slips are chances to learn. you figure out what stresses are still too hard for you and you can work on how you'll deal with them next time you run into them. so instead of beating yourself up, take action.
- have you taken care of your physical wounds? if not, go do that now. we'll wait.
Yes. - what had happened just before?
Nothing. I was in bed, having had a perfectly fine, stress-free evening, and I couldn't get to sleep, but I'd only been trying for a few minutes so that's no surprise. - what were you thinking and feeling?
I kept thinking about SI and then telling myself that was ridiculous because I felt fine. In the end I started getting angry with myself for thinking about it when there was nothing that had upset me, and that anger made the urge worse. It's almost like I started thinking about doing it just to pass time because I was bored of waiting for sleep, and then it all spiralled from there. - why did you end up hurting yourself then instead of some other time? was there an event that was the final straw? what was it?
Kind of answered that above. - how did the situation get to the final straw stage? trace it back through the events that led up to the last event. look for some point at which you could have made a different decision and not arrived at the final straw.
At any point I could have just made the decision to think about something else until I went to sleep. It would have kept coming back into my head, but I didn't have to act on the thought. - were there outside factors like drugs, alsohol, being off your meds, lack of sleep, etc? can you address those in the future? how?
No. The ridiculous thing is, I was actually just thinking beforehand about how well I've been sleeping lately - I've always been a poor sleeper, prone to lying awake for hours before I can drift off, but lately I've been much better and am almost always asleep within half an hour. I'd only turned the light off about ten minutes before, so I wasn't getting frustrated or anything about not being able to sleep. - what other ways of coping did you try besides self-harm? how well did they work?
I tried to think about other things, but I didn't try hard enough. I thought about coming on bus but I didn't want to because I knew once I got on the internet I'd be awake for hours, and I didn't want a really late night. I hoped I would just fall asleep before the urges got too bad. - in retrospect, are there coping methods that you now realize might have helped? what were they?
I should've given up trying to sleep and found something to distract myself, like a crossword or chatting on facebook, until I could barely keep my eyes open and was too tired to SI. - name at least two things you will do to help yourself remember those coping methods if you end up in this situation again.
- how do you feel about the situation that led to self-harm now? is it resolved? if not, what are some steps you might take toward resolution?
- are you likely to be in that emotional place again? how will you recognize it when you're in that situation?
I wasn't really in an "emotional" place, which is what bothers me the most - if I'd done it in a fit of anger or sadness I'd be more understanding of myself, but it disturbs me that I did this whilst in a fairly good mood. - what will you try before you resort to self-harm if you're in that situation again? list three specific things you will commit to trying.
Anything! Doing crosswords, talking to friends, the distractions page on bus...
Opportunity to Self-Harm seems to be a common theme. Think about why opportunities are important to slips and learn why opportunity is important to you.
- What made that opportunity more appealing than any other?
I don't know. - Did you make an opportunity or was it there for the taking?
It was there. - What would you have done if there was no opportunity, how would you have handled your urge?
I don't think I would have had an urge. The urge was only there because the opportunity was. The voice in my head even said "you wouldn't even have to move, just reach out your arm" because my tool was in the drawer by my bed. - If there had been no opportunity would your urge to self-harm have increased or decreased?
It wouldn't have been there at all, in this particular instance. - What consitutes opportunity for you? Being alone? having new tools? waiting for the right feeling?
I was alone, I have bought new tools recently, it's the middle of the night which is my usual time to do it. - If your opportunties were taken away, how would you feel?
In this instance, I'd have been glad because it would probably have shut up the voice that kept telling me how easy it would be. In general though, if I was told I'd never have another opportunity ever again, I'd feel trapped and panicky, like my safety net had been taken away.