Spoilers
First, realize that bus by it's very nature is going to be somewhat difficult reading at times. Please make sure you're in a safe place before you start reading your bus mail, and have a plan for what you will do if you start feeling disturbed.
Although people are encouraged to add spoilers to posts that are likely to disturb most people, they are essentially a courtesy. The person most responsible for keeping you safe is you. If you're in a bad place or feeling unsafe, don't read spoilered mail.
As a courtesy to others, since we can never know what kind of mood they'll be reading the list in, we do follow the tradition of spoilering certain topics. Even if a topic is not spoilered, please use a descriptive subject line, especially if it's a serious post (goofy subjects are cool on humorous posts, and humorous posts are generally cool - they're a nice break). People depend on your subject lines to figure out if they can be safe reading your post.
How to do a spoiler
In the subject of the post, add the word "spoiler" and a few words describing the reason. For example, "bad day (spoiler - graphic si/methods)."
Repeat the subject line as the first line of the post, then add several lines
of * or - or whatever,
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
like that, so people reading the digest can space through it.
Things to be spoilered
Graphic descriptions of si - this one confuses people sometimes. It's okay to talk about hurting yourself or wanting to, or to ask about treatment of cuts and burns, etc. It needs a spoiler when you go into graphic detail and describe exactly what you did, how it looked, what it felt like, etc, in intense language. Same thing if you're describing a wound in great detail. Sometimes people post graphic descriptions of si because they are really wanting to be hugged and feel taken care of. If you compose a post like this, stop for a moment and see if you can ask for what you need/want directly. I know it's hard sometimes, especially at first. And there are times when you just need to vent - that's one of the things bus is for. Just do it in a way that respects other people by warning them first.
Graphic descriptions of abuse - same thing. You can talk about the fact that you were abused without spoilers. Again, this is sort of something people would expect to see on a list like this. If you go into the details and get intense and graphic, then you need to spoiler the message. I know that a part of the healing process is needing to tell your story and be validated, and i want bus to be a safe place for that. Being safe means making things safe for others, too. If you are currently in an abusive situation, please be aware that people are going to respond to your accounts of abuse with suggestions about how you can get out of there, and that they might get frustrated if it seems you're not willing to do anything. We're human here, we're a tight-knit community, and we care about each other.
Descriptions of sex - there are a few rare situations in which a post describing sex might be appropriate, and if you're posting about one, please spoiler what you're saying. Sex is one of the big three triggers (sex, weight/ed, religion) and there's no excuse for failing to warn people when you're going to talk about it. Posts with sexual content need to have spoilers.
Weight/eating disorders - SI and eating disorders often occur together. Even some of us who aren't eating disordered have weight issues, so if you're going to talk about weight, eating disorders, food issues, whatever, please warn people. This is important.
Religion - religion starts flame wars more than it triggers people (though it is a powerful trigger for a lot of people). This list is not a place to debate your spiritual beliefs or to convert others (whether you're trying to get them to believe or to not believe - it's all the same). Religion includes all belief/non-belief systems - Christianity, Islam, Judaism, Buddhism, Paganism, Wicca, agnosticism, atheism, etc. It's okay to talk about, but it needs to be spoilered. Conversion attempts are liable to be met with a request that you drop the thread or take it private.
Extreme swearing and intense self-hatred/anger - this is a tricky one, and I've recently added it. It's hard to describe, exactly - the sort of "I'm a fucking waste of human flesh and I deserve to die and I'm scum and and " rants that really bother a lot of people. If you absolutely need to vent this way, please warn people. If you are venting this way several times a day, we might need to talk about safer ways for you to get the pain and frustration out, possibly by setting you up with a mentor/moderator to help you post safely.
Suicide - it's okay to post about feeling suicidal. If you're not posting intense suicidal emotions but just mentioning that you feel like shit and want to die, you probably don't need a spoiler. If you're going into detail about why you're suicidal and you're using a lot of intense emotional language, a spoiler is probably a good idea.
That's a good general guideline, in fact - if you are using intense emotional language, you probably need a spoiler somewhere. If you're not, you probably (that's a probably, not a definitely) don't.
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