another before

[frances]

Why do I feel I need to hurt myself? What has brought me to this point?

I'm stressed, i have a lot to deal with at the moment in terms of sorting my life out, moving out of my flat, paying bills and no feasible way of doing it, i feel out of control.


Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it? How did I feel then?
Not in this particular case, but i've been in other situations where i've had a lot to do and little time, I've also been in other situations where I've felt out of control though.

What I have done to ease this discomfort so far? What else can I do that won't hurt me?
I've had a cigarette, but now it's raining, I've talked to my friend but she's gone off to pack, i jsut really need to get in contact with the people who are supposed to be helping me and then i'll feel more in control, like this is manageable.


How do I feel right now?
really really fucking stressed. It's raining heavily so i'm trapped in the computer room, I'm annoyed i haven't done everything i've set out to do, I'm annoyed i didn't even attempt to start doing this yesterday. I feel like SI would help me focus, and help me rise above the panic.

How will I feel when I am hurting myself?
calm hopefully, and like i can handle the million and one things i need to do in the next twenty minutes, and capable.

How will I feel after hurting myself? How will I feel tomorrow morning?
irritated that i have wasted yet more precious time, sore, grumpy that i won't be able to see my friend because he thinks the SI is long over, although he's working so that shouldn't be a huge issue. Tomorrow morning and for the rest of the week i'll feel panicky because i don't want any of the children i teach seeing fresh cuts.


Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future?
i can organise myself more, and look into why i always feel a need to block myself when it comes to sorting out my life, why i always impede everything i do, i wonder if it's from fear of change, knowing that i will lose my base here in cholula and be a floating traveller rather than someone who lives in mexico.


Do I need to hurt myself?
yes, but is it physically possible given that i will be living in a dorm with young children and the guy i'm seeing thinks it's long over? probably not.

[truce]

frances

just wanted to let you know that i read and am glad that as highly strung as you feel right now and as stressed and as urgey that you are, that you rather posted than cut. am proud of you.

it sounds like you know what you should do, and that is stop looking at everything that has to be done as one big thing, but rather at lots of little things. start with one and work through the list.

set small targets and give yourself a reward when you are finished, maybe a cup of coffee or listen to a fav song to help you get through it all. it sounds like you are strong and can do this.

hope all goes well with the move and you are happy where you are going.

hugs if you want them

noel