my fist ever after post on B&A

[VowsOfSadness]

have you taken care of your physiacl wounds? if not, go do that now. we'll wait. no. ill do that

what had happened just before?
exactly? *any necessary triggs here*

Ryan: Ya , sarah is so fly
Me: huh?? is that goo dor bad?
Ryan: Good, i'd do her
Me: eww. yucky
Me: what makes u come to this decision?
Ryan: She aint bad, i bet she'd be good in bed
Me: ewww. u can kep these things to ur self I dont want to kno!
Ryan: Shutup, ill say wht i want
Me: u no what fuck u.


what were you thinking and feeling?
As mych as I hate to say this hurt wondering why hurt? Upset that he said Shutup. Wondering if he is really CLEAN right now or is he F-ed up on something? Wondering if he's just upset because he's in troble. Playing a joke? (he does that alot), but for me today it's not funny. hurt? Why hurt?

why did you end up hurting yourself then instead of some other time? was there an event that was teh final straw? what was it?
i might have not have done it but I went and got drunk at the neighbors and when I came back my best friend in teh whole world said "Don't talk to me when you get back" (on AIM) and god I miss him, he's going away for a week today what if eh goes away angry?

how did the situation get to the final straw stage? trace it back through the events thatled up to the last event. look for some point at which you could have made a different decisiona nd not arrived at the final straw.
It all started when sarah started liking rye, it took me away, i could then focus on her liking rye, I realize I only like him as a friend. I literally have dreams everynight where in love and they are great but then I wake up eeling...yeah werid and emabarrased/guilty. Rye assures me he is not going to go with sarah. The thing above happens.
I could have stopped it if I hadn't gone farther getting drunka nd all tat bull.

were there outside factors like drugs, alsohol, being off your meds, lack of sleep, etc? can you address those in the future? how?
Alcohol, I had been forgetting to take meds this past week, I took a lot of them last night when I got drunk. STOP MESSING WITH MY MEDS, just take them. Don't drink (I am one year and two months sober, with now, one slip)


what other ways of coping did you try besides self-harm? how well did they work? i dont even think i tried any, just didnt want to i suspect.


in retrospect, are there coping methods that you now realize might have helped? what were they?
snapping rubber band, crying, sleeping

name at least two things you will do to help yourself remember those coping methods if you end up in this situation again.
never take off my rubberband, dont deny crying

how do you feel about the situation that led to self-harm now? is it resolved? if not, what are some steps you might take toward resolution?
I dont know how to resolve this taht's what I need help with the most.

are you likely to be in that emotional place again? how will you recognize it when you're in that situation?
Im kind of numb right now

what will you try before you resort to self-harm if you're in that situation again? list three specific things you will commit to trying.
not getting drunk but rather talking to Bill, going for a run (even though it was late at night), walk away come back when I am ready to deal with teh situation.[/b]

[silenceBROKEN]

i'm always impressed by afters because people often figure out so much more about themselves and their injury through them. congrats for getting the courage to fillone out. i hope that you will be able t fight the urge the next time you wish to injure.

[plantt]

i think it's good that you're able to realize how much alcohol & messing with meds can impact you. those are both things that *you* have control over... even though the situation with Rye & Sarah you may not have quite so much control over.

"As mych as I hate to say this hurt wondering why hurt? Upset that he said Shutup. Wondering if he is really CLEAN right now or is he F-ed up on something? Wondering if he's just upset because he's in troble. Playing a joke? (he does that alot), but for me today it's not funny. hurt? Why hurt?"
--you mention being upset that he said 'shut up'... is that also something the two of you joke about... or a different issue? did you tell him that today it wasn't funny? sometimes things that don't normally upset us can be really really upsetting.
for me it can have to do with whether or not i'm extra tired... or upset about other things... how i'm thinking at the time... if i've forgotten to eat... etc.

would you be able to discuss the situation with Rye? or were you meaning something else when you mentioned resolving the issue?

[VowsOfSadness]

I did text rye saying I was sorry for saing what i said but that I felt uncomfortable I hope that we could talk about what happened when we see eachother tomorrow. Usually he is afraid I will be upset taht he said something. I was sensitive and triggered taht night and though what he was saying didn't hurt so myuch thinking maybe he was joking (we joke alot) this was the first time he ever told me to shutup, which I was surprizingly very upset/offened by so i reacted on that when i think it would have been better saying something on the lines of "I do not appreciate you telling me to shut up" would have been more apropriate.

[plantt]

sometimes an apology is all that's really needed... but if you're still feeling uncomfortable with it discussing might be good. hope tomorrow goes well

[VowsOfSadness]

Just wanted to update u guys about whats been hapening he IMed me today and we talked

Me: so how have u been?
Rye: Peachy. You?
Me: pretty sucky the last two days but good today
Rye: Yeah, i herd. But im glad your okay now.
Me: Y what did u hear?
Me: It wasnt that bad
Rye: I dont know, sarah said you got drunk on friday, and cut yourself.
Me: yeah and yesterday too sucky.
Rye: Well, atleast your okay now.
me: yeha i been really happy today so im..happy about taht i guess lol
Rye: Good.