Before

[NobodyToYou]

*Why do I feel I need to hurt myself? What has brought me to this point?
I don't konw. I just have the opportunity. I know I won't get caught. And...somehow I really want to. But I don't know why. It would just be better.

*Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it? How did I feel then?
I have been here...wherever here is. I sometimes just wait it out. I am hoping that writing about it will make things more clear...let me figure out why I am having urges and what I am feeling. Sometimes it works...sometimes not.

*What I have done to ease this discomfort so far? What else can I do that won't hurt me?
I have eaten, and eaten, and eaten. And it helps for a minute, but not for long. What else...filling out this. Watching TV. Could try sleeping, but don't want more nightmares. Take a hot shower (need to do that anyway) but don't think I should go into the bathroom now since I really would like to purge. I don't know. The longer I think, the more things come to mind for how I could hurt myself, not how to stay safe.

*How do I feel right now?
I don't know. Can't identify a feeling right now.

*How will I feel when I am hurting myself?
don't know that either. Maybe a bit happy because I won't be having to fight it anymore. Maybe a bit ashamed...I should not be doing this, even thinking about it.

*How will I feel after hurting myself? How will I feel tomorrow morning?
Ashamed of myself, disappointed, but probably in another way, a bit better.

*Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future?
Can't identify the stressor. Don't know where all this is coming from.

*Do I need to hurt myself?
No. I never need to. But I still want to.

[silent_scream]

*Why do I feel I need to hurt myself? What has brought me to this point?
I don't konw. I just have the opportunity. I know I won't get caught. And...somehow I really want to. But I don't know why. It would just be better.

What makes now different than any other time you have had oppertunity? What gives you a choice now?

*Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it? How did I feel then?
I have been here...wherever here is. I sometimes just wait it out. I am hoping that writing about it will make things more clear...let me figure out why I am having urges and what I am feeling. Sometimes it works...sometimes not.

Will waiting it out help now? What happened when you waited it out before?

*What I have done to ease this discomfort so far? What else can I do that won't hurt me?
I have eaten, and eaten, and eaten. And it helps for a minute, but not for long. What else...filling out this. Watching TV. Could try sleeping, but don't want more nightmares. Take a hot shower (need to do that anyway) but don't think I should go into the bathroom now since I really would like to purge. I don't know. The longer I think, the more things come to mind for how I could hurt myself, not how to stay safe.

How about sit on the couch and watch a movie? Go out for a walk (in the snow ), ring someone, post on games, listen to loud, happy, music, ring someone or if not ring someone - talk to someone on a messenger. How about making it so you don't have the oppertunity right now (eg. go to a mall or somewhere busy).

*How do I feel right now?
I don't know. Can't identify a feeling right now.

Is that a feeling in itself? (eg. confused)

*How will I feel when I am hurting myself?
don't know that either. Maybe a bit happy because I won't be having to fight it anymore. Maybe a bit ashamed...I should not be doing this, even thinking about it.

It's ok to think about it. It's ok to want to do it too. I know it's hard to fight. Sometimes I just stop fighting, but I still don't do it: I just take a break from it.

*How will I feel after hurting myself? How will I feel tomorrow morning?
Ashamed of myself, disappointed, but probably in another way, a bit better.

What other ways can we acheive feeling better?

*Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future?
Can't identify the stressor. Don't know where all this is coming from.

Could it be boredom? I know that sounds weird: but you say you have opportunity and I'm wondering if you're at home on you're own or something, and maybe you just need things to keep you busy so that you do not have time.

*Do I need to hurt myself?
No. I never need to. But I still want to.

That's a good thing to recognise. Sometimes we confused what we need with what we want. What DO you need? Eg. do you need someone to comfort you, or sit with you? Do you need to do something physical like excersize to give you the same feelings as SI (it released the same hormone stuff), so you need to sleep? Are you hungry and that's making you feel bad? Are you frustrated with something and don't realise it? Are you thirsty? Are you rested? These things will affect our minds.