I NEED to move on - help, advice *SI* *SU* *lang*

[Hannah's promise]

Hi Guys

This may be a little long (will make as short as poss). I am hoping that this can be a step in the right direction for me as in my heart of hearts I can just see some light at the end of all this, but the road towards this looks one which is rocky and painful.

Brief history: Have admitted to myself that am absolutely OBSESSED with my best friend. He has been an absolute star in every way, been there every step of the way etc and we have slept together loads and still very tactile.

I had a huge talk with him this weekend and I will summarise the outcome in bullet points (easier)

he loves me
we can't have a relationship
I am the most important person in his life
I am the only person he trusts in the world
I am his bestest ever friend
He will do anything for me - I am his first priority
We have to stop having sex cos our friendship is more important and someone will end up getting hurt or things will get awkward
He really fancies me
Because he has never had many real friends he really values me
He's so scared of losing what we have to give it up 4 sex

Ok so arrrggghhhh shhhhiiitttttttt!!!!! FUCK FUCK FUCK!!!!!!!

It's time 4 me to move on, no seriously this has gone on long enough and I'ms ick and tired of SI -ing, being physically sick when I think of him with anyone else, going thru his texts, and generally being miserable, not being ablke to get him outta my head and never meeting anyone else because of all this.

yes I'm crazy about him, but wanna get to a stage where I:

Don't have a problem seeing him with someone else (not that i ever have)
Don't care if he receives texts from other girls proposeing sex
Don't want to have sex with him
chilled and relaxed with him a non-sexual way

I have no illusions that our relationship will ever be completely free from anything sexual, but I want to get to the stage where I am comfortable in myself and not obsessed and like moved on - so I can meet someone else and not feel like this

PLLLEEASSSEEE help me - anything any words of advice or encouragement

Didn't know which board to post this on so did on both.

Bear in mind - I have *SI* frequently and *SU* twice over this

Thanks so much

Promise xxx

[dreams]

Don't have a problem seeing him with someone else (not that i ever have)
Don't care if he receives texts from other girls proposeing sex
Don't want to have sex with him
chilled and relaxed with him a non-sexual way



Those are good aims to have

The only suggestion that i have although it may not help you at all is to write down you boundaries. What behaviour is and is not acceptable. You can't control your feelings but it you have a set of boundaries that you know not to cross it may help to maintain the 'just friends' situation and maybe eventually your feelings will fall more in line with that.

dreams

[limestone]

how does this make you feel i.e. how does it lead to si?

what is it about the relationship that makes you want to hurt yourself?

how can you 'move on' as you put it?

[Hannah's promise]

how does this make you feel i.e. how does it lead to si?

desperate, unhappy, useless, unattractive, hopeless

what is it about the relationship that makes you want to hurt yourself?

The fact I want him so bad

how can you 'move on' as you put it?

meet someone else