Had a really stressed day yesterday and woke up this am feeling terrible about myself and wanting to SI. I started crying, just deep tearing sobs, not something I do often. I think it's good that I'm letting something out this way instead of holding it in until I SI. Our newest foundling kitty jumped up and started cleaning my stinky armpit. She stayed with me for hours, never getting bothered my the noises or wetness or anything. that really helped and then I started thinking why can't I relate to people like that?
I'd like to answer some of the questions but I don't know how to transplant them into my post and my memory's not good enough to do them without looking. I don't want to print them and leave them laying around either.
Having a really bad day
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green chameleon
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Having a really bad day
It's hard to cut when you're holding a cat.
"Where are we first and last, bound together in our past. Much too cruel, much to fast, much too quick to anger. Traps laid bare in my face set to keep me in my place, say goodbye to the child, life it seems is colder." The Chameleons
"Where are we first and last, bound together in our past. Much too cruel, much to fast, much too quick to anger. Traps laid bare in my face set to keep me in my place, say goodbye to the child, life it seems is colder." The Chameleons
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herebedragons
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Go to the post and highlight the questions by holding your left mouse button down and scrolling over them then right click and hit "copy" then go to your own reply to this thread and right click again and hit "paste".
Let me think about the people who I care about the most. And how when they fail or disappoint me, I still love them, I still give them chances, and I still see the best in them. Let me extend that generosity to myself.” — Ze Frank
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herebedragons
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how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?
what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?
how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?
if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?
what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then?
how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?
what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?
what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?
how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?
if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?
what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then?
how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?
what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?
Let me think about the people who I care about the most. And how when they fail or disappoint me, I still love them, I still give them chances, and I still see the best in them. Let me extend that generosity to myself.” — Ze Frank
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herebedragons
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- Joined: Sun Apr 11, 2004 1:40 am
Why do I feel I need to hurt myself? What has brought me to this point?
Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it? How did I feel then?
What I have done to ease this discomfort so far? What else can I do that won't hurt me?
How do I feel right now?
How will I feel when I am hurting myself?
How will I feel after hurting myself? How will I feel tomorrow morning?
Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future?
Do I need to hurt myself?
Here are the two sets of questions, let me know if you want me to delete these posts later after you are done with them, good luck hon.
Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it? How did I feel then?
What I have done to ease this discomfort so far? What else can I do that won't hurt me?
How do I feel right now?
How will I feel when I am hurting myself?
How will I feel after hurting myself? How will I feel tomorrow morning?
Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future?
Do I need to hurt myself?
Here are the two sets of questions, let me know if you want me to delete these posts later after you are done with them, good luck hon.
Let me think about the people who I care about the most. And how when they fail or disappoint me, I still love them, I still give them chances, and I still see the best in them. Let me extend that generosity to myself.” — Ze Frank
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green chameleon
- part of the fixtures
- Posts: 2412
- Joined: Fri Aug 06, 2004 10:54 pm
- Location: Missouri
- Contact:
hey I did it!
Why do I feel I need to hurt myself? What has brought me to this point?
Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it? How did I feel then?
What I have done to ease this discomfort so far? What else can I do that won't hurt me?
How do I feel right now?
wishing I was anywhere but me and there's not enough drugs in the world to take me there
How will I feel when I am hurting myself?
empty, in control
How will I feel after hurting myself? How will I feel tomorrow morning?
ashamed, relieved, strong. I'll try to hide it from my husband so he doesn't worry.
Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future?
I don't know how to deal with stress, that's my whole problem. You can only hold it in so long and then it has to leak out somehow.
Do I need to hurt myself?
If I didn't need to hurt myself I wouldn't even contemplate it. A few years ago I would have told you people who cut themselves must be out of their minds and sworn I would never do such a sick thing. Now it seems perfectly reasonable and this scares even me.
I just don't know how to be a normal human, I never learned
Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it? How did I feel then?
What I have done to ease this discomfort so far? What else can I do that won't hurt me?
How do I feel right now?
wishing I was anywhere but me and there's not enough drugs in the world to take me there
How will I feel when I am hurting myself?
empty, in control
How will I feel after hurting myself? How will I feel tomorrow morning?
ashamed, relieved, strong. I'll try to hide it from my husband so he doesn't worry.
Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future?
I don't know how to deal with stress, that's my whole problem. You can only hold it in so long and then it has to leak out somehow.
Do I need to hurt myself?
If I didn't need to hurt myself I wouldn't even contemplate it. A few years ago I would have told you people who cut themselves must be out of their minds and sworn I would never do such a sick thing. Now it seems perfectly reasonable and this scares even me.
I just don't know how to be a normal human, I never learned
It's hard to cut when you're holding a cat.
"Where are we first and last, bound together in our past. Much too cruel, much to fast, much too quick to anger. Traps laid bare in my face set to keep me in my place, say goodbye to the child, life it seems is colder." The Chameleons
"Where are we first and last, bound together in our past. Much too cruel, much to fast, much too quick to anger. Traps laid bare in my face set to keep me in my place, say goodbye to the child, life it seems is colder." The Chameleons
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green chameleon
- part of the fixtures
- Posts: 2412
- Joined: Fri Aug 06, 2004 10:54 pm
- Location: Missouri
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fighting the urge
I really wanted to SI at work today as I had plenty of time alone in the office to do it. The main thing that kept me from doing it was thinking that I'm going to the beach to see my family in 2 weeks and I don't want them to see scars (they don't know). Kind of hard to hide scars in a bathing suit and kind of hard to explain not wearing a bathing suit for a week at the beach. I'm trying to figure out how to cover the scars I already have! So I got out my tools and looked but didn't touch. I do it at work when I feel useless and unmotivated. I get away with a lot of wasting time and feel guilty cause they pay me a good amount. I could ask for more stuff to do but what I really want is to get out!!! I've turned down three promotions in the last year, the last one just a couple weeks ago which makes me feel like I'm malingering and triggers me. Thanks for listening
It's hard to cut when you're holding a cat.
"Where are we first and last, bound together in our past. Much too cruel, much to fast, much too quick to anger. Traps laid bare in my face set to keep me in my place, say goodbye to the child, life it seems is colder." The Chameleons
"Where are we first and last, bound together in our past. Much too cruel, much to fast, much too quick to anger. Traps laid bare in my face set to keep me in my place, say goodbye to the child, life it seems is colder." The Chameleons
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green chameleon
- part of the fixtures
- Posts: 2412
- Joined: Fri Aug 06, 2004 10:54 pm
- Location: Missouri
- Contact:
ok I have been SIing
I know I said I haven't been SIing but that's not really true. I haven't been SI on the rest of my body, but I still am on my face. I've done it so long (over 20) years I don't even think about it anymore. I started to scare myself when I moved onto other methods and areas. The face and head just seem like to routine to me, I don't even think about it.
have you taken care of your physiacl wounds? if not, go do that now. we'll wait. Yeah they're fine
what had happened just before?
I was feeling like I wanted to escape from myself
what were you thinking and feeling?
I wanted the rat race in my brain to stop. I felt depressed and unhappy with myself.
why did you end up hurting yourself then instead of some other time? was there an event that was teh final straw? what was it?
For my face it's every time I look in a mirror or when I'm nervous I run my hands over my face and neck and pick at it. It's a habit. I do it when I feel stressed and can't calm down.
how did the situation get to the final straw stage? trace it back through the events thatled up to the last event. look for some point at which you could have made a different decisiona nd not arrived at the final straw.
The final straw was my brain wouldn't quit whirling and I kept getting tenser and more out of myself. I haven't been sleep hardly at all and lots of nightmares. When I don't get enough sleep my mental state gets really out of control. I'm desparate for a real night of sleep with no nightmares and no sweating.
were there outside factors like drugs, alsohol, being off your meds, lack of sleep, etc? can you address those in the future? how? My meds are toatlly screwed up, issues with my psych who has dissappeared for the month and my next appt. isn't until DEC!!! Drugs also, I take them to try and get through the day and be able to deal civily with people but lately it's quit working and I don't know how to cope.
what other ways of coping did you try besides self-harm? how well did they work?
Last night I got up and did some yoga trying to relax and petted the cat. Still couldn't manage to get back to sleep.
in retrospect, are there coping methods that you now realize might have helped? what were they?
I don't know. I need to get my meds and drugs under control...I should start exercising to let off steam but i don't have the motivation to make it to the gym.
name at least two things you will do to help yourself remember those coping methods if you end up in this situation again.
I should write myself a list of why not to SI and I should go talk to a coworker instead of locking myself in my office or the bathroom.
how do you feel about the situation that led to self-harm now? is it resolved? if not, what are some steps you might take toward resolution?
No it's not resolved. I need to feel more useful at work and quit hating the way my face looks and making it look worse by SI.
are you likely to be in that emotional place again? how will you recognize it when you're in that situation?
Yes, when I start to feel hopeless and down or too ramped up. I know when the feeling is coming on. When my husband's not around it's easier to SI
what will you try before you resort to self-harm if you're in that situation again? list three specific things you will commit to trying.
I will try to get out of myself and talk to someone(very hard for me to do as I have severe social anxiety)
I should move my tools off the bathroom countertop so they are less visible and accessible.
I will think about my cat who always makes me smile
have you taken care of your physiacl wounds? if not, go do that now. we'll wait. Yeah they're fine
what had happened just before?
I was feeling like I wanted to escape from myself
what were you thinking and feeling?
I wanted the rat race in my brain to stop. I felt depressed and unhappy with myself.
why did you end up hurting yourself then instead of some other time? was there an event that was teh final straw? what was it?
For my face it's every time I look in a mirror or when I'm nervous I run my hands over my face and neck and pick at it. It's a habit. I do it when I feel stressed and can't calm down.
how did the situation get to the final straw stage? trace it back through the events thatled up to the last event. look for some point at which you could have made a different decisiona nd not arrived at the final straw.
The final straw was my brain wouldn't quit whirling and I kept getting tenser and more out of myself. I haven't been sleep hardly at all and lots of nightmares. When I don't get enough sleep my mental state gets really out of control. I'm desparate for a real night of sleep with no nightmares and no sweating.
were there outside factors like drugs, alsohol, being off your meds, lack of sleep, etc? can you address those in the future? how? My meds are toatlly screwed up, issues with my psych who has dissappeared for the month and my next appt. isn't until DEC!!! Drugs also, I take them to try and get through the day and be able to deal civily with people but lately it's quit working and I don't know how to cope.
what other ways of coping did you try besides self-harm? how well did they work?
Last night I got up and did some yoga trying to relax and petted the cat. Still couldn't manage to get back to sleep.
in retrospect, are there coping methods that you now realize might have helped? what were they?
I don't know. I need to get my meds and drugs under control...I should start exercising to let off steam but i don't have the motivation to make it to the gym.
name at least two things you will do to help yourself remember those coping methods if you end up in this situation again.
I should write myself a list of why not to SI and I should go talk to a coworker instead of locking myself in my office or the bathroom.
how do you feel about the situation that led to self-harm now? is it resolved? if not, what are some steps you might take toward resolution?
No it's not resolved. I need to feel more useful at work and quit hating the way my face looks and making it look worse by SI.
are you likely to be in that emotional place again? how will you recognize it when you're in that situation?
Yes, when I start to feel hopeless and down or too ramped up. I know when the feeling is coming on. When my husband's not around it's easier to SI
what will you try before you resort to self-harm if you're in that situation again? list three specific things you will commit to trying.
I will try to get out of myself and talk to someone(very hard for me to do as I have severe social anxiety)
I should move my tools off the bathroom countertop so they are less visible and accessible.
I will think about my cat who always makes me smile
It's hard to cut when you're holding a cat.
"Where are we first and last, bound together in our past. Much too cruel, much to fast, much too quick to anger. Traps laid bare in my face set to keep me in my place, say goodbye to the child, life it seems is colder." The Chameleons
"Where are we first and last, bound together in our past. Much too cruel, much to fast, much too quick to anger. Traps laid bare in my face set to keep me in my place, say goodbye to the child, life it seems is colder." The Chameleons
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