2 days after

[ambivalent red]

I actually dont know why I'm doing an after because I SI'd 2 days ago. Maybe I'm just curious now in hindsight.


have you taken care of your physical wounds? if not, go do that now. we'll wait. bandaged and wrapped. good to go.

what had happened just before? A doctor over the phone pissed me off. I was trying to find a new therapist on order from my shrink. I called 1 doctor and left a message, then called another and he answered. He asked tons of qestions, which I answered, but some of the questions were personal and they should be brought up at a later session- ie: "have you ever been sexually abused?"
It was unprofessional and then after all the questions "oops, sorry, your work schedule doesnt work with mine- good luck."

what were you thinking and feeling? i was pissed, mad , angry, overwhelmed, helpless, out of control and exploited

why did you end up hurting yourself then instead of some other time? was there an event that was the final straw? what was it? I feel I tried and was turned down. I thought it was hopeless and i would never find a doctor. And maybe a little bit I thought the doctor over the phone did not like me.

how did the situation get to the final straw stage? trace it back through the events that led up to the last event. look for some point at which you could have made a different decision and not arrived at the final straw. I could have waited until the other doctor called back. (which he did)

were there outside factors like drugs, alsohol, being off your meds, lack of sleep, etc? can you address those in the future? how? no

what other ways of coping did you try besides self-harm? how well did they work? i cried, but was at work so i went straight to my tools, which are always on my person.

in retrospect, are there coping methods that you now realize might have helped? what were they? having some patients, not letting ANYONE exploit me over the phone.

name at least two things you will do to help yourself remember those coping methods if you end up in this situation again. I really dont know

how do you feel about the situation that led to self-harm now? is it resolved? if not, what are some steps you might take toward resolution? It is resolved the other doctor called me back right after I SI'd and he could tell I was very unstable. He saw me that same day and i like him. We have another appt next thursday.

are you likely to be in that emotional place again? how will you recognize it when you're in that situation? yes, i will always be in a place that I have no control over, but I need to keep my patience and remember that I cant have control over everything.

what will you try before you resort to self-harm if you're in that situation again? list three specific things you will commit to trying.
1. call my wonderful husband and have him talk me down
2. I have a new Doctor, i could try to call him.
3. write, write, write

About Opportunities to SI
Opportunity to Self-Harm seems to be a common theme. Think about why opportunities are important to slips and learn why opportunity is important to you.

What made that opportunity more appealing than any other? it was the only thing i could control at that moment

Did you make an opportunity or was it there for the taking? I always have my tools on hand

What would you have done if there was no opportunity, how would you have handled your urge? wow, I guess call my husband

If there had been no opportunity would your urge to self-harm have increased or decreased? decreased

What consitutes opportunity for you? Being alone? having new tools? waiting for the right feeling? actually all 3 do. Being alone is key to SI. I always have tools ready. what is the 'right' feelings? I could be any feeling or no feelings at all.

If your opportunties were taken away, how would you feel? out of control and overwhelmed