before

[Annybelly]

how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?
i would feel better about it, and like i have achieved a just punishment

what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?
it would make me feel better, and feel like i'd cancelled out the other stuff. it wouldnt actually help, it'd just add to my growing pile of stuff.

how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?
i dont know what i want to feel.

if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?
the relief will last long enough for me to get to sleep. after that, who knows. tomorrow maybe? day after? what will i do then? try not to give in again.

what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then?
i could go and read the bible verses/god truths/ encouraging stuff. it would make me feel better, and like i didnt need to hurt myself to punish myself. it will last until tomorrow, poss day after again, i would decide whether to fight or give in.

how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?
hurt: annoyed i gave in. sore. angry with myself.
other thing: proud i didnt give in. missing si.

what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?
i want to curl up safe in my bed, without any of the bad things.


Why do I feel I need to hurt myself? What has brought me to this point?
eating a big tea, and then not being able to contact F, and then going on the websites.

Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it? How did I feel then?
eating a big tea: yes. i sied.
not being ble to contact F: yeah, asked someone else.
websites: no.

What I have done to ease this discomfort so far? What else can I do that won't hurt me?
i emailed F. i emailed K, and msned K. i replied to a post on my place.
i could go shwer and sleep. i could read. i could do optional geography homework. i could read bible. i could even pray.

How do I feel right now?
too complicated to type all out

How will I feel when I am hurting myself?
sick. anoyed. disgusted. relieved. free. in control. justly punished.

How will I feel after hurting myself? How will I feel tomorrow morning?
anoyed. disgusted, disappointed.

Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future?
yeah. totally.

Do I need to hurt myself?
not really. i could cope other ways. i have a lot of other ways. better ways