How do u want help??

badgirl22 · Post by **badgirl22** » Wed Dec 01, 2004 7:16 am

I posted this same question on main but thought I might also get a response from here...so..if u were going into theropy and your theropist asked you to come in with ways you want help what would u say???I need to convince him that I am not just going in there for the purpose of "staying out of hospital." He is looking for that..I need impooot...Please..people..help me find out how to answer this one..pleaseeeeeee help!!!
-Badgirl22

plantt · Post by **plantt** » Wed Dec 01, 2004 8:40 pm

from your posts i'd be inclined to agree with your therapist... that you just want to be in therapy so you're not in the hosp...
what *do* you want out of therapy? what do you want out of life? what do you want enough to really work at it even when it's hard?

minicow · Post by **minicow** » Wed Dec 01, 2004 8:49 pm

sounds very much like my therapist......... who asked me what would make me happy............ sorry no answers for you. but a guess here would be to maybe think in long term of sorts as to what you want to achieve, like where do you want to be in 6 mnths and so on...

dreams · Post by **dreams** » Wed Dec 01, 2004 11:32 pm

This is such a personal question and has to be somthing you come up with yourself.

The CPN asked me what I wanted to acheive and my response was to be able to name and deal with my feelings in appropriate ways that didn't include self harming and learn how to relate to other people and where to draw appropriate boundary with people.

But the thing is it's gotta be something you really do want to do cos therapy is hard work and your not going to work for something you don't really want. you have to want it enough to go through hell to get it. (this probably makes no sense, so sorry)

Hope that might have helped some

Good luck with the appointment.

dreams

aroobixcube · Post by **aroobixcube** » Thu Dec 02, 2004 4:26 pm

it does make sense, coz therapy espesh CBT is no walk in the park and alot are scared to commit becasue of how much you have to be faced with to fight, its v.scarey, im really scared, i have my assesment next wek! for which therapy i should have but, they will say you need to be in a psychological state to want to accept help,, and be able to help yourself, so you need to want to get well.

aimee929 · Post by **aimee929** » Thu Dec 02, 2004 10:15 pm

dreams wrote:
The CPN asked me what I wanted to acheive and my response was to be able to name and deal with my feelings in appropriate ways that didn't include self harming and learn how to relate to other people and where to draw appropriate boundary with people.

that sounds similar to me. I have been in therapy for almost 5 years and I know that one major way it has helped me is to find coping mechanisms.... now unfortunately, the first coping mechanism I found on my own was SI & I was too scared to tell my first therapist about it so no one knew until 2003 when I got a new doctor and told her... but therapy has helped me with other coping mechanisms...

another big thing, like mentioned above, is that I have learned how to draw appropriate boundaries with people... namely my friends. For example, I have learned that you will not be able to keep friends if you try to commit suicide in their house after you've only known them for 3 months. there are just some things-- persistent SU thoughts, SI, severe depression, panic attacks-- that only a professional can deal with. I didn't undersstand that before I started therapy & I lost many friends as a result.

Another thing I have been working on-- and am still working on-- is acknowledging my feelings, my emotions. I come from a family where I am encouraged to act "pleasant" and where my mother has actually said that she prefers me "emotionless" as opposed to anything else. Isn't that reassuring. So therapy has really been the first place where I have acknowledged being angry or upset or frustrated or jealous... I still have trouble talking about these things, but i am working at it.

I was also accosted with the "why are you int herapy?" question back in the spring. My SI had gotten pretty bad (more frequent, that is) and my doctor was frustrated with me b/c I didn't seem to want to change. She asked why I was in therapy if I had no intention of stopping the SI. I do think a big part of me thinks "Oh, i'm still in therapy so that I don't end up in the hospital in the middle of the winter" (my worst time of year)... I have come close to IP many times, most recently last January, and my doctor does not understand my fear of it.

that's another post, but still... I see where you are coming from. Maybe journaling will help?? that has helped me.

love,
Aimee

limestone · Post by **limestone** » Sat Dec 04, 2004 9:28 pm

aimee929 wrote: ... there are just some things-- persistent SU thoughts, SI, severe depression, panic attacks-- that only a professional can deal with. I didn't undersstand that before I started therapy & I lost many friends as a result.

friends can help and not help: and yes professionals can help too and sometimes not - but there are two other things that can be just as good in the helping department: volunteers and yourself. the samaritans are not professionals but I think out of all my interactions with people, they have been the best. and when no one else delivers the help you need, you have yourself.

so, badgirl, therapy is not everything. it can help - but on the flip side it can't - so, do you want it to help? or do you need something else that therapy doesn't give you? I liked plantts response.

aimee929 wrote:...... She asked why I was in therapy if I had no intention of stopping the SI. ...

I think to ask that question was unprofessional of your therapist: it's like a judgement. you can still be in therapy and si. that's your choice. the problem is, you won't get as much out of therapy compared to when you aren't si'ing. si is like a barrier to therapy, and symbolically to others and yourself and life itself. so why are you si'ing to the point where something appears about to break - will it take your life or will it save your life? i see it that si is not there to take but to save in a revolutionary sense. therefore go back to the beginning: what is it that you're looking for, and I mean, really looking for?

Bathelina · Post by **Bathelina** » Sat Dec 04, 2004 9:47 pm

I want to not wake up in the morning and wish I hadn't every few days, and I want to be able to control my eating etc and I just... Want to be my old self. I've changed so much it scares me. So I just want all the "pain", but I can't really define what it is at the moment, to go. I want the crying to go, I want to be able to not cry myself to sleep all the time and hate myself for doing so. It's strange but I'd say to them:

"Stop these feelings. These tummy aches. These headaches. Get it to go away and be normal again".

And I want the urges to go... Even though they are getting fewer and fewer, I hate them when they do, rarely, come.

Hannah

badgirl22 · Post by **badgirl22** » Mon Dec 06, 2004 9:07 am

Thanks everyone for replying. The problem with me is that I am fighting that war inside my head about weather I want the help or not. weather I am just ready to "give up" or am I still wanting to fight to get better. I am constantly fighting this battle and it is getting really tiring..I think I am burning out just from fighting the war inside my head. It is hard to except help from a theropist who's line is "not talking" cause to me not talking isn't a su jesture or remark..it is just a way for me to survive like SI is for me..it is a coping tool. Shuting down for a while is a coping mechanism that surves me very very well and helps me get back that control that wasn't there before. Unfortunatly my T. won't deal with me when I shut down and will call the police on me again if that happens..so now I am fighting weather to trust him or not..because he did this to me..I am so angry at the way he acted when I needed really needed to shut down that I really just want to turminate theropy all together because I think that I am not getting anywhere..that when I start something I get into a crisis and then can't get into it and get past it...but my husband doesn't want me to turminate theropy because he thinks that is a sure way for me to end up in hospital ..because he thinks the cutting and the oding will get worse..so I am stuck between a rock and a hard spot. If I keep going to theropy then what can I achieve when I am in this state of mind?? If I stop theropy will things ultimatly be better or be worse??Short term/long term???
I guess what scares me the most is not finding answers..that I don't have the ansewrs and no matter how hard my T. trys he won't be able to help me find them. I guess right now I am at the point where I see no hope for all this. I wish I did..I want to see the hope. I want to see the good postive sides of things..I want to be able to swim to shore and not be stuck drowning and trying to keep my head above water..but how do I begin changing my thinking??How does it happen??Any ideas??because right now I am just getting lots of ways of "escaping" ..oding, cutting..shutting down..those are my ways of escaping..and I know deep down they arn't good and helpful to me but they are ways of survivng for me..and I know my T. is comming to the point that they arn't acceptable anymore and so that leaves me pulling back..not trusting him as much..because that is his "line" u know??what would u do ????
-Badgirl22

dreams · Post by **dreams** » Mon Dec 06, 2004 1:57 pm

Tell him that because of the things he has said that you are having difficulty trusting him.

Ask him what he can do to show yo that he is worthy of your trust.

You need to trust your therapist and if you don't you will have problems making progress. Is there anyway you could tell him this and then ask him to refer you to a collegue whom you may be able to build up a relationship so that you can trust them. I know this would be a hard thing to do but it's the only thing i can think of right now.

dreams

plantt · Post by **plantt** » Mon Dec 06, 2004 6:02 pm

you choose to stop escaping. you choose to do all the things you think you cannot. you choose to change things & get your life unstuck.
or you stay as you are. convinced that you cannot do things & everything's too hard.

limestone · Post by **limestone** » Tue Dec 07, 2004 7:30 pm

hi

before I bitch about your therapist, what was the context that prompted him to call the police on you?

you do have the right to switch therapists but you can't switch yourself: i.e. you have you. accept it. but here's the deal: you can get to call the shots on what happens in your life. so, you can cut, burn or od. or you can get up and start living. hurting yourself isn't living imo, so how do you really want to live?

I ask that as you sound like you do know what you want but are afraid to get it.

so, do you want to find a new therapist? just answer yes or no and no extra detail.

do you want to carry on hurting yourself?

do you want to get better?

right, now you have answered honestly, (this is for you btw, not for anyone else) how can you make this happen?

you mentioned not having the answers - I think you do but you don't feel confident in trying and using them in case you'll discover things about yourself and others that you don't want to know.

wanting to stop si and wanting to get better doesn't just happen in a click of a finger, but it does have to start somewhere, just a little thing, and that thing can be so tiny that you think it's rubbish. but why right yourself off so quick? I don't think anyone really say's 'today I'm going to get better' as firstly there isn't anything 'wrong' - you're ok for who you are right now. but that doesn't mean you can't improve or try does it?

do you have an emergency box?

why do you hurt yourself?

plantt · Post by **plantt** » Tue Dec 07, 2004 8:00 pm

imo it's perfectly acceptable for a t to call the police.
if they think u'r in danger of killing yourself su/od... & you're unwilling to cooperate with them... not talking. unwilling to use skills/keep self safe... unwilling to commit to anything... then by all means call the police.
they're legally responsible.
also it can be used as a tactic to the patient that there are consequences to 'crying wolf'... if someone is su nearly always... & refuses to change... refuses to accept help... then surely they would be better off ip.

also the question of 'why are you in therapy if you don't want to stop si?' imo it depends on the therapy.
with dbt it's a very high priority target. if you're perfectly fine with si'ing & very against stopping si... then imo it'd be a waste of time for both the patient & therapist... for them to be in that particular therapy program.

you do have the right to switch therapists but you can't switch yourself: i.e. you have you. accept it. but here's the deal: you can get to call the shots on what happens in your life. so, you can cut, burn or od. or you can get up and start living. hurting yourself isn't living imo, so how do you really want to live?

*nods* no t can make things easy. or fix things instantly. or do everything for you. no t can force you to accept help or do things you need to do.

bus

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