25 days free, i'm gonna blow it *si/drugs

[kate_]

I'M GONNA CUT. I'M GONNA CUT.

sorry.

i want to.

no, i've wanted to before. i NEED to.

i need to let something out. i need to cry. i need to get over this, get past this feeling. i need to relax and get rid of all this anxiety. i'm sure someone's in myy house, i've checked it about 4 times. i'm alone. but i don't think i am. i'm going crazy. i need to cut. or i need drugs. could i do that instead??? call the famous dboy up and get him to send some guys over. that'll take too long, they wont be here for at least twenty minutes. i need to cut. WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY is this happening??? i've gone soo long without doing it. and my urges havent even been that bad, totally controllable. i'm losing it. i've lost it. i cant take this anymore...more scars dont matter, the ones i have aren't going away. maybe i should just call him anyways. i'm not sure if drugs would be better than cutting. i don't wanna have to go through getting it. it would make me feel better, but worse at the same time. uhh i wish i could get it from someone other than him. i'm so scared. he's gonna find me. its gonna start all over againnn.

sorry im just so on the edge..i don't know what else to do besides post here.

[falling...]

You deserve more. Do not call ur boyfriend, avoid him and his sick mates, you dont need them, stay strong
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what is a recession

[Invisible_tears]

I'm sorry you're feeling like this, I'm trying to stop too and am on 1 week 6 days at the moment, so I know how important it feels not to cut. Can you find *anything* to do to distract yourself, if you're scared being in the house, can you go somewhere else? I know it's easy to say, but I also know I don't want to break my streak and if you don't either *try* and be strong...maybe try and take care of yourself somehow, do something silly that you enjoy, watch a kids TV show, anything to try and relax you and take your mind off the urges. I'm thinking of you, good luck *hugs* <<<<if ok.

[mallie]

I'm sorry to be blunt, but cutting is a choice, not a need. It can feel like the only option at times, but that isn't necessarily accurate. Think about what would happen if you resisted the urges until they faded. What would be likely to happen?

When you're feeling like this, have you ever tried the questions that are stickied on this board, or the ones over on before&after ? Might be worth having a go at, to try and examine whats behind the urges.

I can hear that things were feeling pretty desperate for you. I hope they're looking a little better now.

- mallie.