Conscious vs the unconscious love

[Licentia Poetica]

I'm confused.

People tell me I have to open myself up to love, and put more trust in people and the world and myself.

I have this problem where I unconsciously seperate people into 2 groups - the people who like me therefore are stupid, and the people who are cool because they don't.

I consciously understand that these things are false, that it's my problem and not theirs. and I can change my behaviour to suit that.

But what I can't do, is unconsciously feel anything different about these people. and I'm confused because I can consciously tell myself that I need to be able to believe that someone loves me and love them back, but I just cant make myself.

I don't get it - how can you make yourself believe that and love them back.. when it's something that just doesn't exist in your heart however much your brain wants it to?

[red umbrellas]

I've read....and I don't have a lot constructive to say tbh.
I often feel the same.....my heart finds it hard to believe that anyone loves me. It's a matter of getting past negative self-beliefs, which is very hard.
What I find helps sometimes though, is to go through old emails, letters, texts, photos....people wouldn't make that effort if they didn't love you.
Think about how you felt when you received them, and look at your face in a lot of the photos...do you look happy to be around them?
Maybe you love them more than you conciously realise.

Just a thought....not sure if it's of much help