Super un cool

[tars]

I get really jealous of cool people. I get mad when guys have cute girlfriends or people have cool trendy friends. I don't do anything. I sit in my room all day or go to pros, group therapy and i hate how boring i am. I'm super afraid to go places unless I think about it for months. I'm the fat nerd steriotype never kissed a girl loser. and every now and then i start feeling really jealous like when thrapist are mentioning somthing cool they did. or i see a pretty girl and i'm thinking "oh they're having sex and pot and wine and I'll never do anything but play video games.

[swirlish]

Hey!

I just saw this, so sorry for the late reply.

First, are those things you are jealous of, things you'd want? Cute girlfriends, cool trendy friends (whatever that is!), going places, pot, wine etc.?

If you do, what are some steps you can take towards getting/doing those things? Is there something you can do right now that will get you started?
Is being negative and mean to yourself helping or hindering you in life?

Mia

Ps. You might get more replies if you have this thread moved to main, let me know if you'd like that! Ds.

[tars]

I mostly just post to vent about stuff i'm too embarrassed to say in real life.
I'm kinda working on losing weight because that's like 90% of my problems, but i'm pretty bad at that now.

[Licentia Poetica]

Hi tars!

Firstly, let me tell you that everyone feels insecure about things like this. Even the "cool kids". Everyone does boring stuff like going to the dentist, or shopping with parents, or whatever. What I mean is, it's really easy to see someone looking cool, or having a good time, and think that that's their entire life, that they never have problems. And it's very rarely the case.

I once saw my friend's facebook picture, and she was wearing a really cute outfit and she was travelling in Denmark, and looked happy and surrounded by friends. And I said something like "wow, I wish I was you, I feel so boring and pathetic being depressed all by myself in Sydney". Turns out, the outfit wasn't even hers, and she was actually having a really, really hard time.

I spent most of my teenage years wishing I was someone else. And, I think insecurity is part of being a teenager, but unfortunately some people have real self esteem problems and given that you're here on this board, I'm assuming that you do. All I can tell you is, when you're 20, or 30, it won't matter who was "cool". It won't matter who was skinny, or had a cute girlfriend, or spent their whole time playing video games. And sex is overrated unless you're with someone you really love.

I'm 25 now, and what I look back on with absolute horror, is how many years I spent unhappy. Those were wasted years. I feel sad for myself that I will never get those years of my life back again. Could I have done much about it? Not all of it, no. I had depression, and a bunch of other stuff, and I had to deal with that. But if I'd taken some time to think, hey "what is the bloody point of spending my time wishing I was skinnier, smarter, more outgoing, prettier, popular etc etc?" Wishing I was those things didn't make it so. But if I'd accepted that I was who I was, I might've been a bit happier, and that wouldn't made me go out a bit more, which would've got me a few more friends... yadda yadda.

I still don't have it down. And that's testament to how long it takes to undo your thinking after about 12 years of negativity. I'm not a person who goes out much. I never got it back unless you count a year or so I drank a whole lot. But I don't care anymore. So I'm no party animal, but I do have someone who loves me. And he doesn't like going out either. We generally prefer staying at home with a DVD than going out and spending time in nightclubs where you can't hear yourself speak. And my boyfriend plays video games all the time

My point is, there are many kinds of people. And just because you're not the most popular dude in school, doesn't mean you'll never have a girlfriend. Girls don't end up liking the cool kids anyway. They end up with the nice boys

[tars]

Yeah.I'm working on doing stuff that's interesting and I wanna start volunteering to get outta the house more

[Mundo Cani]

Hey dude, nothing wrong with playing video games! If you enjoy doing it then it's not time wasted

I agree that you should ask yourself if all those things you're jealous of are things you want. Might help you to get perspective. Also agree that putting yourself down is not the way to go out and achieve those things.

I can understand though, I was a social outcast (not saying you are!!!) for a long time, and one of the uncool kids. Always been a friend to women than a potential bf and I can fully understand what it's like to feel low in confidence and self-esteem. The only way to fix it is to just say f*ck it. Forcing yourself into situations where all the things you feel you want might not be the best idea though as that might not be the environment for you. However, try to find one you might like or a social group you might enjoy hanging out with and you may find that the nerdy girls are WAY cooler than the so called hot chicks on the arm of the cool dude.

You need to work out what it is you truly want. Don't be afraid to get hurt because you will. If you avoid getting hurt then years down the line you will still be here. You have to take the risk and if you do get hurt it's just part of the learning curve.

I'm sorry if this was all a bit too preachy and a whole load of easier said than done, but I had to defend playing video games all day and couldn't just leave it at that lol.

Hang in there dude, your time will come.