Before

[Estrella]

how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself? its too much in me right now i need to let someo f it out of me so i can deal with it.


what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation? it will make it so i can thnk more clearly. it wll take away a lot i think i havent cut in almost 2 motnhs.

how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way? i want to feel more calm and able to ddeal with this. maybe farther from how i want to feel in the long run.


if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then? it will last all night, i will be able to sleep maybe.


what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then? im upset because 6 months ago, i lost my dog, my best friend...i could write her a letter to let some of this out of me. but it might just make me want to cut more.


how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with? i will feel like i let myself down because its been so long since i last cut and id have to start over. if i do the other thing i'd still feel sad and it might make me want to cut more.


what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now? i just want to be able to cry really hard and hold onto someone.


Why do I feel I need to hurt myself? What has brought me to this point? i miss my doggie....i was giving her permission to die right now 6 months ago...and then in the morning we had to have her put to sleep... i just need her here


Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it? How did I feel then? yes ive felt this way before but i cant believe its been half a year. i cut to deal. it helped release some feelings and made me focus on the cutting.


What I have done to ease this discomfort so far? What else can I do that won't hurt me? ive tried to talk to people about it and ive tried to get myself to cry and i just cant


How do I feel right now? i feel sad and anxious and like its too much feeling inside of me and it has to get out


How will I feel when I am hurting myself? i will feel such relief...ahhh..


How will I feel after hurting myself? How will I feel tomorrow morning? i will feel ok afterwards...but then feel like ive messed up and let myself down


Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future? i sure hope so


Do I need to hurt myself? ii dont even know

[Smeagol]

hi estrella

I'm sorry you're feeling so rough and that you lost your dog.

how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself? its too much in me right now i need to let someo f it out of me so i can deal with it.

You talked about writing letters; did you try that in the end? Did writing here help? Something someone suggested to me once was just scribbling, scriblling, scribbling in the dark, saying everything i felt, then shredding it or binning it. The idea being to get the feelings out but not linger on them. Might that sort of thing help?

im upset because 6 months ago, i lost my dog, my best friend...i could write her a letter to let some of this out of me. but it might just make me want to cut more.

It's difficult when distress comes from situations you can't change. Grief is very natural though. I still grieve for animals that died a few years ago. I can empathise. I don't really know how to deal with those feelings though. Mostly i try and distract myself; is there anything you could do to cheer you up? I'm not trying to suggest that your feelings aren't important, but if the hurt is overwhelming right now then maybe doing something else would ehlp and then you could come back to it later. I've seen some people say that they devote 15 minutes each day to letting themselves get really upset over things. they work themselves up, immerse themselves in their feelings, but then push them aside as much as they can the rest of the time. Seems to work for them; might that work for you? Or could you perform some kind of ritual, like writing a message and attaching it to a balloon, then letting the balloon go? Maybe that could be a letting go thing, a marking of how uch you cared and still do.

cut and id have to start over. if i do the other thing i'd still feel sad and it might make me want to cut more.

Worth a try though, no? Might push you over into crying, which you said might help.

what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now? i just want to be able to cry really hard and hold onto someone.

I'm sorry I can't hold you and comfort you. Coukld you visit the nest, maybe? People there might be able to provide suupport like that, even though it's not the same as ther eal thing.

Take care.

[Estrella]

Hello Smeagol, Thank you for the reply. i do like the idea of scribbling out my feelings in the dark just to get them out of me. i think i will have to try that sometime, it seems like it could really help. i tried to write to her, but it just feels like there are no words... i dont know. today's gonna be a rough day. but i havent cut yet. i hope that i dont. it feels like half of me wants me to cut, and the other half fights it. like im at constant war with myself. and i will check out the Nest. i didnt even know it was here. Anyway, thank you again. -E