Before mark 120000

[Spidey]

how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?

I won't feel mired by expectation.

what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?

Bring: I guess I'll have fucked up 3.7 years. Probably a sense of relief and maybe failure or regret.
Take away: Progress??

how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?

I just want it to be over and done with, really...I don't want to hurt like this anymore. I don't know about closer or farther because I can't really like...think...that far...

if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?

...

what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then?

I'm watching Germany/Italy (mmm Neuer) and then I am supposed to go visit my brother depending on when the match ends... It will get me out of my head for a bit. I don't know what I will do then...drink? Heh.

Oh, I can see if my fantasy team ate itself pretty much since it's 80% Germans and Italians.

how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?

I'll probably think that I am just kicking the can down the street.

what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?

die Cut, bad. Bad bad bad. I don't know what to do?!?

Why do I feel I need to hurt myself? What has brought me to this point?

I am just tired and overwhelmed and just sad and I am just...I don't want to be anymore. I feel so mired by expectations and like I have to be this this and this and I am just so fucking depressed.

Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it? How did I feel then?

...

What I have done to ease this discomfort so far? What else can I do that won't hurt me?

I've talked to people (and subsequently withdrawn), I've watched soccer, I've slept, I've drank, I've done other stuff...

How do I feel right now?

Like everything is too much and closing in

How will I feel when I am hurting myself?

It depends

How will I feel after hurting myself? How will I feel tomorrow morning?

It depends and probably like shit

how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?

...

what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?

...Bring I guess regret or something. Take I don't know. See it's too hard to figure this all out.

how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?

...

if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?

...

what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then?

I don't know

how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?

...

what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?

I...

Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future?

eh.

Do I need to hurt myself?

...maybe kinda idk