Oops, whatever. *slight ED*

[Calluna vulgaris]

have you taken care of your physical wounds? if not, go do that now. we'll wait.
I suppose I have. It's scabbed. Good enough for me.

what had happened just before?
I left Writer's and dropped my stuff off at my locker.

what were you thinking and feeling?
I was determined to not eat. My spare was going to be taken away from me, and I love it so much because I can people-watch and just write. But can I write? I have so many writing assignments for Writer's (aptly named course), and I'm not going to be any good. I don't want to read in front of the class.

why did you end up hurting yourself then instead of some other time? was there an event that was the final straw? what was it?
Impulse. I sat down, I wrote a little, looked at the bathroom and decided "Aw, what the hell... I'll go to the end stall. It's not like I have talent anyway."

how did the situation get to the final straw stage? trace it back through the events that led up to the last event. look for some point at which you could have made a different decision and not arrived at the final straw.
I suppose I could've just relaxed a little. The teacher's rather flexible about getting blocked, but I keep worrying that I won't be good enough and that everyone will think me a horrible writer. I need to get my classes sorted, but guidance is incredibly packed, and I don't like my first period class because I feel that these girls are laughing at me constantly.

were there outside factors like drugs, alcohol, being off your meds, lack of sleep, etc? can you address those in the future? how?
I didn't eat breakfast or take my meds this morning. As I've just started trying to take them regularly again, this could be a slight issue.

what other ways of coping did you try besides self-harm? how well did they work?
Didn't try anything. Just went on impulse.

in retrospect, are there coping methods that you now realize might have helped? what were they?
I could've gone to the cafeteria with my friends, even if I didn't eat, and just been with them. They would've kept me there... they would've kept me safe. I also could've sat down and wrote for a little while.

name at least two things you will do to help yourself remember those coping methods if you end up in this situation again.
Take my writing book EVERYWHERE with me. If it's there, I will write. If it's not, I feel silly asking to go and get my notebook.
Follow friends from Writer's to their lockers and then to the caf. That way I always have someone with me.

how do you feel about the situation that led to self-harm now? is it resolved? if not, what are some steps you might take toward resolution?
I don't know. I should start thinking positively. Ben tells me I'm far more talented than him, but I disagree, insisting he has gifts and I have crap. Perhaps I should just decide that nobody's opinion really matters. After all, strange people with very... interesting writing styles have gotten published. I'm just looking for a decent mark so I might be able to get into university.

are you likely to be in that emotional place again? how will you recognize it when you're in that situation?
I'll be in that place nearly every day. I get lonely, I want to isolate myself. I want to disappear.

what will you try before you resort to self-harm if you're in that situation again? list three specific things you will commit to trying.
I will write out, in detail, what I wish to do to myself.
I will find a friend, or even just someone I know, and be with them.
I will just sit down with some music and relax. "I know I can stop the pain if I will it all away." I'm just over a month free. I can keep going, and I will.