before before before

[Fyllie]

how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?
im not sure, it wont really

what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?
i will get the "bad" attention again, and i will have something to feed my stupid manipulative side with [ ]
i will also have a coping mechanism back during a really rough time
but
i will have my unstable reputation back

how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?
i want to be okay
it will get me farther from that

if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?
until tuesday
i dont know

how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?
good and bad both

what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?
i want a hug and i want to talk to a certain person
i dont know

Remember you don't have to answer all the questions
i have problems with that


yeah, this didnt really get me any further from the urge, but it was worth a try i guess *sigh*

[Fyllie]

What is the point if it won't change things? Won't it even change how you feel even if it doesn't change the situation?
i guess...i would feel...different...i have real problems identifying feelings...
i would feel better and i would feel sneaky and i would feel like i have a secret again...and i would feel worried that i was anticipating someone's potential reaction incorrectly [because there is one person that i would not be able to hide it from (sees me naked)]...

Do you want the negative attention back? Will negative attention be better than no attention? How do you think you could get postive attention and praise, would that make you feel better than getting negative attention for SI-ing?
What is it about the situation that needs you to manipulate it?
negative attention is better than no attention...its not that i get NO attention, its that i would like MORE attention, and i will take any kind i can get...i dont know how to get positive attention...i mean, i already do but i cant take it seriously...
i need to manipulate it because that is what i do...even though no one knows it...i cant ask so i manipulate...

What will get you closer to being OK? How can you resolve the situation without hurting yourself?
i cant think of a single thing that could get me closer to being okay right now...
i can think of one thing, and it cant happen...literally...

Why specifically Tuesday?
because i will see the person that i was referring to down below on tuesday...or possibly monday...but that is really the only time we talk, not by my choice...

What is stopping you opening dialogue with that person and asking for a hug and to be cared for? there is nothing wrong with asking for the things you need.
i try not to ever need anything. i dont like needing things.

do you have a problem with answering all the questions or not answering them?
i have a problem with leaving questions and not answering them...i dont like unanswered questions...

Maybe you need to talk more about what is causing this urge, how do you feel/ what emotions are you going through, what is the root cause of those feelings?
i feel like i am wasting space.