wanna be happy :(

[sombra-triste]

gah, i've always hated complaining, and i kind of feel pathetic cos i don't feel like i should be dumping my problems on other people... but i don't really know whats going on, and i just want to know. For the past 2 weeks, i've been below down, nothing really cheers me up and i seem to be permanently on the verge of breakdowns, with constant headaches. It just seems like nothing wants to work out the way i want it, and none of my friends really let me rant to them cos they're sick of me complaining. So i not only stopped complaining, but now i can't seem to open up about anything serious at all, and when i try (like now) it gets really hard, i get all anxious and want to just delete it all. My throat gets tight, and i want to rip myself away from the computer to keep myself from saying things i shouldn't. I can't sleep...i haven't really an appetite, i have to force feed myself dinner, and some kind of snack after some big physical activity. Nothing i try to put my effort into seems important enough. I never seem to be able to concentrate on one thing for long enough, and my life just feels soo routine, every monday is like the last monday, every tuesday is like the last tuesday, every wednesday is like the last wedesday, well you get the point. I'm sick of the way teh world turns and the way that everyone turns with it. I just don't feel like i'm here, don't feel like i SHOULD b here. and i just don't understand because when i look at it, it doesn't seem like i have much of a reason to be sad. but i am. i have no reason to be happy. i've lost everything that has ever made me happy. i have nothing.

[Cellardoor]

im sorry its like that for u... thats horrible. ive been like that this past 2 weeks aswell, if its any consolation... but just keep on going right? things are bound to get better sometime... i hope so anyway! theres nothing to do but wait and hang in there... hope ur allrite anyway... el xxx

[kurdt_kobain]

First off, welcome to BUS. Have a cow. The thing about BUS that I want to stress to you is this place is MADE for you to complain and bitch on. And it's made for you to dump your problems into the little text box. We care about you and if you need someone to talk to, we're always here to listen.

I understand what you mean by "dumping your problems." It's horrible to feel like a burden. But just by coming here, to coping, and talking about it, you've already addressed that something in you wants to get over it. Otherwise, you wouldn't be here.

Have you ever tried to really shake up your life? Maybe one day you should just do something really strange, like not wear any underwear. Or go out for a walk and stay out. Or sleep outside and stare at the stars. As stupid as it sounds, when my life feels really boring, I try to do something really...strange just to shake it up. Drink hot chocolate and eat vanilla ice cream.

I know that life can feel dull and boring. I know feeling like life isn't interesting and isn't worth living. I understand that. It's a symptom of depression--have you been to see anyone? As stupid as it sounds, having someone to vent everything to really does help.

You always have something. You say you have nothing left. I'm positive that is NOT true. There is always going to be someone who cares about you. And you have BUS now. Use it.

Remember how those REALLY good times don't last forever? Well, by the same notion, the REALLY bad times won't either. You can and will get through this feeling. Make a list of things that make you happy--even though it seems like you're pushing yourself, name at least five. And do it. Eat chocolate in the bath tub.

Things will get better. Hang in there, and keep using BUS.

[Tamrick]

Welcome to Bus.

It sounds like you are having a hard time. Life can be boring. The thing that worries me is that you seem to have given up - you need to be asking - if Monday is like the next Monday and I don't like it, then how can I change it? Kurdt came up with some interesting ideas, and I'm sure you can come up with lots more - its about making life different.

You can also change your routine and still keep it routine:

From now on Monday I'll eat ice cream at 12:00
on Tuesday I'll do one thing I've never done before in my life
and so on.

Have you been treated for depression? When life loses all meaning then often there is some depression which can improve if you have the right treatment. Its horrible to feel hopeless.

When you feel so down it is often hard to work on changing things, so start very small with something that will be easy to change - and don't worry if it doesn't give you the happiness you hoped for - its an experiment - keep experimenting til you do feel happy. There are an infinite number of possibilities - don't give up til you've tried them all. (Moaning on bus or to your friends is also one of those possibilities so don't feel like you can't)

*hugs*
Tamrick