Before You Self-Harm
write down the shadow that's hiding behind the urge. look at it. ask yourself:
- how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?
The tense horrible feeling will go away and I will feel relaxed. - what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?
It will bring peace. It will take away my 25 days SI free. - how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?
I want to stop feeling agitated, angry and frustrated - SI will fix all of those feelings. - if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?
The relief will last until I go to sleep, and when I wake up in the morning I will feel better. - what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then?
I don't know. I could try to sleep, but I'm too agitated and I think lying there with no distractions would make the urge worse. I have nobody to talk to and none of my distractions are working. - how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?
I might feel a bit guilty or anxious that someone would see. But I'm already hiding scars in that place anyway, so it wouldn't really make a difference - I'm already screwed if someone sees. I think I will essentially feel the same tomorrow whether I SI or not - I will probably feel fine in the day and horrible at night, like always. - what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?
urges aren't necessarily the enemy. they happen for reasons, and they're an expression of a desire to stay alive and stay sane and keep coping. remember that.
More Before Questions To Answer
- Why do I feel I need to hurt myself? What has brought me to this point?
Because I'm getting pathetically socially anxious again and cutting myself off from my friends and I can see my life heading back down the path that led to a breakdown a couple of years ago, and it's making me frustrated and panicky. - Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it? How did I feel then?
Er, last time I felt like this it was constant and I ended up dropping out of school and becoming a recluse for about 6 months. So I didn't really deal with it, did I? - What I have done to ease this discomfort so far? What else can I do that won't hurt me?
Posted on bus a lot. It hasn't helped that much. I don't know what else to do. - How do I feel right now?
Angry. Frustrated. - How will I feel when I am hurting myself?
Relieved, calmed, happy. - How will I feel after hurting myself? How will I feel tomorrow morning?
Maybe slightly guilty or anxious, but probably fine. It would be in a well hidden place and I'd take care of it properly, so I'd feel like there was nothing to be distressed about. - Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future?
If I knew how, I'd have done that this time. - Do I need to hurt myself?
Not "need" in the strictest sense of the word. I will survive if I don't. But it's definitely more than "want". Maybe "crave" would be a better word.
