After-again

[NobodyToYou]

*have you taken care of your physical wounds? if not, go do that now. we'll wait.
don't need care.

*what had happened just before?
got home from work

*what were you thinking and feeling?
honestly, nothing that I can remember. Not thinking anything in particular...biggest thing to think about was what to eat for dinner. Not feeling anything that I know of, although I am sure there is some sort of emotion involved.

*why did you end up hurting yourself then instead of some other time? was there an event that was the final straw? what was it?
I don't know. I just did...no final straw. No reason. No previous event.

*how did the situation get to the final straw stage? trace it back through the events that led up to the last event. look for some point at which you could have made a different decision and not arrived at the final straw.
Been having strong urges since yesterday. Got a little better after sleeping, but has been tough all day.

*were there outside factors like drugs, alsohol, being off your meds, lack of sleep, etc? can you address those in the future? how?
no. Nothing out of the ordinary.

*what other ways of coping did you try besides self-harm? how well did they work?
during the day I mostly focused on work. Last night I tried a lot of different things. Today...I didn't try anything once I got home. I SIed within the first 3 minutes of walking in the door. I don't know why I didn't try something. I know I had a choice, but I can only think of one moment, right before I did it, when I knew that I was making a choice. The rest is kinda a blur.

*in retrospect, are there coping methods that you now realize might have helped? what were they?
I could have tried waiting. I could have tried distraction. I could have tried...I don't know. I doubt any of it would have helped, but I could have tried.

*name at least two things you will do to help yourself remember those coping methods if you end up in this situation again.
Just need to be determined enough to keep trying. Although right now I don't think it matters, I will probably care later.
Need to identify feelings rather than just trying to avoid SIing. Need to try to solve something, not just wait things out. It doesn't hurt to use distraction and stuff, but I need to be able to do more than just wait and hope it gets better.
maybe journaling
maybe emailing or posting

*how do you feel about the situation that led to self-harm now? is it resolved? if not, what are some steps you might take toward resolution?
I really can't identify a situation. I can't even figure out my own feelings.

*are you likely to be in that emotional place again? how will you recognize it when you're in that situation?
I don't know.

*what will you try before you resort to self-harm if you're in that situation again? list three specific things you will commit to trying.
Write or type something for journaling
post on BUS or email someone
play the 15 minute game

[Callista]

Ooh... hang in there kiddo. Hope you figure out what you're feeling... seems to me like you're just pretty used to pushing stuff away so you don't have to feel it... I do that myself.

Oh, well, it's just one slip up, tomorrow's another day, neh?