Dealing with "friends" and social situations.

[pretty]

I have these friends, and I like A, but I can't stand her husband, H, and they're inseparable, so I just have to deal with him. I also find it quite awkward to interact with either of them, at all. But now that we don't live too far apart we seem to have fallen into a routine of seeing each other every few weeks. I have so far been dealing with this by drinking. This is not good, nor is it really an option this weekend.

I have a long long long history with A, but we're quite different now. I want us to be friends, and I feel sorry for her, and I like her, I just can't interact with her, especially when H is attached to her, which he always is.

How do I ease the discomfort? How do I cope with my complete loathing and hatred of social situations? How do I feel comfortable without drinking?

We're going to their house on Saturday night, and I am terrified. Help.

[plantt]

would it be possible to talk with A about your discomfort around her husband?
you mention 'we'... would you be able to talk with the person/people you're going with about it?
what is it about her husband that you find difficult to deal with?

[noldo]

I don't have really a good advice, but I know a bit that situation. One of my best friends (I am living together with her) has a boyfriend for long years now and I can't stand him at all. When he's in our flat and talking with us or we're watching a movie together I just try to tune him out. Works sometimes, sometimes not. I try to let go of my anger and frustration in my diary or talking to a friend (no one I know, except for her, likes him). That works most times quite well. I drank sometimes as well, helps a lot, but isn't the best way. Is there a possibility to talk about it with A, or spend more time with her and just "tune" him out in a way?
Take care,
noldo

[pretty]

Sorry, I kind of posted this, then other stuff happened and I didn't want to deal with it all. But we're seeing them tonight, so I kind of wanted to find a solution again. I think the best solution is probably not seeing them, but I can't be that harsh, at least not right now.

Thanks noldo for the understanding. I guess it's quite a common situation huh?

would it be possible to talk with A about your discomfort around her husband?

I don't think so. They're very tight, and I get the impression that if I mentioned it she'd disown me. Which might not be such a bad thing. I couldn't bear to hurt her though, and it would hurt her.

you mention 'we'... would you be able to talk with the person/people you're going with about it?

I have, the 'we' is my husband, and he can't stand him either. He does everything he can to make things bearable, but tere sn't much he can do.

what is it about her husband that you find difficult to deal with?

He almost always stoned, he thinks he knows best about everything, he's arrogant, he thinks he's funny but he's just offensive and hurtful. He thinks he's "deep" and "spiritual" but he's just a stoner who has travelled a bit. He "used to be" a drug dealer. He's a self-rigtous wanker. He thinks he's anti-establishment, but is so proud to work for this big corporation. He's just an idiot, but the kind of idiot who makes me feel small and stupid. He's very childish, but he's eleven years older than me.

To be honest I would have nothing to do with either of them, but A and I were best friends all through school, and I really don't think she has anyone else. Gah.

I've thought about trying to spend time with A on her own, but it never seems to happen. That'd be uncomfortable too, but maybe less so. I did raise the idea with her, but she didn't seem interested.

I suppose all I can do is treat it a bit like going to work; I have to see these people and I pretty much have to get on with them, so I'll just pretend for a few hours, then come home and be myself again.

The situation is really more like family than anything else, cos we've known each other so long but have nothing in common, and the feeling of being obliged to make time for them