SCARED PLEASE HELP ME TO UNDERSTAND THIS FEELING

[VowsOfSadness]

I have a very interesting situation that I would like advice on. When I would cut, well before, I would have this pain which I call "the darkness" and it would hurt in places I called "the Dark Spots" this "darkness" in these specific spots (forearm, wrists at pulse points, chest) needed to be released (by SI).

This is not the thing, I have been stopping SI (not officially, just have) and I have (for about a year) been going long stints without it.

Recently I noticed something weird, when I have something good happen to me (and some really great things have happened, because little things are big to me) and when it happens I get a weird feeling in my dark spots like the bad feeling only stingier and different, I don't know what to do about it, am I weird, how do I make this go away?

Please someone tell me if this is normal!!!????

What if I hurt myself because I'm happpy or because of this feeeling, this feeling makes me scared. When I think about good stuff I get the feeling and I get scared.
Amanda

[Stellaria]

Of course I don't know if this is your situation, but it does sound like things can be for me. You're not weird! (well, certainly no more weird than I am ) But I know it can feel very weird if you try to explain to someone that a happy surprise can make you think of SI. I have noticed on BUS though that there are many other people who SI who can relate to this situation.

My take on it - I'm not a doctor or anything so this is just how I personally have put it together from what I have read and heard here and there - is that when we get stressed and upset, there are various natural physical reactions in the body. Stress hormones such as adrenaline are released, which causes things like your chest can feel tighter, your arms or legs can feel tense and tingly or numb. I think it can be a bit individual exactly how it feels like, but on a basic level your body is preparing to fight or flee by tensing muscles and putting all systems on alert.

This probably doesn't seem very strange if you are in a situation that is stressful, scary or upsetting somehow. And we all have our ways of calming ourselves down from these uncomfortable feelings, whether it's by healthy or less healthy methods (such as SI). But there are also other situations when our body goes alert - when happy, exciting things happen! Even if it's obviously not exactly the same as being scared, it can still make your heart beat faster, your muscles tense from the excitement, etc., and I think perhaps for some of us this triggers similar thoughts as when we are upset. Just feeling like this in the body reminds of the things we are used to turn to, to calm ourselves down. You learn to associate a body sensation with SI.

Maybe try to tell yourself "Ok, my body is on alert right now and that is perfectly normal, it's ok and as it should be to be alert when good things happen, I will be ok." I personally think that when I can remember that it's a natural physical reaction, it doesn't seem quite as scary, and I don't feel as pushed to SI or similar to immediately get rid of it.

Wish I could point you to some more expertly article or something, but I don't have time to look for a good one at the moment.

Take care
Nina

[VowsOfSadness]

Thank you so much it has been really helpful, I guess I just need to get used to being happy! LOL.

[Stellaria]

I guess I just need to get used to being happy!

Yep! Glad you found it helpful.