Write down the shadow that's hiding behind the urge. Look at it.
Ask yourself:
- How will this situation or feeling change if I hurt myself?
Some of the feelings will shift. They would be less intense. There would be more space from the feelings. There would a release, and relief. - What will hurting myself bring to the situation? What will it take away from the situation?
It would bring some calm of sorts - reduce the feelings, reduce the pent up stuff. It will take away my long-ish SI free streak. - How do I want to feel about this in the long run? Is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?
I don't know what "this" is - and I think that is part of the problem. As always, it will get me further away from treating myself nicely and learning to like myself. - If hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? What will I do then?
This I'm not sure about. It has been so long, that I could get a few days relief out of it. But then I'll want to do it again, and the cycle begins. A cycle I've worked hard to break. - What is something I could do now instead of hurting myself? How will it change the situation I'm in? How long will that change last, and what will i do then?
There's a hand out from the sensory modulation group about self injury. *goes to located it*
I could try beanbag tapping, or try sitting under the heavy blanket. If that doesn't help move onto a strong sensory input activity. Also found a distress tolerance sheet from DBT, which has some ideas on it. - How will I feel tomorrow if I hurt myself? How will I feel tomorrow if I do the other things I came up with?
I'll feel like a failure if I SI. I will probably brush it off and talk myself down, but I will have coped with these feelings in a more healthy way. - What do I really want to do right now? How can I best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?
Really, I want to SI. But I should try something else first. Work through some of the other things from my hand outs. The self-protective instinct is trying to make me change the feelings, find a way to make them more manageable. If the other things don't work I can always come back to these questions again, or I can SI. Delaying won't change that choice.
Urges aren't necessarily the enemy. They happen for reasons, and they're an expression of a desire to stay alive and stay sane and keep coping. Remember that.
^I need to remember this. I think urges as "bad" and my mental state deteriorating.
Ok, so, make a plan.
1. go cuddle up with giant teddy bear and with blanket for a little while (or until I start to roast)
2. write up a copy of the handouts I found - someone else on bus might find them useful and post them in main or coping (this is the contributions part of distracting with ACCEPTS)
3. Still urgey - try heavy sensory input activity.
4. Come back here and try questions again (or sit on games)
Ok. I think I can do this. (I think I can, I think I can, I think I can - I love the little red engine).
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