Interpersonal Effectivness is used for:
Getting what you want Maintaining Relationships Enhancing self-respectIt is the practice of of using better communication skills in rerlationships, it is never gaurenteed the skills will work each and every time.
TO GET SOMETHING YOU WANT USE DEAR MAN SKILLS
Describe (the current situation-stick to facts)
Express (your feelings with I statements "I feel/need/want")
Assert (yourself clearly by asking for what you want or saying no)
Reinforce (or reward the person by explaining positives and negitives)
Mindful (stay focused on objectives)
Appear Confident (use a confident tone with good body language)
Negotiate (be willing to give to get)
TO MAINTAIN RELATIONSHIPS USE GIVE SKILLS
Gentle (have good nonverbal signs)
Interested (listen to the other persons point of view and act interested)
Validate* (most crucial, let the other person know you acknowlege their feelings)
Easy Manner (having an easy manner makes it easier for people to communicate to you)
USE FAST SKILLS TO MAINTAIN SELF-RESPECT
Fair (be fair to yourself and the other person)
Apologies (don't be over apologetic "I'm sorry for being alive/making a request/something I have no control over" No apologies for your opinnion or disagreeing. The only time it is important to apologize is when you have done something wrong to the other person)
Stick To Your Values (Don't sell out your values or integrity for reasons that aren't important. "Stick to your guns")
Truthful (don't lie or act helpless when you aren't Don't exaggerate the situation. Don't make excuses)
A NOTE ABOUT "I" STATEMENTS:
I statements, when said seem less threatening and are therfore more likely to get a positive responce. If you can imigine your last conflict or fight you might recall being set off by some statements such as "YOU ALWAYS..." or "YOU NEVER..." and the feelings they made you feel.
So when talking to someone it is good to use I statements.
There is a traditional formula:
I feel __________, when you ___________, and I want you to _______________.
But these can also be used:
"I" statements:
I think...
I feel...
I want...
Statements of Personal Reference and Personal Meaning:
"This is the way I see it"
"In my opinion..."
"This is how I feel"
"This is what it means to me"
Statements of Request:
"I" want...
"I" need...
Statements offering compromise:
"I" would like this...
What would you like?
"I" think...What do you think?
"What would be an acceptable compromise?"
"Can we work this out--What time is agreeable to you?"
Asking for time:
"I'd like to discuss this in an hour"
Taking time to think, know what you want to be different,
thinking of compromise, etc.
AVOID demanding and blaming statements:
You make me...
You think...
You should/shouldn't...
It's your fault...
Don't you think...
If only you would...
Avoid Disguised YOU-Statements
These include sentences that begin with "I feel that you...." or "I feel like you...." Again, they immediately put the listener into a one-down position.
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