I thought I'd stopped SI'ing - trigger?

tips on how to cope: dealing with your feelings, dealing with the consequences of self-harm in your life. share your ideas and maybe pick up some new skills, too. you don't have to want to stop to learn something new here.

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Poppies
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I thought I'd stopped SI'ing - trigger?

Post by Poppies » Mon Sep 27, 2004 5:18 pm

Hello! I've not been here for about 2 years - so long ago that I've forgotten my previous 'identity' here - so I've got a new one! I love poppies - they're somehow fragile but defiant, so that's my new identity!
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I hadn't SI'd for over 2 years - I really thought I was on top of it - the last time I hurt myself (I burn, I don't usually cut) - it was so bad that I should have got medical advice - it took ages to heal, and I was terrified - I knew I had to stop, or go and get help..... I'm over 40, with a family who know nothing about this.... I managed to stay on top of it, and thought 'that was it'...... but here I am again!

It's been getting harder again lately, with stress and worry.... and those wonderful little 'friends' - my hormones.... well, a couple of weeks ago, I cut myself.... and now I'm struggling again, so I thought I'd make a return visit - you're all so supportive here! Before, I sometimes posted, but often just read your posts and they helped - in the circles I move in, I feel such a freak - but here, I don't feel like that. And even if posts don't get answers - there are people reading them who care!

So I'm back.... struggling.... and feeling disappointed.... but this is a 'safe place' for me - I'm glad I had somewhere to come!! :-?

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Post by limestone » Mon Sep 27, 2004 7:49 pm

Hi :)
I hope you find what you're looking for here @ bus.
2 years is a long time. do you have any support irl who you can access to talk to at the moment?
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Poppies
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Support irl?

Post by Poppies » Tue Sep 28, 2004 8:39 am

I'm not sure what a support irl is - sorry! Is it a 'chat' type of thing? I'm very careful when I use the computer, and go through the 'history' items, so I can delete any 'reference' to the bus board - I'm that frightened of my family finding out about my SI! I don't get to spend too long on the computer at any one time - I have to keep minimising bus when someone comes in the room!

Thanks for your concern! I find so much 'normality' here - I'm not an oddity - I'm one of a huge group of people who share a 'problem'. When I come here feeling ashamed and feeling like a freak - I find that I'm normal! And I find that I'm amongst normal people! That normality is very helpful and very calming! :)

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Post by waxbutterfly » Tue Sep 28, 2004 9:02 pm

hi, welcome back to bus. :)
irl means in real life. it's just an abreviation.
it probly would be a good idea to find some irl support, instead of just online - even though bus is great. even if you don't want your family to know, maybe you could find a therapist you could talk to? i hope you feel better. lots of hugs if you want them.

betsy

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is it getting better, or do you feel the same? does it make it easier on you now you've got someone to blame? well it's too late tonight to drag the past out into the light. we're one, but we're not the same. we've got to carry eachother.
- U2

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Post by Poppies » Wed Sep 29, 2004 8:36 am

Oops! Silly me! I thought IRL meant something to do with the computer!! I have a friend who I used to be able to talk to about si, but she got so exasperated and sarcastic about it that I stopped talking to her about it - now she thinks I don't struggle with it any more! I also talked to someone else about it once, but they so wanted me to be over it, that I felt I couldn't talk to her any more!

My sister struggles with si too, but we don't help each other - as we struggle with the same sort of problems, we tend to trigger each other when we talk to each other about it!

So I tend to keep it secret... my doctor is friendly with my parents.... and my husband and daughters go to him... he's nice, but I'm frightened he might say something!
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Post by Bathelina » Wed Sep 29, 2004 9:26 pm

I feel sorry for you... and I'm sorry you feel this way...

It's very hard to cope with this sort of thing on your own. I strongly suggest you tell someone and/or get some help.

Even if it's just a close friend; or your husband? I duno... just tell somebody. The only way it can get better if someone knows. I don't think it would be wise to tell your kids yet... I mean, it depends how old they are. It's hard to say but quite a lot of kids whose parents have SH end up SHing... I don't know much to be honest, but this happened to my friend.

So all I can say is tell somebody and/or get some help, counselling, or see your doctor...

Good luck, and lot of love and best wishes,
Hannah :):):)
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