
But today we were watching tv and she said "your happy now arent you? i mean your life is better now right?"
So i was like, "ummmmmmmmmmmmm" man was she wrong...

Then i kinda nodded so she said "you sure? you kinda hesitated...?"
So i nodded again...
Then she went "good, i thought so, im glad, cos it matters to me u know?"
i nodded again. i was having my own private nodding fest, it seemed.
Then my grandma came in and told us dinner was ready so that was the end of that conversation.

Then later i figured, really i was not gonna get a better opertunity than this to talk to her. So i did. I went into her room later and told her i was lying when i said i was happy and that in fact i was worse than ever, then i took off my pj top and said, "look". She looked, she saw all my scars.
So she cried and said we were gonna get me some help PRONTO. This was all very good.

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ANYWAY, tomorrow im going to the doctor.

Its really rather scary.
This whole, getting help thing, its scary.
I wonder what the doctor will say.
Im not sure i want to know exactly whats wrong with me.
Oh blimey im really scared.
Can i have some support or advice or anything? If thats ok... I just think i kinda need a push in the right direction, in case i flake out.
el xxx
