Peoples response to Self-Harm

[HakunaMatata]

I think peoples response to s.h. can really affect our attitude- if they support you then you feel ok, but 1 nasty word regarding it and it feels like its going to destroy you, its just such a sensitive subject. I go on a horsey message board and decided to start a post off on there to see what views people had on s.h. (without saying anything about trichotillomania, adn this was before I started cutting myself) Just thought I'd pass on some of the replies I got cos they're quite interesting and also encouraging- not everyone prejudges people who s.h. with the same attitude. It helps me when I'm down and thinking of s.h.'ing and I think of the support I can get off others then if I do s.h. I feel like I've let them down too, so it really helped me anyway. Em x. Ps, hope they're in an order which makes sense...

'having personal experience on the subject (not myself but some very very close friends) I can honestly say its a very complex subject.

My friend resorted to it as the only way to try and relieve the pressure and stress she was suffering. She doesn't know why she does it but there is just this urge, that if she does it will somehow help. She knows it is wrong but has to fight the urge with every part of her self. She has the painful scars to prove her past and she always will, she hates herself for doing it which only makes it worse.

I can only start to vaguely understand it and honestly believe that unless you are in the same position you can't truthfully comment on it. Some people say 'well just don't cut yourself' it just isn't that easy and I'm sure any sufferer would wish it was.

A sensitive subject how ever approached though I do think it needs discussion as self harm along with depression are just swept under a carpet and thought wrong and perhaps not real sometimes. I have learnt a lot from my friend over the past year, and its amazing what someone suffering will do to hide the truth. For example do you know anyone with depression? you will probably find the happiest cheeriest person you know suffers as this is often their screen they hide by being over happy.

The whole overall subject is now very close to my heart as I know just how much it can affect some of the most wonderful people in the world. '


'What I have noticed is people see some-one with 'x' disorder and instantly think 'omg, they're some sort of freak/pyscho. whatever' when what these people really need is the opposite- for people to care. There's obviously a reason why they're doing what they do- so don't cut them out cos of it- support them- even if they dont want to talk about it, the fact someone has this opinion of them that is different to this, means a lot to them. Of course, this is just how I see it- otehr people might disagree with me!'

'ive had experience with it. a girl of 13 whos mum left when she was 2, her dad blamed it on her and when this girl wanted to go see her mum her dad would say no because her mum never wanted her etc and was taking everything out on her, plus she was always having friend problems(where she was self harming and no one knew how to deal with it except for call her a phyco sweety which only made things a lot worse!)

i talked to her every day for so long and it went on for months, i was her 'mentour' kinda person and we had a rather strong friendship by the end and she stopped cutting herself etc and moved schools in the end and is now much happier. she was always wanting fights etc but all that stopped when she had time to talk about her anger and hurt!

it really makes a change when someone wants help and all it takes is for someone to listen to them!'

' don't reali talk abt it with people but i thnk thngs need 2 b said. i used 2 cut myself.
i was v. upset abt my family life (my parents and bro constantly fighting, the atmosphere, my bro hitting and beatin me up etc) and school exams and stuff wer getting 2 me. i hav loads of m8s who i dearly luv but i didnt thnk i could talk abt it 2any1 even my best m8 as i thought she wod get bored of me. so one night, i sat on my rug, picked up my razor blade and cut all down my legs. my best m8 realised by the cuts on me wat i had been doing and she sat me down and told me i could always go 2 her with my problems and vice versa.
im much happier now, life @ home's a lot beta, schools chilled out more now and my friends are always there 4 me!
please never self harm urself, i hav a lil perminent scarring from the cutting but its had a inner effect on me. don't do it because (a) it iwll always get beta (b) talk 2 ur friends before it gets too bad (c) it reali hurts!! '

'WOW!! What a hard topic to talk about. I have had issues with depression, which also runs in my family, and know all to well the stigma that is involved... which is why its hard to talk about. Because of this stigma I have never been diagnosed, and told only my BF how I've felt, and dealt with it myself.

I know some of you will say this is silly, but (no offence intended) I am the one that lives with it

Things are slowly getting better it was very hard after I split with abusive BF (not the one I told - he's lovely ), and self-esteem because of him was definitely in the minus's.

I too felt like I was moaning on to people, and tended to deal with my issues with alcohol and arguing. It sounds ridiculous even as I write it, but it made me feel like I didn't need anyone because I was an ARGUER!!! Therefore I was tough!!

There are many forms of self abuse, and I can honestly my scars are not visable - they come from my own mind telling me things that ex BF used to say (heard them enough!!).

Not sure if you have the ad campain in the UK, but we have one here that shows people talking about their mum for example saying "she gives me the best hugs" and all the people around her and why they love her... at the end they introduce her and say"she's affected by depression" (or whatever). The catch phase is "know me before you judge me" which sits very close to my heart '

'Ooglie now of us think your silly infact personally I think your very brave. One of the hardest things for someone with depression to do is actually admit it. So well done you.

I'm glad things are looking up for you and also glad you found a bloke who actually knows he is lucky to have you.

What gets me is how quickly depression can lift IF given the chance. my very close friend was being dragged down recently and it was made worse as she had absolutly no self confidence. Well thankfully yesterday one single event has lifted her almost right out (for now) and hopefully it will stay that way for a long time to come as I dislike to see her suffering.

We need an ad campaign like that over here. Its still all very hush hush here it needs to be brought into public awareness. '

'ive told some of the angels about what ive been through with my self harm. i used to cut myself and every so often still do now. as katieb said you get urges and thats all you want to do and for me i actually also started to enjoy it. i know its souhds odd but its the quickest way i found of relieveing all my stress and drepression.
ive recently been quite depressed not that ive really been showing it to others until the last 2 days. for 2 weeks i resorted to alcohol. i drank loads in them 2 weeks have only juts stopped drinkin only for the odd occasion when i go out with friends. but found alcohol easier to give up than cutting myself.
i coudlnt talk to anyone about it never told my parents and they still dont know. the only problem is i found it didnt hurt until i felt i had finished so could cut deep it actually started to hurt.
people judge people so easily with the way they cope with things. i dont think anyone on here would judge me for what ive bin/going through so i find it easy 2 talk 2 you guys.'

'Ooglie- none of us think that about you- you're brave about admitting your problems and being willing to share your experiences.
I admit i harm myself and am not going to go into anymore detail- but for those who self harm I recommend the BUS (bodies under seige) website I dont post, just read- and altho' i try and avoid some of the sections if im feeling low as it doesnt help- people are really friendly- theres some horsey people too- and its just a good place to talk to people.'

'my brother who is in year 8 at school, said that 5 girls in his class all self harm( by cutting their wrists. i found this very supriseing!'

'i would say that is not a bad estimate for one class at that age, and i think it might be higer when you get to the GCSE years(even if its not directly related to that!) '

'I'd say this number is probably about right. I dunno what triggered mine, but I've found most people who I know who cut themselves do it because of a teenage depressed 'life aint fair' moment and they're generally easy going so it was just the moment. However my best friend cuts herself and hers wasn't triggered for this reason and is a bit deeper than that. We just support each other through it.'

'lots of people so it 4 the attention, but some people it is soooooooo much deeper than that.
some people cant talk 2 others even if they want 2 bcoz they dont really know what is upsetting them so much! some people have got things built in that they think if some1 see's it for just one second they might get some kind of affection or support....ie ther is somethin missing but they dont think about it rationally.
this is a really awkward subject to be discussin known so many people have access to this site!
i cant post personal experience or opinion but i can offer support 4 anyone who wants 2 stop it!or just talk. '