A few Days After : Comments and FeedBack Wanted

[angel2262]

I SIed On Saturday night, and again Sunday Night. It had been about 1 month since last time.




have you taken care of your physical wounds? if not, go do that now. we'll wait.

Yeah but I need to change it. It wasn't bad


what had happened just before?

I was cleaning my room and found my old knife that I uasd.. I had the sudden urge to do it it was only a cm this was sat night..

I told my friend what I did she became very mad at me and wouldn't talk to me for a long time afterwards And my squad didn't need me sat night So I had to get rid of the emotional pain the only way I knew how.


what were you thinking and feeling?

I couldn't stand her being mad at me and knowing I f*up. I thought I had to punish myself for doing and saying what I did. And I saw my knife and did it.


why did you end up hurting yourself then instead of some other time? was there an event that was the final straw? what was it?

no... I just thought there was more wrong than there actually was and I created my own pain that added to my already bad day and I just could't take it. Not only I thought that it would help but make my friend talk to me.

how did the situation get to the final straw stage? trace it back through the events that led up to the last event. look for some point at which you could have made a different decision and not arrived at the final straw.

I really don't know. I was thinking to much as usual and they were all nmegative thingsthat shouldn't have been there. Like they were stories I mad up to myself and suddenly believed about peopl ehating me and my life not good and stuff


were there outside factors like drugs, alsohol, being off your meds, lack of sleep, etc? can you address those in the future? how?

NO.... Just attention seeking I should have let things pass and talked to her and my squad before I did anything. I haven't been able to sleep wel with so many thoughts.


what other ways of coping did you try besides self-harm? how well did they work?

I tried to relax and breathe and talk to people about how I was feeling.... I tried writting and listening to music but nothing worked and seemed to make things worse.

in retrospect, are there coping methods that you now realize might have helped? what were they?

Not realy.... I tried all I had learned short of calling my therapist or the psych hotline... but fear of commitment stopped me.


name at least two things you will do to help yourself remember those coping methods if you end up in this situation again.

I'll try to have more self-Control and patience
I'll try to realize the the world will relvolve without me I'm not special to everyone.


how do you feel about the situation that led to self-harm now? is it resolved? if not, what are some steps you might take toward resolution?

I think If I really tried it could have been avoided. I just have to realize I'm the only one that can stop me.


are you likely to be in that emotional place again? how will you recognize it when you're in that situation?

Yes I reconize it and know what to do but I have a hard time putting it into action.


what will you try before you resort to self-harm if you're in that situation again? list three specific things you will commit to trying.

Just have more patience.
Try to relax more
and Avoid the situation to begin with if I wouldn't have cut the first time it woiuld never have happened.
I need to realize that it's not the end of the world when someone is mad but rather give them time to cool down talk it over and everything will be ok again.

[plantt]

"So I had to get rid of the emotional pain the only way I knew how"

"I just have to realize I'm the only one that can stop me. ......know what to do but I have a hard time putting it into action. "

those contradict each other a bit. what could you do to get your thoughts towards the latter rather than the first?


"I'll try to realize the the world will relvolve without me I'm not special to everyone"

the world does not revolve around you. as cliche as it may sound though you are special. you're the only one Just like you. even though it's true not everyone will like you or want to be around you... you're still you. you still have worth. you're still special.

"fear of commitment stopped me. "

commitment to what? for me it's often more a fear/unwillingness to disclose... knowing that quite possibly i'd end up feeling obligated to keep myself safe if they knew... etc

[angel2262]

"fear of commitment stopped me. "

commitment to what? for me it's often more a fear/unwillingness to disclose... knowing that quite possibly i'd end up feeling obligated to keep myself safe if they knew... etc

Basically if I told the wrong person I was afraid I would have to be placed back in the hospital so I took it out on myself rather than be committed

[plantt]

I took it out on myself rather than be committed
--those aren't the only two options... granted it's not always wise to tell everyone everything. nor is it wise to keep everything to oneself. like you pointed out earlier though it's true that ultimately it's up to you to keep yourself safe.

[angel2262]

HOW? Everytime I try something it seams to back fire on me. I try so hard to change my thought process and can't do you have any suggestions on how I can change it?

[plantt]

will reply in the next couple days. feel free to remind me if i forget.