable.

What is your secret?
two secrets actually: 1) i emotionally overeat because i can't cut anymore
2) i feel guilty that so many of you see D in such a bad light because of my words.

Why is it a secret?
Because everyone thinks I'm fine because I've pretty much stopped cutting so it would ruin their illusion of my fine-ness if i told them i'd just replaced it with a more acceptable way of punishing myself. Because if i said it i would have to edit/delete a lot of things i've said and it would make me seem a liar.

What are your feelings about this secret?
the first one: disgust at myself, shame that i can't recover properly
the second one: embarrassement, shame, fear of saying it.

Why are you telling this secret now?
because i need to release it from just sitting inside me driving me nuts. because with one of them i don't feel its approriate to put in my place.

Is this something you could change/ do differently tomorrow to make your life better?
yes, i could find a better way to deal with my emotions than food...although that's easier said that done. as for the other one, not sure...maybe not post when i'm very emotional, be fairer and less biased?

Could you challenge yourself to open up to someone about it?
yes i could, but i know i won't....too shy

Do you think you are alone in having this secret?
probably not alone with the first one, the second one i'd say yes i am alone.

What would you say to someone else with this secret?
i'd tell them to try and think through their feelings before bingeing and to look at other coping mechanisms and to tell the second secret to the people concerned.

edited to add PM's are fine and would be helpful actually.

WorkDaySarcasm · Post by **WorkDaySarcasm** » Tue May 15, 2007 11:36 pm

not sure if triged but ill put a *sex* trig anyway

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What is your secret?

i slept with her(not just once)...and i think i do love her. and more to it...i don't to be touched by men ever again, it's not that i'm not attracted but now i'm scared almost of intimacy with guys.

Why is it a secret?

because i don't have the courage to tell anyone else. let alone admitting i'm in a homosexual relationship. also all the bad memory drag up is hard for me.

What are your feelings about this secret?

i want to tell people...but it's the whole sexuality thing. i feel people will look at me differently.

Why are you telling this secret now?

because feel i need to...especially since my feelings have deepened even more so for her. ...i don't know, it's on my mind.

Is this something you could change/ do differently tomorrow to make your life better?

...i don't know, clear my head and handle one dilemma at a time, whether it's this one or a different one.

Could you challenge yourself to open up to someone about it?

...right now i can't think who, other then this person. but i can't decide whether that's a good idea or not.

Do you think you are alone in having this secret?

*shrug*

What would you say to someone else with this secret?

...i'm really useless, i have no idea, i'm tired currently but i should think about that question more deeply.

*
trig end...if that counts as one.

i would like pms...they would help.

Helba · Post by **Helba** » Wed May 16, 2007 12:51 am

What is your secret?
I wish to not stop.
Why is it a secret?
I am afraid of what people may do.
What are your feelings about this secret?
If I try to stop I lean more towards SU, while with SI I feel more relaxed and comfortable.
Why are you telling this secret now?
I feel it's the correct time to do so.
Is this something you could change/ do differently tomorrow to make your life better?
I keep looking for more possible changes but currently this is what I've found that has helped me prolong life.
Could you challenge yourself to open up to someone about it?
I've opened up to a few people about it but most turned with very negative results so I don't see it happening again.
Do you think you are alone in having this secret?
No
What would you say to someone else with this secret?
I hope they may find a way to free themselves from the prison of needing to hurt themselves without being attacked by thoughts of SU.

ViolinPlayingGoat · Post by **ViolinPlayingGoat** » Wed May 16, 2007 10:33 pm

edit: no irl please if anyone is actually reading, which tbh i doubt cos i havent seen you around in a while

What is your secret?
i'm a little scared that the obsessiveness is just slowly shifting towards someone else rather than going away.
Why is it a secret?
because if i tell him it could ruin our friendship.
because if i admit it to myself i panic and cling onto the crazy obsessiveness i already have because that is safe and i know it, and it's not ruining anything because there is nothing to ruin.
Why are you telling this secret now?
i'm not sure. maybe to shock myself into not going down this route with another person, and remind myself it is really not a good idea.
Is this something you could change/ do differently tomorrow to make your life better?
um. not sure.
Could you challenge yourself to open up to someone about it?
yeah, maybe. but it depends who i guess. somedays i think its a good idea to tell him, but then others i think that would be damn stupid, so i guess it's good that i havent so far.
Do you think you are alone in having this secret?
no.
What would you say to someone else with this secret?
probably to get a bit of a grip on reality...only in a nicer way.
or...i dont know. tell someone, i guess.

mywildrainbow · Post by **mywildrainbow** » Fri May 18, 2007 1:14 am

*****SU, SI******

What is your secret?
i'm afraid of what i could do to myself

Why is it a secret?
because i'm too ashamed to tell anyone

What are your feelings about this secret?
scared, ashamed

Why are you telling this secret now?
i need to get things out in the open and this is a start

Is this something you could change/ do differently tomorrow to make your life better?
no, this is something that will take a lot of time to change

Could you challenge yourself to open up to someone about it?
yes, i could talk to my therapist and/or my roommate about it

Do you think you are alone in having this secret?
probably not, but it sure feels like it

VowsOfSadness · Post by **VowsOfSadness** » Fri May 18, 2007 9:53 pm

What is your secret?
I really like my bbf kate. I want to be closer to her.

Why is it a secret?
I don't know if she would feel the same way.

What are your feelings about this secret?
anxious especially since were going to prom as dates togather, like what if I'm making more out of it and weirding her out.

Why are you telling this secret now?
vent out a bit

Is this something you could change/ do differently tomorrow to make your life better?
I might approach it at prom. I dont know if it woudl make my life better or worse

Could you challenge yourself to open up to someone about it?
I have kind of opened up about it to Liz, I think she might know. I was talking about it when I was drunk. I dunno she (my friend kate) said something once when she was drunk. But now I am stuck thinking i have to be drunk to say something because it's like, they think you don't remember and you can't really be held responsible and ect. ect.

Do you think you are alone in having this secret?
well im not the only one who likes her, or has had a crush on their friend. But sometimes I get jealous like someone will take her from me

What would you say to someone else with this secret?
take it slow. make wise SOBER decisions. it will be okey

Stripe · Post by **Stripe** » Sat May 19, 2007 5:49 pm

tags to copy/paste:

What is your secret?

Why is it a secret?
I am not ready to be discharged yet.
What are your feelings about this secret?
I should have told people sooner, it is too late now.
Why are you telling this secret now?
Because I don't want not to cope with it all.
Is this something you could change/ do differently tomorrow to make your life better?
I need to accept that the discharge will happen and work with that.
Could you challenge yourself to open up to someone about it?
Not IRL - and if I did it wouldn't make a difference
Do you think you are alone in having this secret?
I don't know. I feel alone with it but maybe I am not
What would you say to someone else with this secret?
That when they were discharged they needed to tell their T and I will try and do that.

balletomane · Post by **balletomane** » Tue May 22, 2007 4:13 am

What is your secret?
I want to go to medical school, but I am afraid that my mental health problems will not allow me to do so.
Why is it a secret?
Because I am embarrassed that I even have mental health problems. I also don't want to tell anyone about this fear and have them say "yeah, don't go to med school"
What are your feelings about this secret?

Why are you telling this secret now?
I've been thinking a lot about my future and I know that med school is something I really really want. At the same time every time I take my meds, I wonder if I am really capable of handling it.
Is this something you could change/ do differently tomorrow to make your life better?
I can try to focus not on the difficulties associated with my experience of mental illness, but the ways in which it has made me stronger and more empathetic. These are qualities that will serve me well in medical school.
Could you challenge yourself to open up to someone about it?
Yes. I can tell my dad, because I know he won't try to discourage me for reaching for this goal.
Do you think you are alone in having this secret?
yes.
What would you say to someone else with this secret?
Put a little faith in your recovery.

Never Again · Post by **Never Again** » Wed May 23, 2007 12:36 am

What is your secret?

my pdoc is the only person keeping me alive right now.

Why is it a secret?

because im so utterly and completely alone.

What are your feelings about this secret?

it hurts. fuck. all the people out there, and none of them in... here. except someone that i have to pay to care.

Why are you telling this secret now?

i guess because i saw him yesterday. and am filled with fear and doubt over having to make it until a week and half from now on my own.

Is this something you could change/ do differently tomorrow to make your life better?

i dunno. im friendly with people at work and stuff. but then they go home to their families. and i go home, alone. every day it's the same. i might go out with old friends. then they go home to their families. and i go home, alone.

Could you challenge yourself to open up to someone about it?

i dont want pdoc to know things are that bad again. i definitely dont want him to know how needy i am. im petrified that he'll give up on me or leave me. he says he never will. but he'd be the first one ever that didnt. this sounds so pathetic, i hate myself so much. my god i should just stfu.

Do you think you are alone in having this secret?

yes.

What would you say to someone else with this secret?

i havent the slightest.

Scatterbrain · Post by **Scatterbrain** » Thu May 24, 2007 7:02 am

What is your secret?
I feel inferior and like I am a failure.

Why is it a secret?
I dont want anyone to know, because I dont want the thought confirmed. I dont want it refuted either because I hate it when people try to convince me about that kind of stuff...

What are your feelings about this secret?
I hate feeling inferior and it makes my urges to SI worse.

Why are you telling this secret now?
Its starting to overwhelm me and I had to get it out. Here is the only place that I can say stuff like that

Is this something you could change/ do differently tomorrow to make your life better?
I can try to stand up to my friend who is always very belittling and condescending towards me and ask her to stop talking to me like I am really stupid.

Could you challenge yourself to open up to someone about it?
I am planning to talk to one of my other friends about a couple different issues, and I may mention this feeling too.

Do you think you are alone in having this secret?
Part of me thinks so. But the realistic part says that I'm not alone and there are tons of people who also feel this way.

What would you say to someone else with this secret?
I really have no idea... If I knew, I probably wouldnt be posting this
here... (that wasnt meant as a commentary on the topic...)

~Megan

astepawayfromlife · Post by **astepawayfromlife** » Thu May 24, 2007 7:17 am

SA
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What is your secret?

HE raped me

Why is it a secret?

Because I shouldn't have been over there, had a stupid craving for a hit, couldn't pay, was to high, didn't fight enough, couldn't report afterwards because of the drugs...

What are your feelings about this secret?

numb

Why are you telling this secret now?

I don't know

Is this something you could change/ do differently tomorrow to make your life better?

No

Could you challenge yourself to open up to someone about it?

I don't know

Do you think you are alone in having this secret?

I know I'm not

What would you say to someone else with this secret?

Tell someone

bus

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