It will get worse... now I'm in for daytime treatment but I'm so afraid of giving up my studies... if I hurt myself right now, I will probably go IP. Then I can't take part in the daytime treatment group anymore.
what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?
It will bring relief. Well maybe not. But the urge will get lower.
It will take away the small possibility of continuing on my studies.
how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?
I want to love myself again. feel comfortable with myself again. If I do what I want now... I will really regret it later on. ODing might do serious damage
if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?
I don't know how long it will last... probably short... cause I'll have to get myself to a hospital... I want to OD but I don't want to die. Bit of a contradiction.
what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then?
I'm already trying to distract myself..
did: sleeping, posting, browsing for pictures, more sleeping, eating comfort food, drink tea, drink hot cocoa, tried to ring my friends (but can't reach anyone)
how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?
I'll feel really ill because of the OD and because I failed myself if I go through with this. If I manage to keep myself distracted, I will feel much better.
what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?
well, rationally seen I want to get over the urge without any damage.
but my head keeps screaming "OD, OD!". I'm wondering if it helps if I SI.. but that'll probably be a bad thing as well.
gah... I'm confused.
)
