After

[NobodyToYou]

Ok...posting an after about yesterday. Replies and insights very welcome.
have you taken care of your physiacl wounds? if not, go do that now. we'll wait.
Nothing needs care.

what had happened just before?
I came home from class...it had been long, I didn't want to be there.

what were you thinking and feeling?
I was so tired of fighting...I had been fighting urges for days. And I was tired from not sleeping well, overwhelmed with everything I had to get done...I was feeling...Don't know exactly what it was. But a lot of stress, bad feelings, anger, sadness...don't know. But I decided while I was driving that I would SI when I got home. However, when I got home, I stopped and got on BUS first...watched TV...ate something...tried my usual distractions. But I didn't try as hard as I could have, and used SI.

why did you end up hurting yourself then instead of some other time? was there an event that was teh final straw? what was it?
Nothing in particular...just couldn't seem to face going on. I needed to get things done (still do...) and I knew just couldn't seem to face it without SI...Although I know I could have if I had tried hard enough.

how did the situation get to the final straw stage? trace it back through the events thatled up to the last event. look for some point at which you could have made a different decisiona nd not arrived at the final straw.
No idea...other than keep delaying it. But I kinda feel that SI was inevitable because the internal pressure kept building and building...I needed something to let it out. So I need to look for other ways to actually deal with the emotions, rather than just distractions. Distractions are not good enough for long term changes. Ideas are welcome.

were there outside factors like drugs, alsohol, being off your meds, lack of sleep, etc? can you address those in the future? how?
lack of sleep. Need to set better limits for myself and not let myself cross them...set a bedtime and stick to it, even if I can't sleep. Because I may sleep more than if I don't get in bed and try.

what other ways of coping did you try besides self-harm? how well did they work?
Tried getting on BUS, watching TV and eating something. Didn't work at all.

in retrospect, are there coping methods that you now realize might have helped? what were they?
Maybe I should have tried to sleep before SI...don't really know what else might have helped.

name at least two things you will do to help yourself remember those coping methods if you end up in this situation again.
Practice making myself sleep before considering acting on any urges.

how do you feel about the situation that led to self-harm now? is it resolved? if not, what are some steps you might take toward resolution?
Not really resolved...homework is still there, still a lot to get done. Still feeling bad...although not as bad as before because the SI did help some. I think I need to work on coping skills for DEALING with the emotions rather than just finding ways to avoid them.

are you likely to be in that emotional place again? how will you recognize it when you're in that situation?
SU thoughts will increase again...urges will become my main thought. Will lose ability to focus...I think it will be pretty obvious.

what will you try before you resort to self-harm if you're in that situation again? list three specific things you will commit to trying.
Sleep first.
Try to write out feelings...
Try any suggestions other people have.

[fire.bird]

i'm sorry to hear you're having a hard time right now, NobodyToYou, but i'm glad to see that you posted, after having read a part in one of your "before" posts about maybe not wanting to come on BUS after.

So I need to look for other ways to actually deal with the emotions, rather than just distractions. Distractions are not good enough for long term changes. Ideas are welcome.

amen.

what are your ideas about this?


~b

[NobodyToYou]

Honestly, I have no ideas.
But i took a copy of this to my T...he was quite happy with it. T is always happy when I am unhappy. Strange how that works. He seems to think...and may be right. He is right way too often... that I need to change relationships with other people to allow emotional needs to be met rather than ignored. Because ignored...doesn't seem to work too well. Also...feelings must be expressed more, rather than hidden. So, we will be working on this...processing feelings stuff. I have to do some writing assignments and bring them to T on Monday. Not wanting to do them right now...but I will eventually.
Coming back to BUS was scary...admitting that I messed up was scary...although it has happened many times before, I had never actually admitted that I was trying to stop before. So...harder to face failure when actually admitting it is failure. But I have almost no contact with people other than here, and certainly no one who knows how hard things have been...so I find that I can't do without BUS right now...so here I am.

[mallie]

It is a good thing that you can admit that you need BUS. Even not that you need it, but that it helps you manage right now - there is nothing wrong with that.

Nothing in particular...just couldn't seem to face going on. I needed to get things done (still do...) and I knew just couldn't seem to face it without SI...Although I know I could have if I had tried hard enough.

Have you tried writing out what needs doing - just making a list, and then if you need to, breaking it down into smaller bits? I've found that pretty useful in working out what needs doing and how to go about it.

So I need to look for other ways to actually deal with the emotions, rather than just distractions. Distractions are not good enough for long term changes

Now that you've had more time, have you figured out what the emotions were?